I remember once reading about a survey done on about 1,000 millionaires (most self-made) to see what success- driving characteristics they had in common. When asked what was the single most important contributor to their success, the majority of millionaires said it was their “ability to deal with people”.
It wasn’t their education, upbringing, talent, persistence or experience. It was their ability to effectively connect with others. And being persuasive is simply “dealing with and convincing people to do what you want them to do”. Think about it. The most successful people in the world - at some point in their lives - had to persuade someone else to either believe in their product, capability, knowledge, decision making process, etc.
Donald Trump would own no real estate if he didn’t persuade a bank to lend him money. Donald Trump by the way, could be viewed as a bad business man if he were judged solely on some aspects of track record. And there are much smarter and more effective business men in this world but Trump has created such an influential persona that people just associate him with success and “good business”.
Oprah Winfrey would have no TV show if she wasn’t able to persuade the producers to give her one. Robert Kyosaki would have never sold one copy of Rich Dad Poor Dad if he had not persuaded someone to publish it and furthermore, persuade the people reading it that he knew what he was talking about.
Steve Jobs and Mark Zuckerberg would have never created the tech monsters that rule the world at the levels that they do nowadays if they didn’t understand the the elements of influence and how they work. The funny thing is that many people take this aspect of life for granted. They either underestimate it’s power or they don’t even acknowledge it at all. But the fact of the matter is that it will not only amplify everything you do in life, it’s a natural part of life, period.
Nearly every aspect of human life involves influence on one level or another. You wake up in the morning in the place where you live – someone persuaded you either to rent or purchase that place. You get in your car – which someone persuaded you to buy. You drive to work – a job that you persuaded someone to believe that you deserve. You go to lunch – a place that you were persuaded on one level or another to believe that the food is good. You go home to your significant other – who persuaded you to believe that they are a good match for you.
that you deserve. You go to lunch – a place that you were persuaded on one level or another to believe that the food is good. You go home to your significant other – who persuaded you to believe that they are a good match for you.
What is it that you want to change or improve about your life? And what aspects of your life do you dedicate time toward improving?
Regardless of what it is in your life that you want to improve on or become better at, enhancing your ability to be more persuasive is essential toward ensuring success on your journey.
The Truth About How “Logical” You Are
As human beings, we would like to think that when we make decisions, we scrutinize and evaluate the information that we’re given and then ultimately make a logical decision based on our evaluation. In reality however, nothing could be further from the truth. Human beings very rarely make decisions that way; most of the time our decision-making process takes place without us even realizing it. This is because when living in the in the age of information, there is just not enough time for anyone to really evaluate every single piece of information that comes our way and then decide what we’re going to do with it.
Let's face it, thinking is hard work. We have to think about we’re going to wear to work, what to do at work, what we’re going to do with our lives, how we are going to get what we want from our children, what to make for dinner, what our futures will be like, what our children's future is going to be like, etc. That’s a lot to take in. There are so many things in life to think about that to consciously ponder every single decision that you're going to make is almost impossible. So instead, what we have are mental short-cuts that we use to dissect all of this information and make rapid decisions. These short-cuts appear in the form of preconceived ideas about what we believe or how we believe certain things should be. When we come across something that involves making a decision, we subconsciously cross-reference it with all the preconceived notions and beliefs that we have and then make a decision. This is why human beings are generally susceptible to the mental triggers that I'm going to speak about here. Activating these mental triggers takes place on a subconscious level which means that when people respond to the triggers, they don't even realize that they're doing it.
Triggers Of Mind Control
It is now time to explore the triggers of influence. These triggers are sometimes called the laws of influence because they have been proven time and time again to work. The triggers consist of various tactics that have been shown to result in the majority of people whom they are practiced on to behave in a certain way
The first trigger is known as the obligation trigger. Many years ago, when Dr. Robert Cialdini, - whom I consider to be the "godfather” of influence - was beginning his psychological research to really determine what makes people think and act in a certain way, one of the essential aspects that he touched upon was the reciprocity factor. People generally feel obligated to return favors or good deeds that have been done to them by others. What this means is that if youdo something good for someone, chances are they will feel indebted to you and want to return the favor. This is a technique that has been used for thousands of years. Even in ancient times when people didn't have money and barter was the general method of exchange among people, using reciprocity was just as popular then at as it is now. We see this many times in sales. I've been a salesman for practically my entire life. Most of the selling that I did was in the fitness industry. When someone would enter the club asking about membership information, the first thing I would do is offer the prospect of free bottle of water. This instantly sends a subconscious reciprocation trigger to the prospect causing them to feel obligated to history with and/or have never done anything with. But when they smile at us, we automatically fill indebted to smile back at them. There have been many multimillion dollar negotiations that began with one party bringing a gift to the meeting and presenting it to the other party before the negotiation even begins. This is a goodwill gesture, which sends a message into the mind of the other party that you’re here for a win-win and you want all parties to benefit. This lowers the resistance of the other party and makes them more receptive to whatever you have to say. It also creates a feeling of obligation within. Just as people feel naturally obliged to return favors, they also feel very uneasy if they don't return favors or if favors are not returned to them. The reciprocity or obligation trigger is nothing new and has been used for thousands of years. The key to making it work is knowing what to offer and ensuring that it will be on the same level of what you expect in return. I've seen countless people try to apply the obligation trigger only to have it not work because the other party had different idea or viewpoint about whatever was contributed to them. Always make sure you’re on the same level as your target.me in some way, shape or form. And in most cases, the way that the prospect returned the favor was by purchasing my product or service. Now I'm not saying that by simply giving the prospect a bottle of water or a gift of some sort, will always result in a sale. But the likelihood of you making the sale increases dramatically when you do. There's an old saying that says smiles are contagious; meaning that when someone smiles at us, we smile back. This is the obligation trigger in the rawest of forms. Many times, we receive smiles from people that we don't even know or that we have now.
