Body Language

Ten Handshakes You Should Avoid At All Cost

June 11, 2015 0 comments

Handshakes are not a modern invention. Tribes of ancient times used them. The Romans used them. The Greeks used them. And yes, we use them today.

Simply put: the handshake has been there for as long as the human race remembers.

Since this gesture is not going away any time soon, we need to make sure that you understand the various nuances of this hand-pumping gesture. Back in the day, the Romans clasped the forearm whenever they wanted to greet someone.

There was a practical use for this somewhat odd gesture: people routinely checked if the other person was hiding a dagger or blade on his forearm. A single strong shake can help a person determine whether or not the other person is armed or not.

When the aristocracy rose and trade was booming, the handshake was transformed into a gesture that sealed business transactions. People shook hands when an agreement has been reached and goods/money was about to be traded between two or more people.

Some handshakes are worse than others. In fact there are handshakes that never contribute to a person’s credibility. First impressions last, and these handshakes create a lasting negative impression on people so avoid them at all cost.

Here they are:

The Clammy Handshake (10% Credibility) AKA The "Dead Fish"

The limp, clammy handshake never impresses.

No one likes the idea of shaking hands with a person who seems to have just finished washing the dishes. Sweat is a big turn off in the world of social graces and the handshake is too essential to be ruined by sweat.

A sweaty palm does not only appear unhygienic but it also signals something much worse: that the person with the clammy handshake has weak character. If you want to exude confidence, your handshake has to communicate that as well.

Important Note: the Clammy Handshake is considered disagreeable in most Western countries like the USA, Canada, etc. However, in some countries in Asia, a firm grip during a handshake is generally avoided because it can actually offend people.

The best strategy when you are in a foreign country is to simply match the grip strength of the other person. Also, carry a handkerchief that you can use to wipe away sweat from your palms when you know full well that you are going to shake hands with important people.

The Tight Handshake (40% Credibility)

A little too tight?

The tight handshake is usually done by two types of people: power players and people with low self-confidence. People with low self-confidence usually shake hands in this manner because they are often afraid that the other person might become too dominant.

The tight handshake is performed in this manner:

The initiator offers a palm-down hand
He takes the other hand and makes a downward pump once
Three strong pumps are given before the initiator lets go of the other hand

The Wrench Handshake (0% Credibility)

Interested in shaking hands with a wrench? Me neither. And neither are other people.

Handshakes are meant to transmit confidence and credibility – not pain. People who routinely use the Wrench Handshake should not be surprised that their handshake can actually draw blood if the other person has a ring on.

The Wrench Handshake is the choice weapon of the blindly aggressive individual who wants nothing more than to appear ‘on top’ of things wherever he is.

Unfortunately, this kind of handshake only causes shock and people who have had the misfortune of having to endure this type of handshake will only have a negative impression of the initiator.

People who like the Wrench Handshake will usually grab the other person’s hand without warning and grip it so tightly during the hand pump movement that the other person will have no chance at all to control the handshake.

If you’re a woman and you are about to meet a lot of businessmen, I suggest that you take off any ring that you might have on before shaking hands. You never know when an errant bone-crusher might come along to ruin your day with a senseless and awful handshake.

Since it would be quite difficult to control a sudden Wrench Handshake from someone you barely (or don’t) know, the one thing that you can do to is to respond to the bone-crushing grip with a statement like “That actually hurt. You have some grip.”

Statements like these are not meant to be offensive but are designed to catch the attention of the errant hand-shaker. Your statement will serve as a warning so he will not repeat the awful handshake.

The Finger-Grab Handshake (20% Credibility)

The finger-grab handshake usually happens when a man is introduced to a woman or vice versa. What happens is either one of the two parties involved makes a miscalculation when the handshake is imitated. When the miscalculation takes place, one party commits the error of grabbing the other party’s fingertips instead of the palm/whole hand.

A limp and weird handshake results from all the finger-grabbing that takes place. Why does this handshake occur? Apart from the miscalculation of the distance, there are two other possible reasons why this type of handshake takes place:

The initiator of the handshake has low self-confidence
The initiator has a much bigger personal space allowance than the recipient

If Person A has a personal space allowance of just two feet while Person B has a personal space allowance of three feet, the two hands will fail to connect properly.

If this happens to you, here’s what you can do:

1.) Step closer to the other person.

