6 Unconventional Ways to Overcome Objections

6 Unconventional Ways to Overcome Objections

“Until you can sell it nothing else matters”. -
Paul Mascetta

What does the above statement mean exactly?

Well in a nutshell it means that you can have the greatest product, service, idea or life changing information but if you cannot sell it, it will not serve you well. In life - and specifically in business - your ability to sell will be the greatest attribute that you have. But you know this already.

(You do know this already right?)

Ok good.

This is known as an objection. The English dictionary defines an objection as “a reason or argument offered in disagreement, opposition, refusal, or disapproval”.

“I need to think about it.”
“I'm not sure.”
“I need to talk to my wife.”

If you’ve been in sales for any length of time, you’ve heard an objection. It’s part of the process. But one of the things that separates great salespeople from mediocre ones is the ability to overcome objections.

Now let me be clear. This is isn’t a blog post filled with scripts that you can use to diplomatically debate with your prospect or customer. Those are a dime a dozen. You can find that stuff just about anywhere on the Internet. This is different. What ’m going to share with you here are ten unconventional objection killers that are designed to subconsciously help overcome the hurdles that stand in your way from gaining compliance.

There are actually ten more which I reveal in my program Universal Influence: 101 Ways To Influence Anyone.

Killer #1 - Belief Affirmation
Dealing with objections is very common in the world of influence. Objection is the twin brother of agreement – there really is no way to have one without the other. This doesn’t mean you should resign yourself to losses and defeats; you just have to know how to entice agreement (instead of objection). The easiest way to handle objections is by avoiding them in the first place. You see, people hold their core beliefs and principles sacred. They have to protect these beliefs because these ideas represent stability in a person’s life. Attempting to change them on the spot will cause the other person to become overly defensive. To avoid the situation where you have to engage in verbal fencing with a defensive influencee, I suggest that you find as many values and beliefs to reaffirm before making your offer. Because as you agree with another person’s beliefs, his defenses go down until he no longer feels threatened by your presence or your ideas. A person would slam the door on a stranger who’s offering the fountain of youth – but a person would never say no to a best friend who has cooked up a crazy idea. I want you to strive to become your subject’s ‘best friend’ during the conversation. I want you to make the subject as comfortable and trusting as possible so you can avoid objections. Of course, there would still be objections but as a person becomes more and more trusting, he would find fewer and fewer reasons to object to what is being laid out on the table. Avoid debates that directly counter the subject’s longstanding beliefs – even if you win, your subject will never forgive you for debunking his belief. It’s better to harmonize with subject as much as possible – arguments only create friction and distance between you and the subject.

Killer #2 - Outcome Focusing
When a master influencer comes across a truly reluctant subject, he must not feel even an iota of despair because even the most reticent subject can be gradually drawn out from their defensive stance and fully influenced. If your influence groundwork is falling apart, you need a more robust system of persuasion. In this section I’m going to share with eight simple steps that will counter most objections by focusing on the outcome of the transaction between you and the other party.
1. Identify the problem that your offer can solve. You have to be very specific here because wary subjects tend to ignore generalizations even more. Be specific about the issue or problem that you can help solve.
2. After identifying the problem I want you to show the subject what would happen if this problem continues and he does not do anything to resolve it. Showcase the negative outcomes (i.e. extra costs over time) that will result from inaction.
3. Ask the subject what type of resolution or outcome he wants to see after being confronted with the issue or problem.
4. Ask the subject what would happen if he chooses to solve the problem.
5. Ask the subject again if this new route (the resolution) is really what he wants at the moment. 6. Think of the long-term effects of the solution that you are offering the subject. Will it really help the other person or will it benefit only you in the end?
6. Reevaluate. If you think your solution won’t help in the long-term you have to make this clear to the other subject so he won’t have any undue expectations.
7. If the subject gives an answer that doesn’t completely align with what you want to hear, don’t be too quick to judge. Hear him out and try convincing him again.
8. Never insinuate or state that the other person’s beliefs are wrong. You will only open a can of worms each time that you do that. Harmonize instead of creating more friction.

Killer #3 - Peak Experience
Humans have a funny way of processing and remembering events. If a person enjoyed something, even if it were just ten minutes of relaxation, he would remember that for as long as he lived. But if he were enjoying something and that enjoyment was interrupted for even a short period of time, he would remember the end-experience (which is negative) and forget all about the previous pleasure or enjoyment that he had experienced prior to the negative end-experience. This is by no means an obstacle to influence but rather, it is a window of opportunity. If someone says no to your offer, backtrack just a little bit so you can ask questions that would later erode the resistance of the subject. If your offer was rejected at first, I want you to ask the subject about his last experience with your competitor. A competitor is any person (or business, if you are a business person) that was previously associated with the subject. Slowly draw out their negative experience and what happened after they had that negative experience. At this point in time, your subject will slowly remember the negatives more than the positives because that is simply how the human mind operates. After drawing out the negative experiences from your competitor, slowly lead the subject to what you have to offer and what you can do so that he will never have such negative experiences every again (if he chooses to stick with your offer). Just make sure that you can back up your claims with action; otherwise, the subject will most likely leave you again after having a bad experience. You can use this tactic to transform a “no” mindset into a “yes” mindset. It might take some time to take effect, but it will eventually work. And it can be used in any situation, too!