The next trigger that I want to talk about is the contrast trigger. And what the contrast trigger shows us is that something always looks different when compared to something else. This is often why you will see a price tag on a retail item that has been crossed out with a lower price. Imagine walking into a store to buy a pair of jeans that you have been looking for. You have been debating about whether or not you really want to spend the money on another pair of jeans but you’ve convinced yourself that you need them and you’ll probably buy them if you can find them “at the right price”. You find the jeans in your size and look at the price tag which says $79. You begin to wonder if the $79 is the right price. Now imagine if that same thing had happened again only this time the price tag said $110 slashed down to $79. Now, compared to the $110 price tag, the $79 seems like a good deal but in reality it’s the same price. The only thing that changed was your perception once it was compared to something else. This is the contrast trigger in action. We see this in sales all the time. We make a presentation, and when we get to the price point we always set a higher price which becomes discounted down to a lower price so the prospect feels like they are getting a deal. If I'm selling you something for $50, and I presented it at $50 you will look at that figure and think for a few seconds about what that figure means to you based on previous experience, values and general beliefs. You will then decide whether or not $50 is - in your opinion - a lot of money. But if I presented the product to you and told you that it costs $300, but you could get it for $50, that product instantly appears more valuable to you. That's how the trigger of contrast works. You take something, compare it to something else and you instantly change the perception of what you are presenting to other people.
Many real estate agents use the trigger contrast when trying to sell homes. They will purposely show a prospect or a potential home buyer a house that is falling apart prior to showing them the house that they really want to sell them. When the prospect sees the second house, it instantaneously looks more glamorous and better maintained than the first house. This again, ties into the fact that people need to use mental shortcuts when making decisions as we very rarely have the time to assess and logically make a decision. We need to cross-reference whatever we’re being presented with now to whatever we've been presented with in the past. Generally speaking, if whatever we’re being presented with now seems better or equal to something we were presented with in the past, we will take action to obtain it. If it seems worse, we will not.
The next trigger of control that I want to talk about is the internal conflict trigger. As humans, we feel the need to act in accordance with our core beliefs and values. In other words, it is very difficult for us to behave or act in a way that is different from what we really believe deep down in our hearts. A researcher at Stanford University formulated something called the cognitive dissonance theory. In his own words, he stated when our actions conflict with our attitudes or beliefs; we become uncomfortable and motivated to try to change. The method by which the internal conflict trigger works is by leveraging the fact that people tend to act in a manner that is congruent to their beliefs and values. When we act in a way that is different than what our values and beliefs represent, we find ourselves in a state of discomfort. Acting in a way that is not consistent with your core beliefs and values can produce anxiety, negative emotions and all-around feelings of general discomfort. It creates an immense amount of tension within us, and an overall feeling of being off balanced. Human beings like balance and we will do just about anything to achieve it and relieve ourselves from internal discomfort or uneasiness that is caused when we act differently than what we believe is right. When we experience this internal conflict that I speak of, we don't like it and we will do whatever it takes to experience balance once again.
“The link that exists between others can be enough to create the emotional need to act”.
The next mental trigger that we’re going to talk about is the connection trigger. The link that exists between others can sometimes be enough to create the emotional need for someone to take action. Have you ever met someone for the first time and within mere moments you feel an instant connection to this person? It's almost as if you have known them your entire life. This connection to the other person makes their ability to persuade you stronger than someone that does not have that connection. Connection is an extremely powerful thing, and the reason for that is because connection is centered on emotion. And when the emotion is strong enough, it can propel a person to do just about anything.
“We believe that if it worked before, it will probably work again”.
Next we are going to talk about the proof trigger. While emotion is what will ultimately get someone to take action, it is perceived logic that will open up the possibility of them taking action in the first place. One of the biggest ways that we exercise logic- or at least what we believe to be logic - is by taking a look at what other people have done and the results they’ve experienced. This method of looking for proof does two things: First, it shows us that a certain method of doing things is effective and second, it makes us feel the method is widely accepted so it must be correct. Each and every one of us wants to fit in, wants to belong and wants to be part of a certain social group. It is human nature to feel this way and that’s why often times, we want to see what the majority of people have done in certain situations. In most cases, we will assume that if enough people did something, it must be the logical or correct way of doing things.
“The less available something becomes, the more people want it”.
Scarcity is the method used to create urgency so that someone will take action. Ultimately, we can make the greatest presentation in the world as to why someone should comply with our request and they can logically and emotionally agree with everything that we have presented. Still however, they need a reason to act now and the scarcity trigger is the most effective trigger that you can use to get someone to take action immediately. It is human nature to always find something more appealing and interesting when the odds of getting your hands on it are less likely. We see this in the dating world all the time. The challenge of courting someone who is not always available seems to be something that people find themselves to be obsessed with. In most cases when a person shows all of their cards and becomes readily available, the spell becomes broken and there is no longer an element of surprise. Whenever our choices become inhibited, limited or lessened we become more likely to desire those choices on a stronger level. Scarcity can make any product seem more valuable and interesting. It makes people take action immediately because they do not want to take a loss. Loss in general, is a feeling that most people try to avoid. From as far back as childhood, the minute we are told we cannot have something, we simply want it more. The reason for this is because the minute we feel there is a potential to lose something, we begin the thought process of how we can stop that from happening. This is called preventative action. And the key word is action. Whatever our reasons may be for doing it, we begin to take action and that is ultimately what you want the other party to do when trying to influence them.
