Influence

Ten Quick Facts On Decisions

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1.)    People make impulsive decisions and then stand behind that impulse as if the decision was made logically with a lot of thought behind it.

2.)    When a person’s decision turns out to have good results, they are quick to take the credit. When the results are unfavorable, they tend to blame external sources like timing and luck.

3.)    People make decisions based on emotion and then use logic to justify those decisions.

4.)    People are unaware of the fact that the manner in which a question is framed plays a bigger role in how people respond to it than the content of the question itself.

5.)    When making decisions, people overemphasize the role of consequence or pain nearly 3 times as much what’s really at stake.

6.)    People tend to avoid perceived risk.

7.)    Most people are not equipped to really calculate the chances that an event will or will not take place.

8.)    People tend to make decisions independently rather than seeking the advice of someone else who can provide a different perspective.

9.)    Most people will take a sure thing (even when it doesn’t make sense) as opposed to taking the risk of gaining something with 50/50 odds.

10.) People are unaware of how they can become influenced by specific questions which unconsciously change their minds.

Keys To A Good First Impression

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“You can’t judge a book by its cover”. “Don’t make assumptions about people”. Do these statements sound familiar to you?

I know they certainly do to me. I’ve heard these and countless other similar sayings about how we shouldn’t judge people until we get to know them throughout my whole life.

Here’s the reality; you, I and every other human being under the sun make all sorts of judgments about people within the first 5 seconds of laying eyes on them.

And here’s what’s even more interesting; we couldn’t stop even if we consciously tried. Wanna know why? Because we’re not doing it consciously. We’re doing it subconsciously.

You see, when you meet someone for the first time, millions of neurons in your brain begin firing and your brain begins the process of categorizing this person. It typically does it by cross-referencing this person with everyone else that you’ve met in the past. And it all happens on a subconscious level.

Once the initial comparison has been made, the brain moves to the category of status placement where it determines if this person has a high or low status in society. This is an important point to remember because both humans and animals seek and are attracted to those that are considered to have higher status and power.

Another category that the brain begins placing people into is based on their physical attractiveness and whether or not they pay attention to their physical appearance.

Ultimately, the brain wants to place the person into a “yes” or “no” category. But sometimes the brain gets mixed signals and experiences conflict when trying to categorize. For example, let’s say you meet someone who dresses really nicely but they have a tattoo on their face or perhaps they are very attractive but their clothes are dirty. This poses a challenge for the brain in terms of categorizing and ultimately leaves you thinking things like “there’s something about this person that I just can’t put my finger on”.

Men and women also decipher first impressions differently.

Men see the body of a woman first and then her face whereas women do the complete opposite.

Truth be told, it takes a huge amount of work to overcome these instant impressions that are formulated in the minds of others. And I know it may seem weird, unfair or politically incorrect that someone would pass judgment on you like that in virtually any situation including a date, job interview or friendship introduction. But the bottom line is that it is in fact happening so the best thing you can do as an effective influencer is prepare for it.

First is your physical appearance. Like it or not, your perceived physical attractiveness will play a crucial role in various aspects of your life so your best bet is to invest in it as it will change the thoughts and desires of everyone you come into contact with.

One of the best ways you can invest in your physical appearance is by keeping your weight down. One of the biggest evaluation factors for people is a small waist on another person. Obesity is very unhealthy and most people are aware of it’s risks like heart disease and cancer.

Since we have been wired to want to build relationships with health people (especially on intimate levels) you can imagine the types of subconscious thoughts that run through someone’s mind when they seem someone who is perceived as unhealthy.

Most researchers agree that body language and physical appearance make up anywhere from 50 – 80 percent communication between 2 people.

Your clothing, glasses, hairstyle, jewelry, coat, shoes and just about everything else about you can dictate the direction of a relationship between you and someone else before you utter one single word.

Here are 3 simple rules to follow to make sure that direction is favorable for you:

1.)    Make sure you are absolutely immaculate when meeting your target for the first time. Get a haircut, dry clean or press your clothes, have facial hair trimmed and smell clean.