Killer #4 - Harmonize
When an influencer is operating on full power, he usually views the subject as a direct target. The influencer will do everything in his power to disprove the other person’s beliefs about what is being offered at the moment. The result of such all-out attacks is usually utter failure. Because no matter how hard you insinuate that a person is wrong for holding certain beliefs, that person will simply ignore you – or worse, fight you until the very end. And we know what that means for influencers. Influencers are at a disadvantage because if the subject walks away, the influencer walks away with nothing but tension and disappointment. So here’s my advice to you when you are faced with the task of persuading someone who is unmoving in his beliefs. Don’t tell the other person that he’s wrong. Don’t tell him that he has been holding ineffective or false beliefs all his life. Don’t say that you are in the right and he’s utterly wrong. Instead, harmonize with the other person and ask him to imagine himself performing something for you by accepting another belief. The subject must realize himself what he can gain by accepting your offer. And if his beliefs are getting in the way, you must loosen those deeply embedded beliefs by providing beliefs of your own. Beliefs eventually lead to target behavior. Your goal is to change someone’s belief so that his behavior will also change. You can’t change a person’s behavior for the long term if his beliefs remain the same. Your subject must experience for himself what would happen if he changed his beliefs. You become more than an influencer – you will actually be instructing and guiding the person as he transforms his deeply rooted beliefs. That is completely different from just saying that the other person is wrong. Doing that will clearly get you nowhere – fast.

Killer #5 - Avoid Option Attachment
There are three things that you would always want to avoid when you are pitching an idea, product or service: buyer remorse, anticipated regret and the worst of the three, option attachment. Buyer remorse takes place when the person regrets having purchased something from you. Anticipated regret is the decision to not buy anything because the buyer feels that he will only regret it later on. Option attachment is the deadliest of the three because it can leave a potential buyer paralyzed with indecision for a very long time.
What is option attachment anyway? Option attachment happens when a person is faced with two options that he finds very attractive. To the decision-maker, choosing one would mean losing the other good option and so choosing would actually equate with instant loss. The option-attached individual would also feel that if he chooses one, the other option would probably look tantalizingly attractive a few days later. Faced with this loopy conundrum, the option-attached subject will think about the two options to no end – but he will not make a decision anytime soon. To the influencer, option-attached individuals represent uncertainty and a potential dead end. You can remedy this problem in two steps. First, you have to make sure that during the dialog, the subject will not grow fond or attached to any other option that you present (in the effort to explore both sides of the coin). To be safe, showcase an inferior option so that it would not be logical to be found of such an option at all. The decision-making stage should also be as quick as possible. Lead the subject to say yes; don’t wait for him to say yes because if you allow him to do that he might grow even more attached to options that you presented him. The second step has something to do with the options involved in your discussion. Don’t start with the better option (which is your offer). Start with the poorer option and then transition as fast as you can to the better option. Don’t let the subject develop a connection with the option that will ultimately be discarded.

Killer #6 – Behavioral Scripts
Behavioral Scripts Objections arise because the subject is unsure where to go – the ‘default’ response to uncertainty is disagreement. Disagreement is equated with stability and avoidance of change. Change can either be good or bad – but humans instinctually associate change with negative consequences so that’s another obstacle that you should prepare for. If you do encounter a staunch objection, you can try behavioral scripts to modify the cause of the negative behavior, which is just the belief of the person regarding a particular issue or object. Here’s an example of a behavioral script: “You open your email in the morning to find that you have made three hundred sales in just one day. You also receive a report that your store has been restocked and your website is in fine working condition. You don’t have to worry about a thing anymore as you prepare for a fine day with the family. We take care of everything, night and day for you.”
When you give a person a script to work with, you are actually giving the other person instructions as to how he can modify his own behavior. He might not understand the nature of the script, but that’s how it works. The best thing about behavior scripts is that people tend to repeat the script even after the meeting. This is influence in action. Your words and your intentions stay with the subject even if you are not there with them anymore. However, in order for a behavioral script to be truly effective you must instruct the subject to imagine himself in the ideal situation. It won’t work if he imagines some John Doe getting all the benefits of your offer. He must experience the benefits in his own imagination so that the effect and impact of the script will linger for days. In your next meeting, try asking for compliance again – you might be surprised with the subject’s answer then.

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Three Ways To Gain Compliance With NLP

I'm a big fan of NLP. And for many reasons...which I won't bore you with here.

Instead, I'll tell you just one: Through extensive research Richard Bandler & John Grinder made sense of some of the most complex questions we have about what makes people achieve greatness at certain things.

And a large part of their findings had to do with language; both the language that we use when speaking to others as well as the dialogue we have with ourselves in our minds.

Today I want to share 3 simple NLP language techniques that you can start using right now to influence, persuade and gain compliance .