“Sometimes it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it”.
Sometimes it is not what you're saying to someone, but the way that you're saying that will impact them and cause them to take action. Your message can be perceived in various ways depending on your verbiage.
“People generally act in way that other people expect them to”.
As individuals, we can sometimes make decisions and behave based upon how others expect us to. This is known as the impact of suggestion in general and it holds true for behaviors that are both positive and negative. We tend to fill the expectations that people have about us. We all want to be admired, liked and respected. And in our minds, if we can fulfill people's expectations, we believe they will like us more. This can work both positively and negatively. If you constantly expect a person to act in a bad way, chances are they will eventually take you up on your assumptions.
“People usually follow through on commitments, especially when they are public”.
I spoke about the power of commitments earlier but to piggy back on the concept of anchoring, they key is to always have people link positive feelings to you and always allow them to own the decision to commit. Regardless of how much positive emotion they have linked to you, the reality is people will regret their decision to commit if they feel that it wasn’t their decision. Realize that people are constantly moving back and forth between the conscious, logical mind and their emotions, which are causing them to experience a multitude of feelings as you present your offer. The only way to stabilize them is to gain their commitment immediately and ensure that they understand that their decision was smart and favorable to them. Commitment is extremely powerful. In most cultures, people who do not follow through on their commitments are frowned upon. And what's so great about this is that it is public knowledge, so no one ever wants to be placed in that category. In fact, when people even begin to think about not following through on their commitments, they begin to feel very uneasy inside. That is why it is essential to gain commitments from people as soon as possible, and the more public those commitments are, the more powerful they are. The first commitment or form of compliance is the most important but it is also the most difficult to obtain.
NLP: Quick Start Basics
Welcome to NLP Quick Start Steps. NLP is a powerful body of knowledge that can improve your life in many ways. I’m especially interested in showing you how you can use it to improve your communication skills.
By reading people, creating rapport and adjusting the way you (and others) see things the possibilities for positive influence are endless. Only Caveat: NLP can be overwhelming and difficult to grasp. My goal in everything I teach is to make it as “digestible” as possible for you.
That’s the purpose of this blog. It’s to give you some basic knowledge on NLP and how you can start using the techniques right away without getting lost in the jargon. That being said, should you decide that you want to take your knowledge to the mastery level, then you should check out my complete training - Paramount NLP.
What is NLP
An acronym for Neuro-Linguistic Programming, NLP is an approach in which one’s pattern of mental and emotional behavior is changed by self-awareness and effective communication. NLP was founded by Richard Bandler and John Grinder, who felt that it would be a useful technique in allowing people to have more fulfilled and better lives.
The name comes from the idea that both neurological processes, or “neuro” processes, and language, or “linguistic” and behavioral patterns that have been learned through experience (referred to as “programming”) could be organized to achieve specific goals. Originally, it was developed for therapeutic purposes, but now many people and businesses are using it to their advantage.
It’s not hard to understand why. If you can understand how a person uses their mind you can then leverage that knowledge to influence them. You can also use it to help improve their life as well as yours.
NLP is a now considered a complete science. It began as a study of the human mind. The main purpose was to help people to use their mind in a way that would serve them positively.
Let me explain the basis of how this works. There are some set experiences in people’s mind such as sounds and colors. Original research focused how changing one or all the components or experiences of people would impact their emotional mindset. So, they attempted to develop a strategy that would allow someone to get rid of intense emotional behavior which could have been caused by unpleasant experiences in life.
NLP is also helpful for increasing self-confidence, developing public speaking skills, improving communication skills and a wide array of other things.
The term ‘Neuro’ is associated with the individual neurological system that is filtering millions of bytes of data using the nervous system receptors, or the senses. These systems filter the data that we receive to form what we call internal representations. They include images, sounds, feelings, tastes and smells which all constitute our conscious experience of the world. In the filtering process, delations occur as these internal sensory representations form an internal sensory “map” of the world as it is perceived by that person, which differs from the world as it actually is. Beliefs and values act as further psychological filters of the internal representations to form a further perceptual map.
‘Linguistic’ refers to the process by which the filtered internal representations are re-represented and given conscious meaning through the use of language.
‘Programming’ describes the automatic patterns of personal behavior that are triggered by internal representations and language. NLP practitioners use the analogy of the brain as a computer that is programmed, and can be re-programmed, to run selected behavioral patterns.
Basic NLP concepts can be divided into:
• Rapport building
• NLP Submodalities
• Eye accessing cues
• Perceptual Positions
• Representational Systems
• Meta Model
Anchoring is one of NLP's central concepts. An anchor is the situation in which two separate events get tied together in a person's mind so that when one of the events occurs the second event is remembered or recalled automatically by their subconscious mind.
This happens all the time when we listen to music or eat certain foods. You hear a song or taste a food that instantly causes you remember a certain time in your past when you listened to the song or ate the food.