2.) Gently hold the outstretched hand with your opposite hand and place it on your ‘shaking’ hand.

3.) Say “Let’s try this again!”. Make sure that you do it with a positive tone of voice and a quick smile.

4.) Pump the other person’s hand.

This act shows the other person that he is equally important as you and you are equals. There is no need for any power play at all if you receive this kind of handshake.

To create a lasting positive impression on the other person you have to show him/her that you consider him/her as an equal and not a subordinate

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The Push-Back Handshake (30% Credibility)

The Push-Back Handshake can be commonly seen when politicians and world leaders appear on television and they want to appear that they are happy to see each other (even if in reality, they really don’t). The Push-Back Handshake is a poor handshake because there is unnecessary movement and force involved.

Whenever there is unnecessary force involved, the credibility projected by a handshake is reduced significantly because the balance of power between the two parties involved is disturbed.

The Push-Back Handshake is performed this way:

One party holds out his hand to be shaken.
The errant shaker grabs the hand firmly and pushes back.
The outstretch forearm is pushed back and the elbow bends.
The errant shaker’s arm remains straight during the hand pump movement.

Why do people do this? The most common reason is some people need more personal space than others. When the Push-Back Handshake is performed, the errant shaker is telling the other person to back off, because he feels that his personal space is being invaded.

The Pull-In Handshake (30% Credibility)

The direct opposite of the Push-Back Handshake is the Pull-In Handshake. The Pull-In Handshake is more popular than the Push-Back Handshake because it produces a more intimidating (and therefore more sinister) effect.

When a person gets pulled in by another person during a handshake they are taken away from their comfort zone/personal space and they are forced into the private territory of the power player. Once this happens, the other person is symbolically dominated by the power player.

Here are some other reasons why some people choose to use the Pull-In Handshake:

The person performing the Pull-In Handshake has self-confidence issues and does not feel comfortable reaching out to another person during a handshake.

The person comes from a local or foreign culture that requires a very small personal space during handshakes.

The person likes it when the other person seems off-balance. This is another way of dominating another person during handshakes.

The Overzealous Handshake (40% Credibility)

Anything, if done in excess, can cause malaise. The same holds true for handshakes. The Overzealous Handshake reduces a person’s projected credibility because it forces longer physical contact than necessary.

When a person performs the Overzealous Handshake, he continuously pumps the other person’s hand (there may even be a rhythm in the pumping motion) as if he was trying to draw out water from a manual water pump.

Sometimes an overzealous shaker will cease from continuously (and rhythmically) pumping the other person’s hand; however, he may choose to hold the other person’s hand after the handshake. Again, this prolonged contact is bad because it weakens the other party’s motivation to pull away from the strange handshake.

The Bunch of Carrots (20% Credibility)

As you can imagine, the Bunch of Carrots handshake is a bit like being handed some dried and heavy vegetables. The shaker’s hands may not be sweaty or clammy, but the hand is sluggish during the handshake and the other person’s will seem lazy or uninterested during the handshake as well.

SPECIAL: The Clash of the Titans Handshake

Pardon the somewhat dramatic title for this handshake, but it really does seem that two titans are actually fighting when this handshake combination is carried out.

The Clash of the Titans handshake is performed when one person uses a Pull-In Handshake while the other person resists the movement by performing a Push-Back Handshake.

Both parties will not move from their own personal spaces and each will try to outdo each other. What results is a somewhat strained position for both people.

The person on the left would most likely be using a pushing motion while the other one will be using a pulling motion to force the person on the left out of his comfort zone. If you see this kind of handshake, it is possible that there is some degree of animosity between the two individuals performing this very aggressive handshake.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Reading body language is a double edged sword. It's easy and accurate because we communicate through body language most of time. It's natural and very difficult to fake. The caveat id that it can become difficult or inaccurate if you read signs the wrong way.

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How To Tell If Someone Is Lying To You

October 24, 2014 0 comments

The Deception Code consists of a five step process that gives you a close to 95% accuracy rate in detecting deception. In this video I share the first step which is to gather intelligence and establish a baseline.

This is where most trainings on this topic miss the mark. They show you how to read people but that's it.

They don't talk about the importance of establishing a baseline or a set of natural behaviors that your targets exhibits so that you can compare them to how they act under stress or interrogation.

For details on the full training go to: http://deceptioncode.com/

Watch the video and leave a comment.