#1 Mind Shift

Too often we are faced with the problem of having to deal with a subject whose line of thinking seems to be stuck in one direction. Unless you know how to shift that person’s mind flow, you will have to wait until he finishes with what he has to say. Sometimes, it’s better to interrupt and then shift the issue at hand so you can accomplish your goals faster. It’s not that I’m encouraging you to not listen to your subject.

What I am emphasizing is that you have to learn to stealthily shift the conversation to your target issue or topic so you can lead the subject more easily to where you really want to go. You can do this by using the redefine pattern.

When can you use the redefine pattern? Here are some instances where this NLP pattern would be most useful:

1. When you find yourself in an endless argument with someone who doesn’t seem to want to back down from a single issue.
2. When you encounter an invalid or stalling objection.
3. When the subject seems to be talking about something that is not even remotely related to the target issues.
4. When you want to ask someone out on a date but the other person is talking about something else.

As you can see from the list, the redefine pattern can be used in business and even in the most basic of personal interactions with other people. It can be used in everyday situations. The pattern itself is also very easy to remember:

“The real issue here is not (A), it’s (B) and because of that...”
The (A) variable represents the non-target topic or issue while the (B) variable is the new topic or issue that you want to open up.

Want To Learn The Other 17 NLP Language Patterns
(and 81 More Ways To Make People Say "Yes"?)

Then You Need Universal Influence

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# 2 Agreement Frames

One of the biggest problems in the field of influence is that we can’t influence a subject if the subject doesn’t even want to listen in the first place. We can’t execute any of our brilliant plans if the other party is ignoring or worse, being defensive to the point that he is no longer capable of listening to any logical argument. In such instances, you can use an agreement frame to ensure compliance – and I can assure you, the subject won’t even know why he has complied with you and why he has chosen to consciously listen to what you have to say.

As you can see, this particular NLP pattern will work on creative thinkers and logical thinkers alike. No matter what kind of mindset the subject has, it would work. An agreement frame allows a person to agree with another person but at the same time he would be able to add elements that are completely opposite to what the other person is actually saying. It sounds a little crazy straight from the page but trust me – this is classical neuro linguistic programming at its best. Before I reveal the pattern to you, I have to remind you at this point in time that no pattern will be effective unless your vocal skills are supporting what you want to accomplish.

Your voice has to be just as influential and persuasive as your words. Most influencers get too excited and rush the words as they come to mind. Don’t do this anymore because it reduces the effectiveness of your message.

Transform that energy and excitement into a deep and slow cadence so that the other person would easily absorb and process the information coming from you.
Now that we’ve discussed that, let’s proceed with the pattern. This pattern is just as easy as the previous NLP pattern I discussed with you.

The basic formula is “I agree and would like to add that _____”. Notice that you will be using “and” instead of the more usual “but”.

You will be using “and” because it cues the other person to listen intently at what you have to say. If you use “but”, that would cue the subject to be defensive because you are about to drop something negative. Try this pattern and see how it actually encourages people to listen to views that are different from theirs.

#3 Yes Sets

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a language pattern that you can use that would make people say “yes” even if they haven’t really thought about what they agreed upon? Well, since you are an ethical fellow who probably won’t use such a pattern to cause harm to anyone, I’m going to share it with you in this section. You may have heard of “yes sets” elsewhere; it has been around for decades and it has only been revived recently when the interest in influence persuasion increased. A “yes set” is actually a line of statements that pace and lead people to say “yes!”.

Pacing and leading are basic skills of hypnotherapists and NLP trainers. You will be able to pace and lead someone if basic rapport has already been established. If not, you have to go back to square one because people won’t respond to a yes set if they haven’t an idea why they should trust you in the first place. “Yes sets” can be quite effective because they lead a person to believe that everything that is contained within a statement is true.

Here’s an example:

“As you are reading the words on this page, taking in all the useful information, you are feeling more and more relaxed.”

Did you get the formula just by reading the sample sentence? If not, that’s alright, here’s the explanation: a yes set is a statement that is usually comprised by three elements. Two elements in the statement are true and can be easily verified by the senses (taste, smell, sight, touch, hearing) while the third element can either be true or false.

But since it’s a yes set, the person would agree twice in a row and he would most likely accept the third element as true, too. This NLP pattern works well because it latches on cleanly to the cross-referencing tendency of the subconscious mind.

As you are reading this post, remembering these lessons, you will feel the need to practice these methods at least 10 minutes every day to get the best results.

Want To Learn The Other 17 NLP Language Patterns
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NLP Stuff: Why People Think The Way They Do

NLP Stuff: Why People Think The Way They Do

People process information differently and consequently, they also provide unique responses or reactions to interactions and situations.

You always have to keep in mind that a person may or may not produce the reaction that you were hoping for during a conversation. In addition to factors like beliefs, we must also take into consideration additional response factors like meta programs and personal values.

A meta program is essentially a pattern of behavior. In neuro linguistic programming, meta programs are used to identify existing patterns of behavior and these can also be used to change attitudes and behaviors whenever change is needed.