Have you ever been to a foreign country where everyone is speaking a different language and then you suddenly find someone speaking your native language?
Rapport building is and NLP technique that can make other people have the same feelings towards you much like the feelings you had towards that person you met abroad.
Establishing rapport is based on making the other person feel that there is something common between you and them. This causes that person to feel comfortable engaging with you.
Reframing is the process of changing the perception of a situation in such a way that you see it positively rather than seeing it negatively.
It’s called reframing because just as the frame of a picture helps you see the picture, the frame you put around a situation allows you to see the situation in a different way. The following are examples of reframing which will make the concept more clear.
If you asked a group of people to imagine a picture of a dog in their minds, what kind of image are they going to see? Will it be colored or black and white? Will the mental image be close or far? Will the dog be still or will it be moving? Will the dog be looking friendly or will it be wild?
If you did that you will find that no two people will give the same answer. Each one of us stores the attributes of an object differently depending on what the object represents for us. For example, if someone fears dogs then they will rarely imagine a calm sleeping dog but instead they might imagine a dog that is ready to attack.
Eye Accessing Cues
Have you ever noticed that people's eyes move in different directions when being asked a question? Research has shown that there is a connection between the thought process of a person and the direction of their eyes. The six possible directions that the eye can go to are upper right ,upper left, and middle right , middle left , lower right and lower left .
Each direction represents a different function that takes place inside the mind.
The following concepts can be very useful in knowing whether someone is telling the truth or whether they are lying to you. Asking someone about the color of their car should cause their eyes to move to the upper right (visual remembering ). If the eye went to the direction of visual construction instead then they may be constructing images instead of remembering them. the truth may be that they don’t even have a car.
CAUTION: Note that using this method for detecting whether someone is lying or not is very risky. There are some things you should be aware of before you use such a method for detecting deception. Below is a list of guidelines you should stick to if you are going to use this method for "liar detection" so that you don't find that everyone around you is a liar:
Since every person has their own perception of the same events sometimes it’s useful to take a look at those events from a perspective that is different than yours. NLP defines those perspectives as Perceptual Positions and divided them into the following three categories:
First Position: This is the normal perspective that you regularly use. It is seeing the situation from your own perspective .
Second Position: The second position is the perspective of the other person involved with you in the same situation. In order to get more insight about how they the situation you must step into their shoes and think as if you were them. Forget about all of your needs and think about their needs. Forget about yourself and think as if you were them
Third Position: The third position is the position of a third person who is not involved in the same situation. For example if you had a fight with someone else then the third person might be a bystander who was watching you.
Each one of us has our own internal representation system that we use when we think of something. Some of us use visual images while thinking. Others may use sounds while a third group may think based on their emotions.
In Neuro Linguistic Programming or NLP, there are three recognized representational systems which include visual auditory and kinesthetic.
Visual people relate to the world generally by the way they see things. When they speak, they will use terms like “I see, what you’re saying” or “I can see why you would think that way”. Visual people are also very concerned with their appearance, and they work better when following directions that are clearly written down. When trying to influence a visual thinker, your best bet is to provide them with written documentation in the form of directions, proof or a general explanation of what you’re speaking about.
Next on the list are auditory people. Auditory people assimilate information by tuning in or listening to clearly hear what it is that they are being told. They also enjoy talking with others and conversation is something that they find very interesting. For auditory people their world is represented by sound, therefore, to get their attention and engage them, you must say something that sounds very appealing to them
The third type of representational system is called kinesthetic. People who fall into this category relate to the world, make decisions and behave based upon the way something feels to them. You could call them touchy-feely people. They relate to both touch and motion. Kinesthetic people assimilate information through their sense of touch. And because of this, they are very skilled in certain areas. As an example, they are typically known to acquire a physical skill faster than the average person.
We all use metaphors while speaking either in the form of phrases that we say or in the form of a stories that we tell. When you use a metaphor you access certain values in your brain based on your background, culture and belief system. This information becomes loaded into your brain and so may impact the decisions or choices made at that time.
The same happens when you use a metaphor when talking to someone else. This person also accesses a certain part of their mind based on the metaphor you used. By selecting the metaphors you use you can let the person you are talking to load certain information into their mind and so essentially control their behavior and choices to a certain extent.
Inner conflict often occurs when a person has two similar yet contrasting “towards” values and “away from” values. For example, a person may be extremely fearful of being poor because he had been poor since he was young. He has a strong “away from poverty” value that he keeps at the very center of his mindset.
On the other hand, he also has a positive/affirmative “towards” value: “I want to be wealthy”. To many people, these two values are the same because the perceived end is also the same. But in reality, the subconscious mind is really getting a very conflicting message. Poverty is central to the person’s thinking and yet, he also wants wealth. This is a very problematic situation because the subconscious mind will transform the negative value into a positive one (“I want to be poor”) and it will attempt to pursue both values to the detriment of the person. It is obvious that in such cases, the “away from” value must be removed to improve the person’s chances of success.
The Meta Model
The Meta model is one of the very useful tools that can be used in communication because it counters the effect of Deletions, Distortions and Generalizations that people usually make while communicating. The Meta model is sometimes referred to as a Meta language because it involves changing the way you use the language in order to communicate more effectively.
The Meta model involves being more specific in order to prove to others that their filters have changed their real experiences. Let’s take the three examples mentioned above and see how can you can ask questions using the Meta model in order to deal with them:
One of the most incredible, most powerful abilities you can ever possess is the knowledge and skill of being able to influence and persuade a person through your words.
