Influence is really all about connecting with other people. Many times however, people think they are connecting, engaging, intriguing or entertaining but in reality, they are repelling their target without even realizing it.

Here's the deal, whether you choose to realize it or not, there is a formula for effectively influencing others and it involves some rules that you MUST follow if you want to achieve the desired result.

One very important rule is to not piss people off and have them itching to escape their interaction with you.

"But Paul, I would never do anything to make such a thing happen".

Think again, if you are doing anything even remotely related to what I'm about to mention here, you should begin to rethink your approach when interacting with others.

Here we go:

Wrong Volume Selection - There are 3 levels of volume that you can use when speaking; too low, too loud or just right. Guess which one is correct. Seems like common sense but many people either speak so low that their target gets tired of listening and starts listening to other things like other people's conversations, their thoughts or music in the background or they speak at a volume that others find annoying and irritating. Either one of these will cause you to lose your target so pay attention and make sure you speak loud enough that they can hear you but low enough to not annoy them.

Improper Attire - Let's face it; looks may not be everything but they sure as hell matter. Within the first 4 seconds of meeting you, your target is making rapid unconscious decisions about what they think of you. Much of this dates back to the primate days where we would have to figure out if someone else posed a threat to us or could help us. The result is that people try to figure out what status you have in society when they first meet you. Therefore, it's extremely important to dress accordingly. If you're at a business meeting with professionals that will be in suits and ties, do the same. If you're closing a deal with a tattoo artist at a rock concert, it's a different story. My point is that there is no set right and wrong on attire but it should be predicated on the occasion and environment.

Talking Too Much - Yes, the ability to open up and talk to others is a favorable trait to have as a persuader but remember, if you're doing all the talking; you're not learning about your target. That will make it hard to influence them. Aside from that, people love to hear themselves talk (about stuff they are educated about or find interesting). Giving them the opportunity to do so, will make them feel more comfortable around you. Comfort leads to compliance.

Invading Personal Space - Again, this goes back to the primate instinct of self protection and defense. People do not their personal space invaded so be sure to maintain at least a foot of distance between your toes and theirs if you're facing one another.

Poor Use Of Body Language - This one is a whole product itself (one which I am working on right now actually). Non-verbal communication accounts for more than 55% of the communication between human beings yet most people think what they say has more power than what they do. And in most cases, what they do is done unconsciously. This means that what you think you're doing right with your mouth can be ruined but what you don't even know you're doing with your body. Pay attention to both your body language as well as your targets.

Again, this is by no means the complete list of things to avoid but it should give you a basic idea of what you may be doing wrong.