People have their own meta programs which they use whenever a situation calls for it. A person can have several meta programs and he can use one or two programs at a time if he deems those meta programs appropriate for the situation.

Of course, laymen won’t say that they have any fixed patterns of behavior. But to NLP practitioners, that is simply not true because if people didn’t have any fixed patterns of behavior, it is possible that people would be doing extremely random things on a daily basis.

To understand the concept of meta programs further, let us examine two common meta programs: introversion and extroversion.

An introvert individual has the following characteristics:

- He prefers to be on his lonesome when he feels weary and exhausted from work or any other activity.

- He does not want many friends. He prefers to stick to a few close friends who truly understand what he is all about.

- He may feel very affected when an imagined or actual slight takes place. He may use the slight as proof that the other person is undesirable.

- He has very specific interests and shows mastery of these interests

- He prefers to be alone most of the time

An extrovert individual on the other hand, has a completely different set of characteristics:

- He wants to be around people so that he could feel relaxed and refreshed.

- He acquires lots of friends but does not have any deep connection with any of his friends.

- He may have experienced a slight but he would be willing to overlook the slight. A slight does not mean that his day is ruined.

- Has a broader range of interests but does not aim to have as much knowledge as an introvert.

- He is typically more gregarious.

It is important to remember that meta programs are there because people find them useful. One must not judge a person negatively just because he is more introverted and vice versa.
It is also important to note that an introverted individual may choose to act extroverted in the presence of his closest friends. Inversely, an extroverted individual may feel intimidated by new people and may choose to show his introverted side until he feels more comfortable around new company.

People can use and discard different meta programs throughout the course of the day because meta programs are simply patterns of behavior that help a person adjust to what he believes are pressing changes in his environment.

The second factor that influences how people react to situations and other people is values. Values are taught to us by society (including our family) and we also create our own values as we enter adulthood.

Values are learned and maintained because they give people a semblance of stability in a dynamic and often complex world. Values also help people focus on the things that matter to them the most. Many of our personal values help us.

Sometimes, traumatic events can lead us to create negative values that may have a severe impact in the way we conduct ourselves in real life. These negative values can actually impede a person’s personal and professional growth.

A close re-examination of personal values may be in order if a person thinks that there is something in his way of life that may be blocking him from gaining something really important in his life.

For example, a person who has been extremely devoted to the arts may find himself resistant to the idea of getting a regular job that provides a steady stream of cash. A re-evaluation of the person’s values may be necessary to understand why he doesn’t want to seek a job that would actually support his passion for the arts.

Now, when you are examining your own values or when you are helping another person examine his values in life, it is imperative that you differentiate the various areas of life before enumerating each area’s existing values. You have to be careful with the context of values because the rank/importance of values changes depending on what life area you are focusing on.

You can easily identify and modify values in each area of your life. Here is a modified exercise that will help you analyze if a value in a certain area of your life is impeding you from doing something that you really need to do or may be stopping you from reaching for something that you really want to happen:

1. Ask yourself: what area in my life needs help? What area in my life needs improvement? List down that general area on a piece of paper.

2. List down all the things that you consider important in this area of your life. If you chose work, you may list down things like “getting things done on time”, “being a good sport”, etc. List as many values as you’d like. Just make sure that the things you are listing are really important to you when it comes to this area of your life.

3. After making your list, I want you to re- read the list. Is something missing? If something is missing, feel free to add to the list. Take your time.

4. Rank the values that you have listed down from most important to least important.

5. Re-read the list once again and this time, try to determine if you are making a generalization, distortion or deletion. After categorizing the values that needed to be categorized, ask yourself if these values are stopping you from pursuing something that you want in your life.

Another factor that is worth examining is a person’s beliefs. Beliefs are especially important in the context of neuro-linguistic programming because beliefs directly influence how a person understands the various situations that he faces in his daily life.

If a person has a strong set of beliefs about something, he will do everything to defend those beliefs (if they are being attacked) and he will also make sure that all his actions will reflect all those core beliefs that he holds.

Before a piece of information can be accepted by the human mind as a belief, there has to be some form of validation. Validation can come from the people around you, from society itself or from self- validation through human experiences.

The next factor is attitude. An attitude is defined as “a position assumed for a specific purpose”. Another definition also fits the bill: “an attitude is a mental position with regard to a fact or state”. A person’s attitude is a determinant of his response to specific situations.

Attitudes arise from a concatenation of different factors like behaviors, beliefs, values, etc. Attitudes are also formed from your collective experiences with people and situations. You will be able to detect a person’s attitude toward a situation or object by examining how he speaks and how he acts.

You can help modify a person’s attitude by making direct statements regarding the object that the person is addressing with his attitude. For example, if you have a friend who has been whining for the longest time about the amount of money he is forwarding for taxes, you may want to remind him about countries where tax collection isn’t efficient.

If someone you know is constantly complaining about work at the office, remind that person that the unemployment rate is high and there are many ways to reduce the stress associated with work in the office.