No, you’re not in a sci-fi movie. Hypnotic language has actually been tested and finetuned for years. You have been in different situations where you are in desperate need to persuade and convince a person and avoid resistance. That time you were asking for a raise. That moment when you were having relationship problems. That day you needed to close a deal with an elusive client.
Communicating alone is a difficult thing. Communicating effectively in a persuasive and convincing language is an entirely different story. Imagine having the ability to persuade and influence other people to do what you want them to do and agree with what you are saying without the slightest resistance on their part. This will open your life to new opportunities and possibilities. If you haven’t done so already I would suggest that you register for my Hypnotic Language Bootcamp.
This Masterclass was designed to take you from novice to expert in the realm of hypnotic language within just ten days.
Language is the core of hypnosis. It serves as the passageway to an individual’s unconscious mind because it is capable of transporting us through space and time. Also, language itself produces multiple meanings. If used accordingly, language can be powerfully influential, persuasive and convincing. This type of persuasive and influential language is being used in empowering and helping other people develop themselves. Hypnotic language is the science of using and combining words to influence or change the listener’s state of consciousness. When you are faced with someone who feels anxious, you assist him/her to feel calm through hypnotic language. Or when you want to motivate a person to shift into a healthier lifestyle.
This type of language creates the least resistance and triggers agreement when conversing with other people. Ultimately, hypnotic language encourages the listener to make a decision in favor of the speaker and agree with a solution.
Many business leaders make use of this type of language in conversing with their clients. Often, they are able to stir most conversations into a favorable one.
Conversational Hypnosis and NLP
Modern hypnosis was the brainchild of Dr. Milton H. Erickson, one of the world’s most acclaimed and influential hypnotherapists. This method is based on the idea that a person, with the right combination of words, can put a person into a state of trance, with the goal of achieving a certain level of confidence Upon reaching this stage in the relationship, the hypnotist can now motivate the receiver to do things he or she wants.
Milton believed that the unconscious mind is fundamentally receptive and open to anything. It is always listening, and that regardless of whether or not the action to be received is hypnosis, any suggestion could have a hypnotic influence for as long as it reaches the person’s unconscious level
Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP was later founded by Richard Bandler and John Grinder. This technique was modeled after Milton’s hypnotic language and has introduced a set of different hypnotic language patterns. It explains the fundamental relationship between the mind and language, and how the interaction between these factors affects our body and our actions. The most common characteristic of the Milton Model is the use of “artfully vague” language. This is meant to allow the receiver or listener to give their own meaning to the statement. The technique can be used to distract the person’s conscious mind and access the unconscious.
Benefits of effective use of hypnotic language
Not everyone is capable of using hypnotic language masterfully. But once you get to learn effective use of hypnotic language, you will have access to these benefits:
1. Develop rapport with individuals, key people/clients and groups
2. Reduce resistance
3. Instantly tune in to a person’s sensory systems
4. Achieve seamless communication with other people and guide them towards your preferred direction
Hypnotic Language Techniques
On the subject of language, Milton once wrote that words have the power to influence the psychological state of an individual. For this reason, speakers should always choose their words wisely and reflect on their meanings.
Conversational hypnosis can be achieved by altering the structure of our language and carrying it out effectively in even the most normal daily conversations. In doing so, you are capable of empowering yourself and other people to overcome roadblocks and unlock new resources.
Here are 10 of the most widely used and highly effective hypnotic language patterns based on the Milton Model.
1. Double Bind Pattern
In its simplest dictionary terms, bind means to enforce a certain kind of responsibility to someone. In linguistics, a bind is where a statement is made to trigger a corresponding action, a simple pattern of source-and-effect. The use of linguistic binds has been popularly used in the clinical and therapeutic context. Experts and researchers are finding ways to apply the effective use of binds in other subjects, particularly in business. Binds typically create an illusion of choice by the use of words that normally suggest an option or a choice, where either option a receiver chooses will still go along with what the speaker wants.
2.Single Bind Pattern
While the double bind pattern is applied to when you want to offer more than one choice to your receiver, the single bind pattern is when you don’t want to offer other options to your listener. In this type of language pattern, the speaker provides a suggestion and people just accept it without conditions. Ultimately, the single bind pattern connects a certain action to a corresponding feeling (Mind Control Language Patterns, Dantalion Jones). The simplest way to construct a single bind hypnotic technique is like this: “The more you X, the more you Y.” Here are some examples:
“The more you study, the smarter you become.”
“The more you think about the movie, the more interesting it becomes.”
“The more you read this book, the more you remember the facts.”
The founders of the Milton Model discovered that there are embedded commands in normal conversational speech that don’t reach a person’s consciousness but are recognized on the unconscious level.
In hypnotic language, these messages are called embedded commands. The technique behind embedded commands happens when you discreetly slip certain indirect commands into your sentences while conversing with the person you want to persuade.
In embedding commands, there are five things you need to take into consideration:
1. Commands should be well formed
2. Commands should be hidden in heaps of information to keep it away from the conscious mind
3. Observe proper timing
4. Have the right tonal structure of commands
5. Form an unconscious rapport
A listener’s consciousness focuses on the basic content of what the speaker is saying, while the unconscious mind stirs its focus on all the other aspects of a the speaker’s communication, such as the tone of voice, eyebrow movements, voice pace, gestures, and many others. In NLP, this can also be referred to as analog marking. By marking out some non-verbal portions of a communication, the unconscious mind picks up and understands this part differently. Take a look at these examples.
