As humans, we are able to access knowledge about ourselves by referring to the various self-schemas that we have developed over the years. But the question now is: how do these self-schemas develop in the first place?

Modern studies in human behavior and thinking have been able to define specific contours and boundaries when it comes to the formation of the concept of the self. Of course, there can be endless debates as to how the self is actually developed over time.

The concept of the self is so important to so many disciplines that you will find different models and theories about it across a wide plethora of fields such as anthropology, philosophy and even literary criticism. But for the purpose of this book, we will be looking carefully at the concept of the self as it is applied directly to any social setting.

Now, let’s move on to a concept called self-comparison. Self-comparison is every important to the concept of the self because without it, there would be no way for a person to establish coordinates that will allow him to develop the self over time.

How does self-comparison work? Here’s a straightforward explanation: self-comparison works by setting standards that person would model himself against. These standards may come from an ideal mental image of the self or from certain standards emanating from one’s own social group. The type of comparison taking place in our minds is dependent on the kind of self-awareness that we have.

If you are always privately self-aware, you are more concerned with personal standards of appearance, behavior, accomplishments, etc. If you have a higher level of public self-awareness, you will be more concerned with what other people think of you and how other see you, so you are more concerned with extraneous  standards of behavior, appearance, etc.

Self-comparison can happen on both conscious and subconscious levels. So even if you are not consciously thinking that you are trying to satisfy certain standards in your life, you are actually actively working to fulfill these standards in your own life.

Only a person with very dim self-awareness will be able to avoid this type of thinking because any person who wants to at the best position to influence others and to accomplish his goals in life would want full access to mental tools that will allow a person to modify his way of thinking.

The Four-Step Feedback Method

According to one theory, people consciously (or unconsciously) use a four-step feedback method to test whether or not they are attaining personal goals or satisfying particular standards. You can use this feedback method too, so you can systematically improve certain aspects of your life that require your attention. The four-step feedback method works this way:

Step # 1: Identify a particular goal or standard that you think would help improve yourself in any way.

Step # 2: Ask yourself – do you already fulfill this standard or have you attained this goal?

If the answer is “no”, proceed to Step # 4. If the answer is “yes”, proceed with Step # 3.

Step # 3: What would help you attain this goal or satisfy this private/personal or public standard? Test your theory and perform the actions needed to satisfy the standard you had in mind. After testing your theory through action and appropriate decision-making, ask yourself once again: do you satisfy the standard?

If the answer is “no”, repeat Step # 3. If the answer is “yes”, proceed to Step # 4.

Step # 4: You have completed the feedback method.

It is crucial that you always ask yourself this vital question when you are performing the four-step feedback method: am I attaining my goal with what I am doing? Since you are choosing to consciously perform this feedback method, I have to remind you gentle folks that you have to go back to Step # 3 if you still haven’t satisfied the standard or goal that you had in mind.

Since this process of self-critique can be quite taxing, I recommend that you focus on one standard or one goal only whenever you want to perform this feedback method. Because according to social theory, 9 times out of 10, you will be mentally tuckered out after just one round with the four-step feedback method. So learn to pace yourself and don’t focus on other issues when you are actively engaged in this method.