The next factor is the memories that people have. Memories are created by the brain with just one purpose – for retrieval and use in a present or future time. Memories are created with various mental filters; your memory of one event is different from the memory of another person who witnessed the same event.

A person’s memories are used primarily to predict what would happen in a given situation.

For example, if a person has had a bad experience with cheap electric grills, he may anticipate that the electric grill at an outdoor barbecue would break down suddenly while in the middle of a picnic. That is the power of memories.

Again, your memories (like your beliefs and values) can help you move on with life or they can also serve as stop-brakes if the said memories have a lot of negative emotions attached to them. It is important to address negative and traumatic memories so you won’t end up creating limiting beliefs and limiting decisions.

And finally, we have decisions. Decisions are created with the help of values, beliefs and memories. Many of our decisions have helped us create a comfortable state for ourselves and our families. However, there will be times when our own decisions will limit what we deem appropriate or achievable in our lives.

For example, a person who did not go to school may say “I’m an idiot, I didn’t go to school and therefore I would never amount to anything” or “I’m poor now, I was poor then and I will always be poor because my whole family is mired in poverty”.

These limiting decisions can definitely stop a person from pursuing newer avenues of growth and personal excellence. It should be noted there that many of the limiting beliefs and limiting decisions that we have now were not formed consciously.

The conscious mind rarely creates beliefs that directly impede personal growth because it wants the self to develop and progress. The subconscious mind on the other hand, can sometimes create negative beliefs based on the emotions and thoughts that it is receiving.

The subconscious mind does not want to sabotage any person; but it can’t help creating limiting beliefs and limiting decisions if it is receiving a lot of negative affirmations and negative thoughts in the first place.

[Video] NLP Eye Accessing Cues

[Video] NLP Eye Accessing Cues

One of the most unique tools available in neuro linguistic programming is the accessing cues. Accessing cues are simply eye movements that are associated with specific sensory filters.

Each person has a neutral state and state where he is accessing visual constructs/images, sounds, feelings, etc. To understand how this simple yet extremely accurate system works, I’ve prepared a complete list for you.

Eye movement: Top right
Modality: Visual constructed
Meaning: The person is currently processing images that he has not encountered before

Eye movement: Top left
Modality: Visual remembered
Meaning: The person is recalling images that he has encountered before

Eye movement: Blank stare
Modality: Visual
Meaning: The person is recalling both new and old visual constructs in his mind.

Eye movement: Center right
Modality: Auditory constructed
Meaning: The person is hearing sounds that he has not encountered before

Eye movement: Center left
Modality: Auditory remembered
Meaning: The person is hearing sounds that he has encountered in the past.

Eye movement: Bottom left
Modality: Auditory internal dialog
Meaning: The person is just talking to himself in his mind

Eye movement: Bottom right
Modality: Kinesthetic
Meaning: The person is recalling emotions and sensations he has encountered with his sense of touch.

As you can see from the list of modalities, a person can reveal how he is processing a question or new information through the automatic movement of his eyes.

With this specialized information, you would be able to easily tailor your own contributions to an interaction by providing what the other person needs in terms of what kinds of modalities he’s using throughout a conversation.

For example, a person who sues kinesthetic and visual modalities would respond quite easily to a person who uses the appropriate language to express himself. A visual-kinaesthetic person would readily agree to a statement like “I see that you are happy with the result and I truly feel that this project will be beneficial to both of us”.

Notice how a single statement uses two distinct modalities to get a single message across. The necessary modifications have to be done to ensure that the other person is paying attention to what you are saying and he will choose to agree with the end because you are using the same modalities to communicate with him.

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How To Use Your Memories As A Power Tool

How To Use Your Memories As A Power Tool

Memories are literally the stuff of life and dreams. They can help you move forward in your life or they can act as obstacles to your biggest dreams in life. Memories have the capacity to help a person achieve success in a very short period of time.

Inversely, memories can also block a person from having a normal life for many, many years. Memories are such an integral part of human nature that writers and artists have long discovered just how central memories are to the dynamic nature of life itself.

Without memories, mankind would not know where to go nor will it have any sense of identity. Neuro-linguistic programming acknowledges the fact that in order to move forward in one’s life, one must have full control of memories.

Memories should help people accomplish their goals. If a person feels that he has been held back because of negative thoughts and traumatic memories, then there is only one logical route – he has to take control of these traumatic memories so that he would be able to move on with his life. In this part of the book I am going to share with you some simple exercises that will enable you to manipulate both positive and negative memories.

Memory manipulation helps people cope with traumatic events in their past. The main goal of memory manipulation is to increase the impact of positive memories and drastically reduce the impact of negative memories. I am going to show you how to do both.

Some of you might be asking – why would anyone want to manipulate positive memories?

Well, positive memories can easily bring about a stream of wonderful emotions and thoughts. Positivity in one’s life attracts more positivity. Here is a step-by-step process that will allow you to heighten the impact of positive memories:

1. Think of a time that you felt really complete, happy and satisfied. It doesn’t matter if this memory belongs to the distant past and things have changed so much that the memory is now dissonant from reality. Focus on that great memory alone and nothing else. Do not compare the memory with associated memories and do not compare the memory with what is presently happening at the present time.