2.)    Ask your target how he or she knows when their expectations for value have been met. When they tell you, ask them how they determine the value on that item.

3.)    Pay close attention to your target’s pace of speaking and listening. In most cases, they are identical. Once you’ve indentified both, match them as closely as you can.

The Role Of Time In Persuasion

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The only thing that truly levels the playing field for EVERYONE is time.

Regardless of how rich, poor, educated, gifted, cursed or talented each of us may be, the amount of time in each day remains the same for all of us. It is the only true commodity.

You influence people to make different decisions by changing the perspective of time. Changing one’s perspective of time has an impact on the way they feel and make decisions about things.

Every time you meet someone for the first time they subconsciously cross-reference you with every other person that they have previously met in life.

And the truth of the matter is that they’ve probably had more negative experiences with people than positive ones. Therefore, when you meet someone for the first time, it’s important that you: a.) differentiate yourself from everyone else in their past and b.) move their filter of time to the past, present or future.

People respond emotionally to people, places or things that stimulate them; this includes you. Whether your audience realizes it or not, both positive and negative experiences are being triggered when they meet someone like you for the first time. The ironic thing is that the response that you evoke in your audience doesn’t necessarily have to be directly linked to you. It’s linked to their past experience of someone that reminds them of you.

So before you’ve even uttered one single word to your target, they’ve already formulated a subconscious opinion of you.

Here’s what’s really interesting.

 Even if you completely change the way your target thinks about you because of your powerful influential tactics, they will eventually return to their original opinion of you. This happens for a number of reasons with the first 2 being that they will come across other people who fall into the same category as you who (in their mind) solidify their assumptions as being correct and secondly, opinions don’t just diminish that quickly.

For these reasons, it’s extremely important that you become an expert in altering time in their mind. When you can effectively transition your target mentally from one time frame to another, their past thoughts, emotions or opinions won’t have the same effect on them.

People experience time in 3 ways: past, present and future. Let’s take a closer look at each.

Past: Some people use past experiences as their sole frame of reference when making decisions about the present or the future. They are very skeptical and guarded but they also make fewer mistakes because they think this way. They also sometimes miss out on some of the great things that life has to offer because they rarely take chances. This is an important point to remember.

Present: People who live in the present moment give little though to the past or future and as a result don’t worry or get stressed out much. The downside to their method of making decisions is that they rarely think of consequences and instead seek immediate gratification.

Future: People who live in the future will sacrifice instant gratification for a better result down the road. They are usually detailed planners who love to organize and think things through. To them, the past (whether good or bad) has little relevance; if any at all.

Once you understand how people relate to time, you can equip yourself to influence them adapting to how they see things – or if they are not seeing things your way – you can change their perspective by taking them to another time frame.

For example, if they are hung up on a past failure, show them why the future is different. If they are hesitant about how the decision will affect their future, show them how other people who made similar decisions benefited in the past.

Words Without Speaking

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Do you ever wonder how some people just always seem to get what they want no matter what the circumstances? 

Or how some people can just walk into a room and “own” it? 

Or how certain people seem to lays have some person they can go to for a favor or to get something done? 

I’m sure you’ve either seen or perhaps even personally know someone who exhibits these characteristics. 

And in most cases, they’re usually very successful in other aspects of their life including their relationships, finances and even discovering ad living their life purpose. 

That’s a pretty powerful position be in if you ask me. 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, nothing in life will ever be more valuable to you in your quest to achieve success than your ability to influence other people. 

Nothing on earth including education, passion, experience or drive can supersede the ability to persuade because in order to fully leverage any one of those things, you will probably need the help of someone else at some point. 

And if you can’t get the compliance that you need, chances are that those other things won’t mean anything. 

The reality is that you could graduate from Harvard Law School with honors and know everything there is to know about law but if you can’t convince a jury, a judge or a decision making third party to see things your way, the outcome will go in favor of the person who has the higher level of persuasiveness. 

