Self Improvement

How To Use Discomfort To Your Advantage

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If you are not completely 100 percent satisfied with the way your life is going or if you feel  like you should be getting more out of life but cannot figure out what exactly is holding you back, it could be that you are not stepping out of your comfort zone.

Many times in life, it is our thoughts that hold us back more than any situation or stroke of bad luck.

Conversely, our thoughts also have the power to take our lives o the greatest heights we can imagine. 

I’m sure you’ve heard what I just said a million times so let me get straight to the ppoint and explain exactly how this works. 

The majority of our thoughts come from past experiences and relationships. Each experience and relationship brings with it a result that is either positive or negative. We then associate that result with the event or relationship. 

If result that occurred was a negative one, we tend to avoid events and relationships which we view as similar.

This certainly is not ground-breaking news. We’ve all either personally experienced or heard of someone who’s past negative experiences are having a negative effect on their current life. 

But have you ever experienced a situation where your success or a positive experience is negatively affecting you today? 

This is a situation that occurs every day in millions of people but they just don’t realize what’s happening. 

“But how could a positive event affect me negatively?” you may be asking. Here’s the answer; it’s preventing you from moving out of your comfort zone. 

While your comfort zone may be comfortable, it’s also not challenging you or enabling you to reach new levels in life. 

Here’s an example. Let’s say you start out in a company in a management position and you have some great people working for you. In fact, your branch outperforms many of the others in the company. Upper level management views you as an asset to the organization and wants to offer you a promotion which consists of managing a bigger branch with more responsibility.

As much as you want to move up in the company, deep down inside you keep referencing the success you’ve at the current branch and feel that it would be impossible to duplicate or live up to in another one. 

You then begin to feel like your reputation for being an effective manager would be ruined if you left the throne where you are currently regarded as a king and failed. 

And so you do nothing. You remain in the same position which is below your skill level and nothing changes. 

Had you moved out of your comfort level and taken the chance, things may have been much better. Sure there’s the risk that you could have failed but that’s part of life. 

While there’s no such thing as a guarantee, chances are that the skills which made you such an effective manager at your first branch combined with your experience would have made just as effective somewhere else.

Isn’t it strange how our successes can sometimes hold us back? But the fact of the mater is that this happens to people every single day.

My suggestion is start getting used to stepping out of your comfort zone. That way, when an opportunity arises, you’ll be able to clearly asses whether it will beneficial for you rather than just talking yourself out of it for the sake of being comfortable.

Three Simple Steps To Build Confidence

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The door to the most enriched life possible sometimes never opens for some people. For some of them, they never want to progress or achieve more in life. They simply want remain stagnate.

Others choose destructive paths which never materialize into anything beneficial.

But what about those people who sincerely want the best out of life and make every attempt to achieve it but still wind up failing or “not making it”?

This is a question I wanted to find the answer to a long time ago. While success means something different to each of us, I equate a big part of success to achieving financial freedom.

I’m not saying that money is everything. But it certainly is very important for me because it allows me to be more of who I really am. It also allows me to do the things that I really enjoy and am passionate about.

For me, time is what I find to be of the most value. The more time that I have to do whatever it is that I choose like playing with my children, traveling, listening to music, etc; the more enriched my life feels.

To be able to do these things, I need money. And when you aren’t born with a silver spoon in your mouth or “come from money” – as they say – you have 2 options to generate money; you can either work for someone else or you can borrow it from another party.

What you do with it after you receive it is a whole other story.

I have read tons of books, watched countless videos and listened to hundreds of recordings on building wealth and achieving financial freedom. Many of these resources contain the message “Do what you truly love and are passionate and everything else will fall into place.”

On a spiritual level, the message is that we were all put on the planet with some purpose and until we are serving that purpose, we will remain unfulfilled, spiritually, mentally and financially.

On a physical level, the message is that when we are partaking in things that we truly love to do, time disappears. Because we are involved in a labor of love, it’s not as if we are not actually working and this eliminates many of the variables that are involved in people giving up.

Therefore, instead of quitting when most people would, we go the distance and succeed.

Do you think Michael Jordan could have practiced the way he did if he didn’t truly love the game of basketball?

Here’s where things get tricky. You see, life doesn’t always unfold exactly the way we’ve planned and odds are that many people are just working to survive and pay the bills. To just wake up one day and decide to quit your job to go pursue your dream can be quite scary. I’ll come back to this in a minute.

Back to my research; since I wanted to learn more about how people build wealth, I purchased a book entitled “The Millionaire Mind” by Thomas J. Stanley which consisted of hundreds of interviews with millionaires (most self-made) to see what characteristics they shared in building their wealth.