2. Become aware of the various sensory impulses associated with that memory. Most people would be immediately aware of the visual modality of their memory.

I want you to focus on other modalities like smell, feel, sound or even taste. Recall as much detail as you can from the memory and don’t stop recalling until you feel that you have exhausted your memory bank.

3. If you are a visual thinker, try to increase the detail of the image that you have in your head. If the memory looks like a snapshot, try to animate it like a movie. Step into the picture and interact with individuals in the memory.

Animate yourself and let the imaginary you talk to people in the memory. Adjust the brightness of the image and make the colors more vivid than before. Heighten these details of the visual memory until you feel that the experience has just taken place right now.

4. Now focus on the sounds and other sensory impulses you are getting from the memory. Heighten these sounds and make your brain ‘hear’ all of the sounds and sensory experiences it has recorded during that time. Examine your thoughts and emotions as you do this. Do you feel happier and lighter now that the memory has been modified this way?

5. How do you feel after recalling the details of the memory? If you feel happy, where do you feel the happiness emanating? Is the sensation coming from your hands, face or perhaps your belly? Visualize the sensation; does it have color or perhaps even a shape? What does the positive sensation look like?

6. Once you are able to visualize the manifestations of happiness, heighten these manifestations in your mind. Increase the brightness and make the colors look more vivid as well. Do this until more positive emotions are triggered and you feel as if the positive memory itself has already been changed.

This simple NLP exercise shows how easy it can be to directly modify existing thoughts so that the brain would recall a completely modified version of the memory. This exercise also shows that we always have full control of how memories look and feel and how memories can actually impact us.

More than anything, neuro-linguistic programming helps people unlock their own minds so that they could get the most out of their lives. Many people feel trapped because they are prisoners of their own bad memories. Well, now you know that no matter how bad it gets, there are always ways to change how our past life experiences affect us now.

Neuro linguistic programming teaches us that the human mind has vast potential and there always ways to change it for the better. NLP also teaches people that through very simple mental adjustments, a lot of progress can be made in a person’s life.

Now, if positive memories can be modified so that they can have an even bigger impact in our lives, can we use the same modification principles on negative emotions?

Negative memories and positive memories essentially have the same structure and therefore, both can be dealt with fairly easily. In the second exercise below, you will learn how to deal with negative memories so that these memories would have less impact on you:

1. First, think of one bad day that you’ve had where everything seems to be going wrong. Unless you are a very experienced NLP practitioner already, I do not recommend using memories that represent major traumatic events. Leave those memories for now. Use memories that are manageable in size and scope so that you would have a desirable outcome after the exercise.

2. Become aware of the various details associated with the negative memory. Gather enough detail so that the memory becomes fresh in your mind once again.

3. If the memory brings you within the mental image immediately, I want you to step out of the picture so that you would be detached from what is happening in the memory.

4. With the various details of the memory clearly fixed in your mind, begin modifying the submodalities. If someone is talking harshly to you or someone else, change the quality of the sound. Make the character speak in a funny voice. Soften the sound of the voice or just lower its tone so that the words do not sound as painful or hurtful.

If you have any other sensory impulses associated with the memory, change these impulses so that the impulses become completely different. The goal is to change the memory so that when you recall it, it won’t have the same impact as before.

5. Focus once again on the visual aspect of the memory. Change the submodalities of the visual aspect. Make the image darker and duller than it really is.

You can even make the picture smaller if you want to. Remove parts of the picture if you want, to make the memory look foreign and unintelligible.

Important Note:

When a person uses neurolinguistic programming to modify a negative or traumatic memory, he is not telling himself that the event did not happen. That is not the point of the whole exercise.

What we do want to happen is loosen the painful grip of these negative memories so that you will no longer feel hurt or trapped when these memories suddenly resurface from your subconscious.

This technique is especially helpful in cases where the subject in question is unable to provide a satisfactory resolution to his own negative memories. If the negative memory cannot be resolved, then it would be best to modify it so that it won’t harm the person as much when it resurfaces from the subconscious.

How To Use Dreams To Map Out The Life You Want

How To Use Dreams To Map Out The Life You Want

When we were growing up, we were taught to dream less because dreams belong to the realm of the non-existent and no one in their right mind would choose dreamland over reality.

Humans were blessed by nature with the natural ability to dream (or daydream); it is unfortunate the cynicism of society doesn’t encourage this activity anymore. Little do people know that daydreaming can actually help a person improve his life from within so that he would be more prepared to handle the challenges of the real world.

The following NLP exercise will help you rediscover the potency of dreams and mental play and will also reintroduce you to the idea of mapping out your future through visualization:

1. The first thing that you need to do is to identify a lifelong desire or goal. Go crazy with this goal or desire. Imagine that you have a genie in a magic lamp. Visualize that you have every resource imaginable to make your desire or goal a reality. Are you ready with that great desire or goal? Picture that goal clearly in your mind and proceed to the next step.