How To Dectect Deception In A Few Steps

January 19, 2014 0 comments

Five Keys To Mind Reading

December 27, 2012 0 comments

# 1 Learn to Read the Signs

Body language works so well because you are accessing the deepest emotions and thoughts of others by reading their physical expressions. People have an inborn tendency to express themselves through gestures and facial expressions – we can’t modify this tendency any more than we can modify the fact that we have opposable (not sure that's a word but I'm sticking with it) thumbs.

But it takes more than just being observant to be able to effectively read body language. To be able to understand what the other person is really trying to say to you, you must be able to read gestures and expressions in clusters.

For example, if a person suddenly frowned, does it mean that he dislikes you? That singular expression, taken out of context and its gesture cluster, is meaningless because you won’t be able to associate it with other gestures.

You have to find associated expressions and gestures to make a valid interpretation of what’s in front of you at the moment. If you read isolated expressions and base your decisions and words on those isolated expressions, you may not be able to influence the other person because you keep missing what he’s really trying to convey.

A body language cluster is similar to a verbal sentence. And like a verbal sentence, a nonverbal sentence needs at least three elements to work. So before making a conclusion, you need to link at least three distinct body language signals coming from the other person.

You also need to determine if the signals you are picking up are actually related. For example, if the other person crossed his arms, frowned and suddenly had a bad coughing fit, do you think the last part was related to the first two parts of the nonverbal message?

You can hone your ability to read other people’s body language by watching movies and turning off the sound. Your sensitivity to body language will become heightened as your brain works double time to interpret the body language of the actors and actresses in the movie. You can also observe people when you are in the mall or in the park.

# 2 Look for Consistency Between Nonverbal Language & Verbal Language

How will you know if the other person has already been persuaded or influenced? Check for congruence between what he’s saying and what he’s expressing (unknowingly) through his body language.

Most people don’t realize that the bulk of their message is contained in nonverbal language, so they keep their guard down when it comes to expressing themselves physically.

People are very guarded about what they say but they don’t know how to conceal what their facial expressions and physical gestures convey. This is one of the biggest advantages of master influencers who are adept in both verbal communication and nonverbal communication.

You would be able to monitor both channels of communication and check if the other person is confidently expressing the same thing through both channels.

If the person in front of you is saying “I believe you” but his body language is saying “I don’t believe a word you’re saying” then you may have to uncover the hidden objections and counter these objections to be able to influence the other person.

You can also use this technique to see if you have been able to establish rapport with your audience. Verbal responses are easy to ‘fake’ especially when the audience is trying its best to be polite. But what if you really want to know if the audience is responding to your message?

Again, all you have to do is to look at your audience’s body language. If your audience is showing signs of being distracted or distant, you may not be making a full impact on your audience at all.

In such cases, you have to stop and re-evaluate what you should do next because what you are doing at the moment is not having a very beneficial effect on your social interaction. A master influencer must move fast when he detects in-congruence between what is being said and what is being expressed through the face and the body.

If you move quickly enough, you may be able to change the course of the social interaction and create a lasting positive impression on the other party.

# 3 Read Nonverbal Messages In Context

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary has two definitions for the word context:
1. The parts of a discourse that surrounds a word or passage and can throw light on its meaning.
2. The interrelated conditions in which something exists or occurs.

Interestingly enough, the word itself was derived from two Latin words: “com” and “texere” which literally meant ‘to weave’. This reveals to us that language in itself is meaningless without context.

You can’t make sense of words (verbal or otherwise) if you don’t see the context in which the words were spoken. Nonverbal messages must also be read and understood within their proper contexts. For example, if the other party suddenly shivered in front of you, does it mean that what you were saying actually spooked the other party?

If you read the gesture/expression in isolation, you may come up with that conclusion (i.e. you are a scary speaker, indeed). But if you look at other potential causes of the behavior, you will be able to come up with a more informed conclusion as to what the other person is really trying to say.

Not all body language signals are significant (the same way that not all our words are groundbreaking and important). You also have to be able to sift through the mess of expressions coming from the other party and trace the ones that are relevant to the matter at hand.

As a master influencer it is also important to analyze gestures based on the possibility that they may be habitual expressions of the other person. If a gesture is habitual, it may be meaningless because the other person does it just because he finds the gesture/expression nice or desirable.

Some people flick their hands back and forth while talking (regardless of what they are feeling about the idea on the table) while some smile broadly even if they disagree wholeheartedly with what the other person is saying.