“You may talk to me when you are done.” – “Talk to me” can be marked with a slight hand gesture
“I feel excited about it. Don’t you agree?” – The “excited about it” phrase can be emphasized by speaking slightly louder and more energetically
Embedded commands have the ability to hide from the listener’s consciousness and reduce resistance. In cases where the command is spoken plainly without the proper markings, there’s a big chance it will encounter disagreement from the listener. If you plan to use an embedded command, you should be careful in forming your statement. Here are some ways you can make use of an embedded command.
According to Bandler, quotes are a good way to process an embedded command. When you use a quote someone, your listener has the tendency to view it as an entirely different story and begin to think of your statement as a command.
In theory, when a speaker negates something, the other person tends to resist your command less. When you tell someone “Don’t use this technique too much,” you have managed to tell him to use this technique and make a presupposition that the person will still do the action even if you’ve told the person not to do it.
What happens/what if
Take this sentence for instance: “What happens/ what if you begin to imagine the advantages this product will give you?” It is supposed to be a simple question, but to provide an answer to your query, your listener has to actually imagine and think about the advantages of your product.
Presuppositions are an extremely powerful hypnotic language tool. A presupposition is where an assumption is made within the statement of the speaker, which will be accepted as to be true and acted upon by the listener without question.
Presuppositions are usually applied in grouped statements as they are more considerably more effective when combined. This makes it harder for the listener to untangle and decode your message.
Here are the different kinds of presuppositions you can use.
You can use presuppositions to suggest a time or sequence of events. Ordinate sequences can help you direct your listener’s attention to the points you will identify. By emphasizing a certain order in your words, your listener will anticipate the succeeding events.
“The first thing that I’m going to discuss with you is how you can benefit from this program.” “You can begin to take notice of the actions around you.”
When you imply to a person that you are aware of something, you are already directing his/her attention to that awareness. Using words such as aware, know, realize and notice, you are making assumptions about the truth.
“I know that you are thinking about the same thing.”
“Did you realize that the cost of the materials are increasing?”
“You are aware of what the stakeholders want.”
Adverbs and Adjectives
Adverbs and adjectives can also be used as presuppositions. By using words such as deeply, fortunately, easily, particularly, greatly, etc., you are directing the focus on the quality of action rather than the action itself.
“I wonder how quickly you can change your mind about this.”
“Fortunately, I already know about the progress you are making.” “You may be deeply concerned about your manager’s actions.”
The Milton Model uses words that make generalizations about a particular statement. Typically, universal quantifiers often use an element of exaggeration, such as all, everybody, always, never, every, as a whole, etc. These words also have a specific person or thing they make reference to.
This pattern is used frequently in everyday language, though we haven’t yet fully realized its ability to influence a listener. Here are some examples:
“There is always more to learn in life.”
“No one can fail once he decides to put his mind into it.”
“Everything you have learned today will come in handy someday.”
“All learning and change takes place in the unconscious mind.”
This hypnosis pattern has different variations, which include linkages, complex equivalents, mind reading and lost performative. In using this language pattern, the basis for the statement is usually not defined, which means the listener will have to assume your basis for the statement.
Linkages are usually employed to suggest a cause and effect relationship between two elements, usually between one that is true and one that the speaker wants to be true.
Conjunctions – joining two statements together using conjunctions
“You are about to start a new stage in your business and it is all very exciting.”
“You are learning the benefits of my training and you are starting to improve your programs.”
Time – a stated cause and effect using the element of time
“As you consider the options I presented to you, your future will become clearer.”
“Taking my advice, you are choosing a different life.”
Cause Effect – a stated cause and effect without substantiating any reason whatsoever. Trigger words are makes, forces, brings about, increases, etc.
“Buying now will make you save money in the long run.”
“Reading this book will increase your chances of getting hired.”
This is where a speaker suggests that subject A is the same as or equivalent to subject B. In this pattern, one thing does not cause the other, rather the implication that because one thing is true, the other thing is definitely true. Here are some examples:
“Seeing yourself on top of the mountain means you have made a decision already.”
“Following my advice demonstrates that you want your project to be a success.”
A tag question is a pattern that often convinces the listener to confirm the truth of your statement. The question is usually added at the end of the statement, with the goal of reducing resistance and affirming that the listener will really need to do the action. In using tag questions, keep in mind that you want to put your listener in a positive frame of mind. Deliver your tag question with a descending tone of voice to reinforce your statement and to avoid resistance on the part of the listener. Here are some examples:
“Some people really enjoy relaxing, don’t you?”
“Your views about success are changing, aren’t they?”
“Learning to communicate well is definitely rewarding, isn’t it?”
Using metaphorical language is a powerful way of influencing your listener with your message and reducing resistance, not just in hypnosis but also in everyday communication. In business communications, metaphors are used effectively to explain complex ideas.
Metaphorical communication causes the listeners to relate to the subject of the metaphor and attribute the situation to themselves in order to understand the statement. There are different ways of incorporating metaphors in your conversation.
A nominalization is a verb or adjective changed into noun form. The speaker uses these words so the listener will interpret the statement in the exact manner the speaker intends to without the speaker knowing which specific details they are dealing with. Nominalizations are usually abstract concepts and therefore cannot denote something physical.