One of the most common characteristics they shared wasn’t inherited wealth or persistence or even determination. It was nothing more than their ability to deal with people.

Their ability to effectively partner and build relationships with others is what played a crucial role in the wealth building process for these millionaires.

What I came to realize after years of research is that the same factor which prevents people from following their dreams is also the same factor which prevents people from building relationships with others.

That factor is nothing more than lack of confidence. It sounds rather cliché but it couldn’t be truer.

Confidence is the one thing that catapults you toward success or completely hinders your chances of achieving it. The reason being is because even with other great qualities like persistence, discipline, good work ethic, talent, intelligence, etc; at some point you will need the confidence to introduce these powers to others and take risks.

These same truths apply to your personal life. You could have all the qualities of a great partner but if you do not have the confidence to approach someone you are interested in, chances are you will remain lonely for a very long time.

And while money opens doors, relationships nurture the soul. With confidence, you will enable yourself to enjoy both.

Now the question becomes how does one develop confidence?

There are 3 things that I generally do when I need to develop confidence about a certain area of my life.

First, I educate myself. I research and learn as much about what it is I am getting involved in so that I can equip myself with the knowledge that I need to be successful.

In most cases, a person’s lack of confidence comes from their fear of failure. Failure is the result of not knowing or not doing and nothing more.

When you fail at something, it’s either because you didn’t take action in time or at all or you took the wrong action because you didn’t have enough information to make the right decision.

Therefore, you must know as much as possible about what you’re about to do so that your chances of failure will become lessened. Doing this efficiently and effectively will alone boost your confidence.

The second thing that I’ve always found it to be effective is to use past successes as a crutch for future ones. In other words, I think about a time when I wanted to achieve a goal and did so with no problem. I also think of those special moments where I was “in the zone” as they say.

We’ve all had these moments where we just can’t seem to do anything wrong. Everything we are doing is spot on and things seem as if they are just falling into place.

I mentally take myself back to that moment and think of how I felt and what was going through my mind and that really helps to build the confidence that I need to take the next risk or make the next move.

In Neuro Linguistic programming or NLP this is known as anchoring and it’s a very effective technique that I would recommend to anyone.

Lastly, I think about is the worst case scenario that could result from my action. In most cases, when you really take a close look at what’s at stake, you’ll quickly see how the worst case scenario, well….could be worse.

I always tell myself, as long as this decision will not inflict harm on me or anyone else, chances are the outcome (if undesired) could be remedied. Some may take longer than others but still the most negative outcomes can be fixed.

Ten Simple Steps To Acheive Goals

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Today I would like to take a moment to talk about of the most important aspects of personal development. It’s called goal setting.

Many people think they have set goals but in reality, they are just fantasizing about what they want in the future. 

Ask yourself this question “What goals do I want to achieve in life?” Now ask yourself  how many of these goals have been written down as if they are presently achieved with dates attached to them, are attached to what you are willing to give in exchange to achieve them, are committed to memory and read aloud every single day in the morning and just before bed? 

If you have skipped any of the above steps, I regret to inform you that you are merely fantasizing about your future instead of proactively creating it. 

I make it my business on January first to create a list of goals for the year which are then broken down by month, week, and day and in some cases, even the hour. 

Here’s something to think about. My wife and I just celebrated the birth of our second child; a beautiful baby girl. With this new blessing comes a ton of new things like diapers, formula and last but not least baby furniture which requires home assembly. 

Now at first glance, when attempting to put this stuff together, it seems quite overwhelming. There are countless screws, nuts, bolts, shelves, washers, etc. 

That’s where the directions come into play. Every page includes a list of instructions with a picture that teaches you how to assemble the product in a certain order. When followed correctly, the end result is the newly assembled product. 

I can personally say for myself that if I did not have a list of instructions, I would either give up on the assembly or just not even start it to begin with because the vision of all the pieces and no idea of how to put them together would just frustrate me to no end.

The same applies to goals in life. Sometimes, at first glance, goals can seem overwhelming and intimidating but when you break them down into smaller more “achievable” steps, things start to become much easier. 

This also brings with it another benefit. You see, every time you achieve one goal, it serves a confidence builder for other goals. 

So here’s my personal 10 step formula for effective goal setting. 

1.) Make sure all goals are written down. Studies show that once something is written, it becomes 90 percent more realistic. 

2.) Start with large goals that are then broken down into smaller goals – This makes things easier to digest and enables you to use the achievement of smaller goals as a crutch to achieve larger ones.

 3.) Make your goals as specific as possible – This ensures that the universe will provide exactly what you want rather than something indefinite. 

