Selling is something I have been involved in since as far back as I can remember. It’s something that’s always come quite easy to me.

Some of my friends however, feel that making a living in sales is crazy. “How could you work without knowing you’re getting a steady paycheck?” “How could you let other people determine how much money you are going to make?”

These are the same people that work at 9-5 jobs and get paid the same rate no matter how talented, committed or hardworking they are.

 I’ve always had different outlook on things. When they would ask me questions like that, I would ask “How could you work your _ss off and be paid the same as someone who slacks off all day?”

I believe people should be paid based on their ability. And rather than being nervous about not having a steady paycheck, I simply love the fact hat there is no cap on the amount of money I can make. I decide what my paycheck is.

One thing I have learned in sales is that the principles and techniques involved in closing a sale are also essential to improving your life overall.

As I’vealways said; no person has ever achieved anything great without the help of someone else. Cultivating the right relationships in life is a high leverage tool to achieve success.

Part of cultivating the right relationships is being persuasive. Persuasiveness is the ability to convince someone else to do exactly what you want them to do in an honest way.

Today, I’m going to share with out the single most important part of being an expert persuader. This will enable you to close the deal, win the date, get the job or do just about anything else that you need the help of someone else to do.

 In sales, we call this the 80/20 rule. Basically it involves listening 80 percent of the time and speaking 20 percent. This enables you to determine what the customer, potential lover, boss, date, etc. wants and what they perceive as valuable.

You see, it’s never about what you are selling or presenting to someone, it’s about what their perceived value is of what you are offering.

Every time I ever hired a new sales person who claims they are an expert closer, I ask them if they can close a person on anything or just certain things. The typical answer is “I can sell anything Paul.”

I then pull out my stapler and ask them to sell it to me. And so the show goes on, 95 percent of these so called “experts” begin taking about how sturdy the stapler is, how many staples it holds and all the wonderful things it’s capable of doing.

After letting the person go on for about 15 minutes, I say “that’s great but I have think about it. I’ll call you in a few days.”

And the person has nothing to say. Why? Because they never took the time to listen to what I perceive as valuable. Because if they had, they would have built the presentation around those value points. Plus, in the time they spent listening to me, they would have 1.) Built a rapport and 2.) Discovered any objections that I may bring up later so they could be prepared to overcome them.

So how do you determine what the other person perceives valuable? The answer is very simple. You ask questions.

In sales, we call this the needs analysis. Basically, you ask a series of questions that will help you determine what the other person considers valuable and help disclose any objections that may pop up later so you can prepare to effectively overcome them.

So the minute I interview a salesperson and they start their stapler presentation by asking me questions like “Is this for personal or professional use?” “Would you be purchasing just one stapler or multiple products?” I know this is truly an expert salesperson.

That’s what expert salespeople do. They ask questions and spend 80 percent of the time listening to what the other person says.  That way, they don’t waste the entire time making a presentation based on something that the person could care less about when they could have taken the time to listen and easily close the sale.

Now if you’re a person who has studied sales, influence, persuasion or any other body of knowledge related to gaining compliance from others, you know that what just shared is pretty basic stuff.

Here’s where I want to take things to the next level.

Most educated sales people know that to determine the other person’s needs, you need to ask questions, but what do you do if you find yourself in a situation where the person doesn’t feel like being questioned?

What do you do when you are dealing with someone that is extremely defensive and wants you to just “get to the point”?

These are 2 of the most popular questions that sales people always pose to me. So here’s the answer. First realize that without ever actually getting them to give you what you need, which is their true desire for having what you have to offer, your chances of closing them are next impossible. Simply put, you MUST get them to open up at some point; that’s your job. So don’t ever –under any circumstances – let that person take control of the conversation by skipping this crucial part of your presentation just because you’re afraid they’re going to get up and leave.

In order for the sale to take place, you must make your presentation and if you allow them to prevent you from doing that, odds are you will lose them anyway.

What you must do is appear to give them what they want so you can disarm them and ultimately get what you want.

To do that, you must first understand why this person is acting the way they are. Chances are it’s because of one of two reasons or both. The first is that they have been burned in the past by making a decision to buy something similar to what you are selling and either you, the environment or the current experience is taking them back that previous experience.

The second is that this person usually makes decisions from a skeptical standpoint and therefore is usually very defensive by nature.

In either case, their objective is to get the information from you as fast as possible so they can thoroughly scrutinize it – without you there trying to sell them -before making any rash decisions.

The key here is to convey the message that you want to be able to get them as much info as possible to ensure they make the best decision. And so rather than just asking them the set of questions that you normally would to uncover their desires, you first make them believe that the questions you are asking are for the sole purpose of enabling you to give them as much relevant data as possible.

For example, when I was selling health club memberships and I came across a person who is demanding the just know the price; I would say to them “Sir/ma’am, we have a number of different options which all depend on individual needs because we know people don’t like paying for things that they don’t need.” Then, without any hesitation I would ask a question that they believe is being asked for the benefit of giving them the data they need like “are you going to be using one club or multiple clubs? “

This instantly shifts their perception from me trying to pull information out of them so I can sell them to me just simply trying to figure out which option would be best for them so I can present the data that they need to make their decision in the best way possible.

But what I have really done is began the process of asking questions which opens up a form of dialog which if done correctly, will enable me to create rapport. Once, rapport has been established, my odds of making the sale dramatically increase because my odds of making the presentation increase because they will begin to lower their defense mechanisms and also think twice about trying to rush me and appear rude when I’m trying to help them.

Try to ask at least 4 questions like this because the more questions they answer, the easier it becomes to ask the questions that you really want to ask like “what are you hoping to accomplish here” which will peel back the layers and lead you to their desires.

Once you have the desire, you have the gold.