2. Now that you have a goal in mind, list down all of the reasons why you have this desire or goal in the first place. If you have thirty reasons why you want this goal to be accomplished, write them all down. Examine the list that you have created. Were you expecting all of these reasons at all? Are you somewhat surprised at all of these core values that you thought you never had?

3. After listing down all of the reasons and values that you associate with the lifelong goal, visualize that you are floating and you are flying to a not too distant future where your lifelong goal has finally come true.

4. Float into the picture and try to animate everything around you. Ask yourself questions like how does it feel to be in that distant time? What are the sights and sounds? What are you wearing? How does the air feel in this distant time?

5. As you visualize the distant time, I want you to turn up the details. Make every detail as vibrant and bright as possible. If you smell something, make the smell so strong that you could almost feel the scent permeating your nose. If you are wearing a new dress or a new suit in the visualization, imagine how the cloth feels on your skin and heighten that feeling as well.

6. When the visualization is as strong and vibrant as possible, I want you to start observing your surroundings more closely. Try to pick up important details that you think would help you achieve this lifelong goal.

No detail is too small. If something appeared in your visualization that means your mind is trying to tell you something. Absorb everything in your daydream. Write down all of the important and interesting details that you have picked up later on.

7. When you are done observing, bid farewell to that sweet time in the future and come back. When you are fully refreshed from your dream, begin the journey that will make your dream come true!

Important Note:

Daydreaming is actually the subconscious mind’s way of reminding us how to get things done. It will continually remind us through the use of images and symbols until we finally understand what it’s trying to say.

Case Studies On Mirroring Reenforce It's Power

Ever order food in a restaurant only to have the server respond by saying "ok" or "coming right up?"

How does this make you feel?

At first glance, you may think you feel indifferent about receiving either one of those responses but subconsciously you would probably prefer if they repeated the order back to you. At least that's what the subjects in Rick van Barren's case study showed.

In fact, diners in one restaurant increased their tip sizes by nearly 70% simply because the server repeated the order back to them.

Can you imagine increasing the amount of money you receive each day by simply changing a few words? This is extremely powerful.

Aside from the element of interest displayed by ensuring the order is correct, the server is also mirroring the diner.

Similar to matching, mirroring is basically when you align your actions or movements with that of your target and countless studies have proven how effective it is.

Take the experiment by social psychologists Tanya Chartrand and John Bargh where one group of research assistants were asked to mirror the posture and behavior of subject while another group was told not to.

When the study concluded, the participants who were paired with an assistant who mirrored felt that interactions went smoother than those who were paired with assistants that did not.

Another researcher by the name of William Maddux and his colleagues conducted a set of experiments on mirroring during negotiation sessions. During the trial MBA students were either asked to subtly mirror their partner or not mirror them at all.

The results showed that the group who mirrored were 67% likely to reach a deal whereas the group who didn't mirror was only 12.5% likely.

Mirroring creates connection through similarity. When we feel similar to someone, we are more likely to open up to them because we feel comfortable around them. Oftentimes, it's the details that we disclose during  a state of comfort that allow agreements to be reached.

Aside from that, when we feel similar to someone we are more open to their point of view and more likely to accept their opinions.

Never underestimate the power of mirroring. It continues to prove itself over and over again.

NLP Anchoring

Isn't it amazing how you can stop a 200 ton boat in its tracks by simply dropping an anchor into the sea?

Anchors are extremely powerful and useful when it comes to keeping things in place and preventing them from drifting away.

Well what if I told you there was a way to do this with your positive emotions?

We've all had time in our lives when we felt more confident, more powerful and more skilled in a certain area.

And we've all certainly had those times were we felt like no matter what we tried, nothing seemed to work.  Did you ever notice that in both positive and negative mind states, we seem to build momentum in both cases?

In other words, when we're in a state of positivity, we just seem to build on that and enter what is known as the “zone”. And when we’re in a state of negativity, we feel like “when it rains, it pours”.

Let’s talk about positivity for a moment.

I can't think of a better example of someone being in the “zone” then Reggie Miller in the game-winning performance that he put on during game five in the 1994 NBA playoffs against the New York Knicks.

Coming into the game, the Indiana Pacers had lost 11 straight games at Madison Square Garden; but this game would be different.

In the fourth quarter of the game, Reggie scored 25 of his total 39 points and nailed five 3 pointers leading his team to a 93 – 86 win.  Keep in mind, the Pacers also came into this quarter down by 12 points.

This kind of positive momentum takes place in people's lives all the time, the problem is that most people don't know how to consciously make it happen whenever they want.

They know the feeling when they experience it and they know they're in the zone but very few people can actually get into that state whenever they choose.

Today I want to share a really interesting article with you on an NLP technique called anchoring.

Anchoring will basically allow you to effectively achieve the positive mental state of being in the zone and then remain in that place just as an anchor holds a ship in place.

Anchoring is a very useful tool. As the word implies, anchoring has to do with setting something up that will take firm hold in place.

What makes anchors so powerful is that you can use them to hold positive mental states in place including confidence, attraction, intelligence, humor, etc.