4.) State your goals as if you are already achieving them. For example, if you want to make $10,000 per month, say “I am making $10,000 per month as opposed to saying “I will make $10,000 per month”. This sends a message to the universe that says it must start providing you with you want ASAP.

5.) Attach a deadline to your goals – This ensures that they will actually be achieved rather than spending your whole life planning and not actually achieving. 

6.) State what you are willing to give in exchange for your goals – This makes them realistic rather than just fantasy. Remember, there’s no such thing as something for nothing.

7.) Commit them to memory by following step 8. 

8.) Read your goals aloud every morning and every evening just before bed – Studies show that the way we start our day dictates how we will finish it. Additionally, whatever we think about just before going to sleep will be planted into the subconscious over and over again while we sleep. 

9.) Revisit your goals and ensure you are on track to achieve them. 

10.) Make any needed changes. If something’s not working, change it. Sometimes, the quest to success involves changes on the roads map. It’s your responsibility to identify and implement them whenever necessary.

The One Thing You Can Sell...That Everyone Wants

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People ask me all the time, how do you build a successful business doing what you love?

How you discover your life purpose to what you truly passionate about and have people pay you enough money that you can actually live or maybe even get rich from doing so?

 Now I've done my fair share research on this topic and most of the time you hear things like you have to search deep within to figure out your life purpose and then figure out how you can use that to serve others and then begin assembling business make money from your passion

Now while those things are true, in my opinion they are secondary to what you should be focusing on initially which is becoming a seller of information.  We are now living in the age of information. The entire world is functioning as a result of the information that people access and how it can make things more effective, easier, more efficient, more entertaining, less painful, less time consuming and more profitable. It’s really that simple.

Once you begin to shift your focus from things that are centered on your personal needs like making money or doing what you love to providing information to others, things become much clearer and easier.

If you look at the most successful and wealthiest people in the world - regardless of what business they are in – they are in demand because they have information that other people want and are willing to pay for.

Now before the pessimistic side of you starts whispering things in your ear like “You don’t have any information that would be of value to anyone else” or “no one would ever pay for information from you” think again. You see, information is nothing more than a commodity.

And its value is based on the demand of it just like anything else.   The higher the demand for the information, the more valuable it becomes.

What makes information different than other sources of trade like consumer goods for example is that its availability is never limited in the physical form. In other words, it never really runs out as more people get their hands on it.

What can happen is that as more people get their hands on it and share it with others, it becomes easier to find. And once it becomes easier to find, it becomes less valuable.

The key to achieving extremely high levels of success when it comes to information is recognizing the roles of circumstance and urgency and then using them to your advantage.

I think I first realized this truth when I began my career as a copywriter for Internet marketers.

As a child I always struggled with math.  In fact, until this very day, I can only perform basic arithmetic.  Writing however, is something that always came very easy to me.  In fact, there was a point in my life where I would have other kids in school actually paying me to write essays for them.  Most of my ability to write comes from my imagination and because imagination is something that everyone has, I always made the assumption that everyone should be able to convey their thoughts to writing.

And many times people who have a natural talent or knack for something make the false assumption that everyone can perform the same task just as easily.  And so what happens is you begin to believe that either you don't have any information that would be valuable to anyone else or the information that you do have is just plain common sense and anyone can get their hands on it.

The truth is that in most cases, it all has to do with timing and circumstances. The timeliness or urgency of information and the circumstances behind it are what really create its demand.

Here's an example. Let’s say I was on my way to a big job interview. This is a job that could potentially fix all my problems. It’s my dream job. It’s everything I ever wanted. It’s the reason I went to school for so many years. The boss tells me, whatever I do; do not be late for the interview. He’s a real stickler for tardiness.

Suddenly, when I’m about half way there, my GPS dies and I realize I don’t have the charger.

I don’t want to be late for this interview. So try to Google the directions on my cell phone but I can’t get any reception.

I look to my left and right and then in my rear view mirror but I don’t see any other cars in site.

Suddenly I see some cars driving but it’s going to be next to impossible to get one of them to stop.

Now I’m really beginning to worry. The clock is ticking. I start driving and I see a gas station up head and hope that maybe someone in the gas station can help me.

Now whether or not I actually get the directions is irrelevant. The point is that whoever I see in that gas station is someone that I hope has the information that I need. In fact, I may even pay a few dollars for it if they were bold enough to ask for it. And if they do in fact have what I need, I will be extremely grateful and for a moment I might even look at them like a hero.

And for what? All they did was give me public information…THAT I HAD ONLY MINUTES BEFORE!

Circumstances and urgency can make even the most common, simple, well known information instantly valuable.

Think about something that you enjoy doing, something that comes relatively easy to you or a subject of conversation that you are knowledgeable about because you tend to remember things that you learn about that topic better than you do in other areas.