You could know everything there is to know about investing in real estate but if you can’t convince the person with the money to give it to you, you won’t be able to get started. 

Or perhaps you don’t need any money from someone else but you will need to get properties for the lowest price possible and that’s going to take the ability to be influential. 

Let’s put it this way, think of whatever it is that you want out of life and then every step that you will have to take to get what you want. 

If you look closely enough, you will see that at some point, you will need the help of someone else and to get that help, you’re going to have to equip yourself with certain capabilities. 

I’ve used the power of influence in many different ways to get exactly what I want from other people without manipulating them in any way. 

In fact, in most cases, they were happy to help. 

When it comes to influence however, many people associate it directly with being persuasive. And many people associate persuasiveness with the ability to talk someone into doing what you want them to do. 

And while that’s certainly part of the process, it’s only one aspect. 

You see, there are many different ways to effectively influence another person and one of the most important one of them is body language. 

As a matter of fact, in some cases, the body does more influencing than anything else . 

Think about how you would feel if someone was trying to persuade you to do something and you were having a conversation with them but every time you began to speak, they looked away. 

Wouldn’t that give you the impression that they are not interested in what you have to say? 

That in turn, would make you feel as though perhaps they are not valuing your opinion and would make you less compliant to them. 

And this example is just one of many that is clearly visible. 

There are countless other bodily movements that send messages to the subconscious minds of others that will either support or counteract what your are trying to achieve in your tactics of influence. 

For example, when a person sits with their arms crossed, it sends a message to subconscious mind of the person they are speaking to which indicates that they are defensive. 

Knowing this, you can prepare yourself to not cross your arms when speaking to someone that you are trying to influence but more importantly, you’ll notice when the other person does it so you’ll know they are guarding them self. 

With that knowledge, you can then proceed in a way that will help reduce the defensiveness and ultimately get what you want. 

These are just 2 examples of countless ways in which people communicate using body language. The key is to master the mechanisms by which they all work so you can capitalize off of them by knowing something that the other party does not.

What Commitments Can Do For You

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Today I want to talk about something that is essential to achievement, improving the quality of your life and empowering you as an influencer.

It’s something that sets the precedent for every decision and result that you achieve.

And it’s something that may sound so ridiculously obvious and unnecessary to even mention but the truth is, many people are either unaware of it or have a misconception of what it is.

This special something is called commitment.

Our destiny is shaped by our decisions. Our decisions are guided by our beliefs.

We formulate a belief about something which will then prompt us to make certain decisions based on that belief.

For example, let’s assume that you believe that you are over weight. That belief brings you to a decision that you have to lose weight by doing what most people do to lose weight which is to change your eating habits and exercise.

And so you do that for a few weeks and you may even see some results but for some reason you slow down and eventually stop.

The result is that you wind up in the same state that you began in, if not worse.

Keep in mind, this is just one example. Some people actually exercise and eat well for years only to go back to their old habits and gain all the weight back. In other words, it happens to people regardless of how long they form the habit.

So the question that I ask myself is “Why?” Why do people change their decisions from something that can benefit their lives such as exercising or eating better or stopping smoking or drinking alcohol only to go back and do it again?

The answer is simple. It’s their belief system.

You see, it’s our beliefs that prompt us to make a decision. It doesn’t matter whether that decision is positive or negative.

The only difference is the belief. So my theory is, the reason why people seem to fall back into bad habits even after they’ve formed positive one’s is because their beliefs changed somewhere along the way.

Take a person who decides to quit smoking.

Maybe at some point they formed the belief that smoking is bad for them. And that if they kept it up, they would eventually have huge consequences to pay and so they stop.

 At some point in their life however, they start smoking again. The reason this happens is because the belief changes.

 That belief could change into millions different things depending on what the original belief was. If the original belief as that there are huge consequences to pay for smoking, maybe the new belief is that those consequences only happen to certain people.