Here are some examples:
“Have you thought which part of your achievement you will enjoy the most?”
“I know you are having difficulties in your situation.”
“To reach the solution you want, you need to be aware of the learnings you need to achieve.”
Based on the Milton Model, ambiguities are words or sentences that have multiple meanings. When a person is faced with double meanings, his/her conscious mind tries to decide which meaning is appropriate in the situation.
The speaker makes use of a pair of words that sound alike but have different meanings
Here and hear
Site and sight
Flew and flu
This happens when the syntax of the sentence have varied meanings
“Man eating fish” – Is the man eating the fish or is it a fish that eats man?
This is when a sentence is prolonged without any punctuation.
“Do you think they can you please pass me the salt?”
“I just got this new watch what I’m about to do.”
Language is one of the most powerful lenses through which individuals perceive the world. Words are our primary communicators; words, whether spoken by a person or developed inside your head, communicate various levels of thought.
Whatever we say will affect the people around us, so we need to make use of language in such a way that promotes effective—not destructive—conversations.
As you begin to acquire knowledge on how these hypnotic patterns work, now may be the right time for you to practice by writing down your own examples for each given language pattern. This activity will help you unlock a new skill that will make great changes in the way you communicate with people. Congratulations you now know ten basic patterns for reducing resistance. Now I would suggest that you register for my Hypnotic Language Bootcamp.
“Until you can sell it nothing else matters”. -
What does the above statement mean exactly?
Well in a nutshell it means that you can have the greatest product, service, idea or life changing information but if you cannot sell it, it will not serve you well. In life - and specifically in business - your ability to sell will be the greatest attribute that you have. But you know this already.
(You do know this already right?)
This is known as an objection. The English dictionary defines an objection as “a reason or argument offered in disagreement, opposition, refusal, or disapproval”.
“I need to think about it.”
“I'm not sure.”
“I need to talk to my wife.”
If you’ve been in sales for any length of time, you’ve heard an objection. It’s part of the process. But one of the things that separates great salespeople from mediocre ones is the ability to overcome objections.
Now let me be clear. This is isn’t a blog post filled with scripts that you can use to diplomatically debate with your prospect or customer. Those are a dime a dozen. You can find that stuff just about anywhere on the Internet. This is different. What ’m going to share with you here are ten unconventional objection killers that are designed to subconsciously help overcome the hurdles that stand in your way from gaining compliance.
There are actually ten more which I reveal in my program Universal Influence: 101 Ways To Influence Anyone.
Killer #1 - Belief Affirmation
Dealing with objections is very common in the world of influence. Objection is the twin brother of agreement – there really is no way to have one without the other. This doesn’t mean you should resign yourself to losses and defeats; you just have to know how to entice agreement (instead of objection). The easiest way to handle objections is by avoiding them in the first place. You see, people hold their core beliefs and principles sacred. They have to protect these beliefs because these ideas represent stability in a person’s life. Attempting to change them on the spot will cause the other person to become overly defensive. To avoid the situation where you have to engage in verbal fencing with a defensive influencee, I suggest that you find as many values and beliefs to reaffirm before making your offer. Because as you agree with another person’s beliefs, his defenses go down until he no longer feels threatened by your presence or your ideas. A person would slam the door on a stranger who’s offering the fountain of youth – but a person would never say no to a best friend who has cooked up a crazy idea. I want you to strive to become your subject’s ‘best friend’ during the conversation. I want you to make the subject as comfortable and trusting as possible so you can avoid objections. Of course, there would still be objections but as a person becomes more and more trusting, he would find fewer and fewer reasons to object to what is being laid out on the table. Avoid debates that directly counter the subject’s longstanding beliefs – even if you win, your subject will never forgive you for debunking his belief. It’s better to harmonize with subject as much as possible – arguments only create friction and distance between you and the subject.
Killer #2 - Outcome Focusing
When a master influencer comes across a truly reluctant subject, he must not feel even an iota of despair because even the most reticent subject can be gradually drawn out from their defensive stance and fully influenced. If your influence groundwork is falling apart, you need a more robust system of persuasion. In this section I’m going to share with eight simple steps that will counter most objections by focusing on the outcome of the transaction between you and the other party.
1. Identify the problem that your offer can solve. You have to be very specific here because wary subjects tend to ignore generalizations even more. Be specific about the issue or problem that you can help solve.
2. After identifying the problem I want you to show the subject what would happen if this problem continues and he does not do anything to resolve it. Showcase the negative outcomes (i.e. extra costs over time) that will result from inaction.
3. Ask the subject what type of resolution or outcome he wants to see after being confronted with the issue or problem.
4. Ask the subject what would happen if he chooses to solve the problem.
5. Ask the subject again if this new route (the resolution) is really what he wants at the moment. 6. Think of the long-term effects of the solution that you are offering the subject. Will it really help the other person or will it benefit only you in the end?
6. Reevaluate. If you think your solution won’t help in the long-term you have to make this clear to the other subject so he won’t have any undue expectations.
7. If the subject gives an answer that doesn’t completely align with what you want to hear, don’t be too quick to judge. Hear him out and try convincing him again.
8. Never insinuate or state that the other person’s beliefs are wrong. You will only open a can of worms each time that you do that. Harmonize instead of creating more friction.