Once you've identified this thing.  Think about a group of people who would find it valuable.  And then think about how timing and circumstances would affect that group of people's desire to have what you possess.

Now, what I just shared with you might not enable you to build a multimillion dollar business overnight, but it's a great starting point for you to put the wheels within your mind in motion and start asking yourself questions that are can lead you closer to achieving success by serving others with valuable information.

What Commitments Can Do For You

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Today I want to talk about something that is essential to achievement, improving the quality of your life and empowering you as an influencer.

It’s something that sets the precedent for every decision and result that you achieve.

And it’s something that may sound so ridiculously obvious and unnecessary to even mention but the truth is, many people are either unaware of it or have a misconception of what it is.

This special something is called commitment.

Our destiny is shaped by our decisions. Our decisions are guided by our beliefs.

We formulate a belief about something which will then prompt us to make certain decisions based on that belief.

For example, let’s assume that you believe that you are over weight. That belief brings you to a decision that you have to lose weight by doing what most people do to lose weight which is to change your eating habits and exercise.

And so you do that for a few weeks and you may even see some results but for some reason you slow down and eventually stop.

The result is that you wind up in the same state that you began in, if not worse.

Keep in mind, this is just one example. Some people actually exercise and eat well for years only to go back to their old habits and gain all the weight back. In other words, it happens to people regardless of how long they form the habit.

So the question that I ask myself is “Why?” Why do people change their decisions from something that can benefit their lives such as exercising or eating better or stopping smoking or drinking alcohol only to go back and do it again?

The answer is simple. It’s their belief system.

You see, it’s our beliefs that prompt us to make a decision. It doesn’t matter whether that decision is positive or negative.

The only difference is the belief. So my theory is, the reason why people seem to fall back into bad habits even after they’ve formed positive one’s is because their beliefs changed somewhere along the way.

Take a person who decides to quit smoking.

Maybe at some point they formed the belief that smoking is bad for them. And that if they kept it up, they would eventually have huge consequences to pay and so they stop.

 At some point in their life however, they start smoking again. The reason this happens is because the belief changes.

 That belief could change into millions different things depending on what the original belief was. If the original belief as that there are huge consequences to pay for smoking, maybe the new belief is that those consequences only happen to certain people.

Or maybe it’s that those consequences can be fixed with the help of doctors or medications or that those consequences take time to develop and by the time things get bad, they’ll have already quit.

Or maybe even it’s that while those consequences are serious, the reward or temporary enjoyment that they get from smoking out weighs those consequences.

Again, there are million different ways this could go. The point is, beliefs change, and then decisions change which ultimately causes the results to change.

So now the question becomes how do we keep the beliefs from changing? Can we even prevent beliefs from changing? 

I guess it really all depends on the individual. Moreover, there are many different answers to questions and with each answer comes a new way of doing things.

One surefire way that I can I think of to stay true to a positive decision whether your belief changes or not is through making a commitment.

You see, a true commitment is different than a decision. A decision can be changed but a true commitment cannot. Otherwise, it’s not a commitment.

I think many people have a problem with this.

They “think” they’re making commitments but in reality they’re just making decisions.

Making a commitment to stop smoking means you can never smoke again and are committed to everything that comes with it. Deciding to stop smoking means you can decide to go right back.

The point is, commitments are final and should not be changed; unless of course they are negative.

Think about the impact that making decisions rather than commitments can have on your relationships with others. Theoretically, you could decide to change the rules at any point and perhaps lose a great friend, spouse, lover, life partner, etc.

Here’s a quick and simple way to set your commitments:

First, write them down. Until it’s written down, it’s not real. It’s merely a thought that is circulating in your mind from time to time. Once written down however, it becomes to materialize into something of substance and only then can it stand a chance of being followed through on.

Second, pick 3 goals that if achieved would ensure that this commitment is being followed through on. Again, you must write them down for the same reasons listed above motioned above. These goals must be S.M.A.R.T. which means specific, measureable, attainable, realistic and timed. This will further ensure that these goals are achieved.

Lastly, you must form the habits needed to support the attainment of these goals.

We all have habits. The key is to form habits that will impact your life positively rather than negatively.

 If you can make commitments that are broken down into goals which are driven by habits, you will keep those commitments alive and well. And there is no greater feeling than making a commitment and sticking to it.

In terms of how this will impact your results as an influencer, one key element in your ability to influence others will be the amount of respect they have for you. Simply put, it’s very hard to influence someone if they don’t respect you.

One proven way to gain respect on some level is to show people that you stick to your commitments. When you’re able to do that, you are automatically perceived as someone who has strength, focus, discipline and credibility; all of which are prerequisites for respect.