Or maybe it’s that those consequences can be fixed with the help of doctors or medications or that those consequences take time to develop and by the time things get bad, they’ll have already quit.

Or maybe even it’s that while those consequences are serious, the reward or temporary enjoyment that they get from smoking out weighs those consequences.

Again, there are million different ways this could go. The point is, beliefs change, and then decisions change which ultimately causes the results to change.

So now the question becomes how do we keep the beliefs from changing? Can we even prevent beliefs from changing? 

I guess it really all depends on the individual. Moreover, there are many different answers to questions and with each answer comes a new way of doing things.

One surefire way that I can I think of to stay true to a positive decision whether your belief changes or not is through making a commitment.

You see, a true commitment is different than a decision. A decision can be changed but a true commitment cannot. Otherwise, it’s not a commitment.

I think many people have a problem with this.

They “think” they’re making commitments but in reality they’re just making decisions.

Making a commitment to stop smoking means you can never smoke again and are committed to everything that comes with it. Deciding to stop smoking means you can decide to go right back.

The point is, commitments are final and should not be changed; unless of course they are negative.

Think about the impact that making decisions rather than commitments can have on your relationships with others. Theoretically, you could decide to change the rules at any point and perhaps lose a great friend, spouse, lover, life partner, etc.

Here’s a quick and simple way to set your commitments:

First, write them down. Until it’s written down, it’s not real. It’s merely a thought that is circulating in your mind from time to time. Once written down however, it becomes to materialize into something of substance and only then can it stand a chance of being followed through on.

Second, pick 3 goals that if achieved would ensure that this commitment is being followed through on. Again, you must write them down for the same reasons listed above motioned above. These goals must be S.M.A.R.T. which means specific, measureable, attainable, realistic and timed. This will further ensure that these goals are achieved.

Lastly, you must form the habits needed to support the attainment of these goals.

We all have habits. The key is to form habits that will impact your life positively rather than negatively.

 If you can make commitments that are broken down into goals which are driven by habits, you will keep those commitments alive and well. And there is no greater feeling than making a commitment and sticking to it.

In terms of how this will impact your results as an influencer, one key element in your ability to influence others will be the amount of respect they have for you. Simply put, it’s very hard to influence someone if they don’t respect you.

One proven way to gain respect on some level is to show people that you stick to your commitments. When you’re able to do that, you are automatically perceived as someone who has strength, focus, discipline and credibility; all of which are prerequisites for respect.

Ten Steps To Master A Job Interview

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Now listen, before you read this it’s important to understand that I personally am not a fan of having a job or being an employee….never have been.

At nearly every job I’ve ever had, I spent most of my time and energy figuring out how I could get more of what was important to me done rather than what I should have been doing as part of my daily duties.

When I was really young, that was sleep. I was always out late partying so I would devise a plan to get at least an hour or maybe even two of nap time in at work.

As I got older and began leveraging the only 2 talents I ever had (selling and writing) the days that were supposed to spent getting projects done were spent writing sales copy for Internet marketers until of course I got to the point where I didn’t need a job anymore.

My point is this. I’ve never liked working for someone else. But that’s just me and it’s really a whole other topic which I’ll write about at some other time. The reason why I decided to publish this is because I realize that for many people, jobs are very important and valuable. Now even though I was always a lousy employee, I did manage to land a job almost every single time I went on an interview.

So I figured I’d share the things that I did that I know for a fact will dramatically increase your odds of getting a job; so here we go.

1.)    Search online using a trusted site like Monster or Career Builder but NEVER apply through them. Instead, search for a contact e-mail address and send a personal e-mail. If that’s not an option, pick up the phone and ask to speak to the head of HR. Applying through these websites consists of filling out a form that will be sent to the same contact person only it will be sent with everyone else who applied; meaning you’re just another number.  Part of getting what you want is beating the odds and separating yourself from the rest.