Killer #3 - Peak Experience
Humans have a funny way of processing and remembering events. If a person enjoyed something, even if it were just ten minutes of relaxation, he would remember that for as long as he lived. But if he were enjoying something and that enjoyment was interrupted for even a short period of time, he would remember the end-experience (which is negative) and forget all about the previous pleasure or enjoyment that he had experienced prior to the negative end-experience. This is by no means an obstacle to influence but rather, it is a window of opportunity. If someone says no to your offer, backtrack just a little bit so you can ask questions that would later erode the resistance of the subject. If your offer was rejected at first, I want you to ask the subject about his last experience with your competitor. A competitor is any person (or business, if you are a business person) that was previously associated with the subject. Slowly draw out their negative experience and what happened after they had that negative experience. At this point in time, your subject will slowly remember the negatives more than the positives because that is simply how the human mind operates. After drawing out the negative experiences from your competitor, slowly lead the subject to what you have to offer and what you can do so that he will never have such negative experiences every again (if he chooses to stick with your offer). Just make sure that you can back up your claims with action; otherwise, the subject will most likely leave you again after having a bad experience. You can use this tactic to transform a “no” mindset into a “yes” mindset. It might take some time to take effect, but it will eventually work. And it can be used in any situation, too!
Killer #4 - Harmonize
When an influencer is operating on full power, he usually views the subject as a direct target. The influencer will do everything in his power to disprove the other person’s beliefs about what is being offered at the moment. The result of such all-out attacks is usually utter failure. Because no matter how hard you insinuate that a person is wrong for holding certain beliefs, that person will simply ignore you – or worse, fight you until the very end. And we know what that means for influencers. Influencers are at a disadvantage because if the subject walks away, the influencer walks away with nothing but tension and disappointment. So here’s my advice to you when you are faced with the task of persuading someone who is unmoving in his beliefs. Don’t tell the other person that he’s wrong. Don’t tell him that he has been holding ineffective or false beliefs all his life. Don’t say that you are in the right and he’s utterly wrong. Instead, harmonize with the other person and ask him to imagine himself performing something for you by accepting another belief. The subject must realize himself what he can gain by accepting your offer. And if his beliefs are getting in the way, you must loosen those deeply embedded beliefs by providing beliefs of your own. Beliefs eventually lead to target behavior. Your goal is to change someone’s belief so that his behavior will also change. You can’t change a person’s behavior for the long term if his beliefs remain the same. Your subject must experience for himself what would happen if he changed his beliefs. You become more than an influencer – you will actually be instructing and guiding the person as he transforms his deeply rooted beliefs. That is completely different from just saying that the other person is wrong. Doing that will clearly get you nowhere – fast.
Killer #5 - Avoid Option Attachment
There are three things that you would always want to avoid when you are pitching an idea, product or service: buyer remorse, anticipated regret and the worst of the three, option attachment. Buyer remorse takes place when the person regrets having purchased something from you. Anticipated regret is the decision to not buy anything because the buyer feels that he will only regret it later on. Option attachment is the deadliest of the three because it can leave a potential buyer paralyzed with indecision for a very long time.
What is option attachment anyway? Option attachment happens when a person is faced with two options that he finds very attractive. To the decision-maker, choosing one would mean losing the other good option and so choosing would actually equate with instant loss. The option-attached individual would also feel that if he chooses one, the other option would probably look tantalizingly attractive a few days later. Faced with this loopy conundrum, the option-attached subject will think about the two options to no end – but he will not make a decision anytime soon. To the influencer, option-attached individuals represent uncertainty and a potential dead end. You can remedy this problem in two steps. First, you have to make sure that during the dialog, the subject will not grow fond or attached to any other option that you present (in the effort to explore both sides of the coin). To be safe, showcase an inferior option so that it would not be logical to be found of such an option at all. The decision-making stage should also be as quick as possible. Lead the subject to say yes; don’t wait for him to say yes because if you allow him to do that he might grow even more attached to options that you presented him. The second step has something to do with the options involved in your discussion. Don’t start with the better option (which is your offer). Start with the poorer option and then transition as fast as you can to the better option. Don’t let the subject develop a connection with the option that will ultimately be discarded.
Killer #6 – Behavioral Scripts
Behavioral Scripts Objections arise because the subject is unsure where to go – the ‘default’ response to uncertainty is disagreement. Disagreement is equated with stability and avoidance of change. Change can either be good or bad – but humans instinctually associate change with negative consequences so that’s another obstacle that you should prepare for. If you do encounter a staunch objection, you can try behavioral scripts to modify the cause of the negative behavior, which is just the belief of the person regarding a particular issue or object. Here’s an example of a behavioral script: “You open your email in the morning to find that you have made three hundred sales in just one day. You also receive a report that your store has been restocked and your website is in fine working condition. You don’t have to worry about a thing anymore as you prepare for a fine day with the family. We take care of everything, night and day for you.”
When you give a person a script to work with, you are actually giving the other person instructions as to how he can modify his own behavior. He might not understand the nature of the script, but that’s how it works. The best thing about behavior scripts is that people tend to repeat the script even after the meeting. This is influence in action. Your words and your intentions stay with the subject even if you are not there with them anymore. However, in order for a behavioral script to be truly effective you must instruct the subject to imagine himself in the ideal situation. It won’t work if he imagines some John Doe getting all the benefits of your offer. He must experience the benefits in his own imagination so that the effect and impact of the script will linger for days. In your next meeting, try asking for compliance again – you might be surprised with the subject’s answer then.