But you can also anchor alders to you to prevent them from drifting away.  Anchors are also talk to the concepts around you and when bringing all of these elements together, you can achieve things like making someone think you are funny even if you are generally not a funny person.

You can also anchor someone into thinking that you are extremely confident; here's how:

Anchoring yourself with confidence happens alone. When you anchor someone to yourself, it happens with someone else. 

Do not do this while driving, but what I would like you to do is to close your eyes and remember the time when you were confident. It can be anything. 

Examples are a birthday party, walking across the road and doing a good dead or anything else even if basic that you can pick out that made you feel confident. 

With your eyes closed, I’d like you to remember yourself in that situation. 

Whatever was going on is going on now in your mind. Paint the scene; see the colors and the people, if there are any. Smell the scent in the air. Does it smell good or bad? Does it smell like you are indoors or outdoors, like something new or old? Perhaps you just smell the clean air? What do you hear? Are people applauding, talking? Are their other sounds like those of birds?

Most importantly, how do you feel? How does it feel emotionally? Pretty good? 

Of course you do because you accomplished something and that feels good. It does not have to be an accomplishment; it can simply be that today I feel good. 

I have some sunglasses on, my hair is fixed up just so and I am wearing certain clothes as I sit in a nice car. I feel good. It can be anything but you are there now, in your memory. At that time when you felt really good, you felt confident. Notice the calmness that comes with that. Once we accomplish something and feel good, we can relax and think that we are worthy and we are a good person. Just kind of soak that in now and feel how good that is. 

I now want you to turn everything upside down a bit - The sounds, the smells and everything. Feel it more intensely and feel the clothes on your body. You notice how we are using the three major representational systems, auditory, visual and kinesthetic. Something to see, hear and feel inside and out. 

Also, pay attention to the odors and any other senses that you want. Make everything intense now and especially that sense of feeling good. It feels good to be you right in this moment in your memory. Feel the moment more intensely. 

Good. What I want you to do is make the OK sign with your right hand. That means touching the tip of your right index finger to the tip of your right thumb, as if you were saying ‘okay’ to someone. 

I want you to also say the word ‘power’ and to do that now. Good. I want you to slowly open your eyes. What we’ve done is installed an anchor for confidence. The next time you feel the lack of power or confidence in any situation, all you have to do is make the okay sound with your right hand and say the word power. That feeling of confidence will come back to you.

NLP Embedded Commands

Today I want to talk about a term called phonological ambiguity.  I know it may sound pretty complicated, but what it means is that the brain cannot distinguish the difference between two words that sound alike but have different meanings. 

For example let’s take the word 'nose,' which represents the thing on your face that you use to smell things and the word 'knows,' which represents the fact that you understand something or have a certain amount of knowledge on a situation. 

Because these two words sound exactly alike, the brain cannot distinguish between the two of them.  In other words, they are ambiguous within your mind and can be understood interchangeably.

Here's how you can use this knowledge to influence just about anyone to do anything that you want. 

Within each of us is a conscious mind and a subconscious mind.  The conscious mind thinks, computes, calculates and can perform various other functions that involves “thinking.” 

The subconscious mind on the other hand does not “think,” it simply exists.  It makes rapid-fire decisions without you even realizing it, based on every previous experience you had in life. 

In the world of NLP, we use something called embedded commands to leverage the power of this truth.  Embedded commands, or analog marking, are the idea of marking out certain words in a statement that you are making. 

Many of these commands can be broken down to three word commands.  So the key is to break down the action that you want the person to take in just three words.  For example, let's say you wanted your friend to go to the store to pick you up some food, the only three words that need to be a part of this command are “Go to store.” 

But what makes embedded commands so interesting is that you are taking and formatting them in a way that is covert or so the person does not realize that they are receiving a command; but rest assured, they are.

This is what makes embedded commands so powerful.  Essentially, we can insert them into parts of conversations that have nothing to do with the command itself and get the person to do exactly what we want them to do. 

All you simply need to do is make a statement to someone and ensure that the three words essential to the command are in place, you just need to slightly emphasize them more. 

For instance, using the example of wanting someone to go to the store for you, you could use a statement like this (simply put more emphasis on the words in bold): I was trying to find someone's house the other day, but wasn't sure which way to GO so I asked TWO people and they said drive up to the next STORE and make a left.

What you have done here is created a statement that has absolutely nothing to do with what you want this person to do, yet they will eventually comply, because the command “GO TO STORE” was embedded in the statement. 

What makes this technique so great, is that it can be used in text messages and e-mails, just as it can in verbal communication.  When using it on both platforms, simply change the way the commands look in some aspect by either capitalizing or changing the font or making the words bigger.

Remember, it doesn't matter that I used the word two (which represents the number) in place of the word “to” because the mind can make a distinction anyway.  That makes the technique even more covert.

The key here is to just make sure that the commands have a slightly higher emphasis put on them than the rest of the words.  Notice that I said “slightly higher.” The idea is not to shout these words in a way that you bring attention to what you're doing just simply modify them in some way to make them stand out in the person's mind.