2.)    Don’t let the application scare you. If you come across an application which states that the job has requirements (availability times, work experience, etc.) that you don’t think you can fill, apply and go on the interview anyway. Everything is negotiable and subject to change….or at least there’s a chance that it is. I can’t tell you how many times I saw a requirement on an application that I knew I couldn’t pull off but I either charmed the pants of the person interviewing me, made them bend or I figured it out once I got the job.

3.)    Google the company and find out as much info as humanly possible before the interview. Check out the link that says corporate structure or investor relations if they have one and find out the names of the officers in the company. If they are a public company, read the statements of the COO, CEO, President or Chairman when they reported their last quarter earnings. You can also check out their mission statement but hearing what an officer in the company has to say will give you a better indication of what direction they plan moving in the near future.  Be sure to make it clear that you are onboard and in alignment with the company’s vision and objectives.

4.)    Google the name of the person that is interviewing you. Check out their company profile or Facebook page (if applicable) and find out exactly who you’re going to be dealing with. See what their interests are, how long they’ve been with the company, if they have children, where they live, what sports teams they like, etc. These are all things you can use to create rapport with them during the interview.

5.)    This one is just for guys. Since I’m not a woman, I can’t really make any suggestions on this topic without sounding sexist. Buy a new suit or borrow one if you don’t have one. It makes all the difference. Navy blue is your best bet because it’s pretty versatile. You can wear it on an interview, to a meeting, a wedding and even funeral (if you really had to). Wear a white shirt and shoot for a tie that has a little bit of red in it somewhere. Statistics show that this color combination makes people appear more credible in the eyes of others than any other. Make sure your shirt fits you and that the collar is not too lose or the sleeves are too long. Little inconsistencies like this make you appear as though you don’t pay attention to detail. Always wear a pair of shoes that are in good condition (even if they are cheap).

6.)    Give yourself enough time to get there plus an hour. Invest the few minutes you have (because you arrived early) in getting to know the receptionist and/or anyone else that may be at the front desk. If you’re able to connect with them on some level, they’ll tell the person that you’re interviewing that they like you when that person shows you to the door. Social validation is always great. If you wind up getting there too, too early, go get a cup of coffee or feed the pigeons. NEVER under any circumstances, take the slightest risk of being late. Things happen… …trains get stuck, buses stall, traffic jams up....at the end of the day no one cares. You’ll always be remembered as the person who showed up late for an interview.

7.)    Give a firm handshake and do not sit until the other person does. Once the process begins, always look in their eyes and never shy away. This sends a message that you are both confident and truthful.

8.)    Make sure you know your resume inside out and be prepared to answer questions about it like why your average time length at each job was less than 2 years for example. Be prepared also  to present your case in 5 different ways. Chances are the person interviewing you falls into one of five categories when it comes to the way they make decisions. They are either a Thinker, Skeptic, Action Taker, Follower or a Leader.

9.)    Ask them how they got to be where they are in the company. People love to hear themselves talk. The more they share with you, the greater your odds of being liked. Every time someone shares something about themselves with you, they subconsciously become vested in thinking you are trustworthy, genuine and someone they would like to have more dialogue with.

10.) Send an e-mail within 2 hours after the interview has finished thanking the person for their time and stating that you look forward to coming onboard.  Waiting any longer gets risky because that one e-mail could strike the final cord needed for you to get  the job but if someone else - who interviews better – gets there before you send your e-mail, you could be in trouble. 

This list is by no means the end to all when it comes to getting a job and I left out most of the stuff that in my opinion is just common sense like having references available or being able to articulate how you perform certain job related tasks. This was more or less stuff that you may not have necessarily given a second thought to.

Why Your Ability To Influence Others Supersedes Everything Else

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Ever since I was a little kid, I wondered how people could work for the same amount of money every week. I also couldn’t figure out why some people are paid the same as others simply because their titles are the same; even when some people work much harder than others.

I guess you could say I was born to be a sales person. And the truth is, I was. Not because I was born with a unique talent to persuade or the gift of gab but because I love the fact that I could always control my paycheck. 

