Recently I posted an article about some of (what I consider to be) very interesting facts about the eyes and how you can learn a lot about what a person is thinking by simply paying closer attention to things like pupil dilation.

Someone had posted a comment which was actually a question about how you can stare into a person’s eyes without looking like a “weirdo”.

In other words, how do you look deep enough into their eyes to determine if the pupils are dilated without appearing obvious to the degree that the person feels uncomfortable?

I answered that question but felt it would be even better to really elaborate on the topic of looking into someone’s eyes.

Ok. So first and foremost, according to body language experts Allan and Barbara Pease, when it comes to gazing, there are basically three types: Social Gazing, Intimate Gazing and Power Gazing.

1.) Social Gazing – Much research on gazing has shown that most people focus on a triangular area between the eyes and the mouth on another person’s face for around 90% of the gaze time during social encounters.

2.) Intimate Gazing – When approaching another person from a distance, we usually look quickly at their face and then to the lower body. We do this first to determine their sex and then to determine our interest level in them. This gaze is across the eyes and below the chin to lower parts of the other person’s body. During close encounters, it’s the triangular areas between the eyes and chest. During encounters from far away, it’s from the eyes to the groin or lower. This gaze is used by both men and women alike to show interest in others and to reciprocate when this type gaze is placed on them from someone they find interesting. It typically consists of 2 quick glances followed by a look at their face. What’s interesting is how most people think that men do this more than women when in fact the opposite is true. Research has shown that women check men out more than men check out women but the difference lies the ability to make it obvious which women are equipped to do better as their range of peripheral vision (45 degrees) is much wider than that of a man's. This means she can basically appear as though she is looking at a man’s face but actually be looking below his waist…..talk about a hidden advantage.

3.) Power Gazing – Power gazing takes place when a person focuses on the area in between the eyes of another person. It’s almost as if there’s an imaginary third eye on the face. Focusing on this area automatically lets the person know you mean business and creates a very serious atmosphere.

So back to the original question on how you can pay attention to the pupils without coming across as a weirdo.

The answer is simple. First, remember that environment dictates a lot. If you’re meeting someone for the first time in casual setting, use the social gaze and check for pupil dilation from time to time. This will prevent you from appearing obvious. If you are on a date with someone or are in an intimate setting, then intimate gazing is acceptable and there’s usually a general understanding that this is the way most people look at each other in these environments. This also makes it a lot easier to check for pupil dilation because staring into someone’s eyes in an intimate environment is not unordinary; it’s expected. And if you find yourself in a serious conversation with someone and you are checking for pupil dilation, chances are that person won’t even be thinking about it. Instead, they will be too wrapped up in the serious subject matter.