Throughout my life, I have met a ton of people (many whom are very close to me) who strongly disagree with how I see things. 

Growing up, even my own mom would say “You need a stable job with a steady paycheck”. Most of my close friends thought I was a big risk taker living on the wild side by working in commission based environments for most of my adulthood. 

Their theory is that working in a setting where your next check isn’t guaranteed is very risky and dangerous. My theory is a little different. I see it as risky but rewarding. 

And trust me when I say, I’m not a gambler. In fact, the last time I went to a casino, I decided to live a little dangerously and put 20 dollars in a slot machine. I lost it in about 2 minutes flat and did not give the casino one more red cent. That was the extent of my risk taking. 

Working in a sales environment is completely different. Here’s why. 

People will always need products and services. And people will always have to sell them and in some cases, be paid very handsomely to do so. So why not be one of those people? 

“Because selling is just not for me; I’m not interested in haggling with people for a living.” 

These are the responses that I usually get when I ask that question. Once I would show them my paycheck however, they would begin to ask things like “Well what exactly is involved in what you sell Paul?” 

In other words, their curiosity gets sparked and they begin to wonder what life would be like if they could write their own paychecks. Well the good news is, sales people are made not born. And the steps involved in becoming a master of influence are easy to learn; providing you have a good teacher with a sound system. 

Anyone can be trained to be a master sales person or persuasion specialist as I like to call it. Whether you want to devote your entire life to selling high commissioned things like property or jets or you just want to position yourself to gain compliance from your friends, business partners, colleagues or life partner.

Here’s where things get interesting. Let’s say you have absolutely no interest in selling anything. Perhaps you are living your dream, doing what you arte truly passionate about and make a ton of money doing so. You have no need to generate any extra cash by devoting time to things that you’re not interested in. Selling is just not for you…..period. 

Let me ask you these few questions. 

Do you buy products or services from others? 

Do you like getting a deal on something? 

Are you currently making a living from your craft? 

Do you desire deep, meaningful relationships?

Are there certain aspects of your life that you think would be better if someone in your life would just see things a little differently? 

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then persuasion and influence is in fact for you. The truth is becoming better at influence is for not only for everyone, but if you’re not placing the demand on yourself to master it, you are doing yourself a huge disservice in life. 

Make no mistake; your ability to influence will supersede every other favorable attribute that you may have including your education, skill, experience, knowledge or ability simply because it magnifies the results you can achieve in all of those areas. 

You could graduate from Harvard Law, but if you can’t convince a judge, a jury or at the very least, your clients that you know what you’re talking about, you will lose to the guy (who may even be less educated) that can. 

You could have all the great qualities of a life partner but if you can never presuade someone to give you an opportunity to go on a date, your chances of remaining alone forever drastically increase. 

Whether you realize it or not, you are always selling something to someone and someone is always selling something to you. It may not be a physical thing with a price tag attached to it. It could be an opinion, a point of view or even a feeling. 

Selling something to someone is nothing more than persuasion. And persuasion – whether done consciously with a strategy or unconsciously without even thinking about it -is taking place in all of our lives every single day. 

So why not become better at it? Back to my questions above…..

If you buy products or services from others, they are selling you on why they feel the price is justified. If you mastered persuasion, you would be a better negotiator and may perhaps get more for less. 

If you like getting a deal on something, the same truth applies. Being able to effectively negotiate will ensure your best chances of getting a bargain. 

If you’re in a position where you own your own business or make a living from your craft, being more persuasive will multiply the volume at which others pay for your service or product. 

In the relationship department, you will be able to effectively communicate with others which is the basis from which relationships are built.

And if there is a boss or loved one who has the ability to make your life just a little more enjoyable if they just better understood you, being more persuasive will enable you to convey your message in the best way possible. 

Here’s my point. The techniques involved in influence and persuasion carry through to nearly every aspect of one’s life. That’s why it is so important to learn those techniques.

Check out more articles and blog updates at www.InfluenceMaster.com