You have to be extra careful when reading nonverbal messages in this type of situation because you might not be able to detect and resolve objections to your argument if you don’t even understand the actual message that the other person is trying to convey.

# 4 Small Gestures and Expressions Are Equally Important

Some people make the mistake of ignoring small gestures because they think that in the grand scheme of things, the small things are irrelevant. Well, I’m here to tell you right now that nothing could be further from the truth.

Oftentimes, the most essential gestures are performed at a very small scale and at high speed. Some adults can be guarded/defensive about what they say and what they convey with their physical gestures and expressions unlike kids who are still developing the gestures that would later be part of their repertoire of signals in adulthood.

Here’s a good example: have you ever seen a child tell a small lie? Like who ate the last cookie in the jar? Notice that most kids (usually those who are younger than 5) will try to cover their mouths as they say “no, I didn’t eat the cookie”.

The mouth-covering gesture is a sign that the other party is telling a lie. In adulthood, the mouth-covering gesture is scaled down and is done at high speed.

A teenager or adult who is telling a lie may suddenly touch the rim of the mouth for a second before speaking. The small, insignificant movement is actually the same full
blown mouth-covering gesture used by small children. It has only been scaled down so it won’t be so obvious.

The mouth covering gesture can also be performed in such a way that it’s not apparent that the other person is trying to cover his mouth. For example, a person may touch the tip of his nose with his index fingers (hands are clasped) so it would appear that he’s just trying to scratch an itchy nose.

Blinking is also another micro-signal that you should watch out for. Unnatural blinking during a conversation usually means that the other person is hiding something from you.

Persuasion would be difficult if the other person has not laid down all of his cards on the table. In such cases you would need to draw out the other person even more to get to the bottom of the situation.

# 5 Separate Fake Nonverbal Signals From Genuine Signals

I’ve been asked this question many times in the past: is it possible to actually fake body language? The simple answer is yes it’s possible to fake body language but it would take a very long time before a person can control all of the macro and micro signals given off by the body during social interactions.

You see, we can only control a very small percentage of all the body signals that we give out when we speak to someone. You can smile, but if you absolutely dislike what is in front of you then your body will immediately work to reflect this truth.
People who make it a habit to deceive people usually fake most signals successfully – but not all. There are still many nonverbal signals that we have no control over and as a master influencer, it’s your job to catch these signals.

It’s hard to fake body when the receiver of the signals is a woman because women are generally more perceptive than males. Males on the other hand, can learn to be more perceptive so they don’t become easy prey to con men and other deceptive individuals.

How can you be more perceptive? You have to be able to separate the real signals from the fake signals. For example, if the other person is nodding and smiling at what you are saying and is expressing "I like what I’m hearing", you may want to check the cheeks and eye region.

A genuine smile is relaxed and makes the corners of the eyes crinkle a little. The cheeks would also be relaxed to accommodate the movement of the mouth muscles. This is a genuine smile and it conveys pleasure, agreement or happiness. A fake smile is limited to the mouth region only.

The eyes and cheeks are often stiff and non-expressive. It is possible to fake body language but you would have to be a very deceptive person to be able to fake it for long periods of time. The body doesn’t like hiding what is really in the mind, so deceptive people need lots of energy to cover up their body language.

Mind Reading Through The Hands

November 2, 2012 0 comments

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Dectecting Lies In Smiles

August 28, 2012 0 comments

Smiling is possible through the combined effort of two groups of muscles: the zygomatic muscles and the orbicularis oculi.

The zygomatic muscles are simply the muscles that are present on the side of the face. The orbicularis oculi on the other hand, is responsible for moving the area near the eyes. When activated, the orbicularis oculi pulls back the small area near the eyes as a person genuinely smiles at something.

When a person smiles sincerely and genuinely, his eyes and mouth smile together.

And here‟s the secret that separates fake smiles from real ones: the zygomatic muscles (the muscles responsible for controlling the mouth during a smile) are controlled consciously while the orbicularis oculi are not consciously controlled. You can‟t pull back your own eyes during a smile if it‟s not sincere.

Telling a Genuine From a Fake

People who routinely fake their smiles have to consciously move their mouths so a smile is produced.

However, the rest of the face will not follow suit because there is no real emotion or sentiment behind the smile. There is mental motivation, but if the emotion is not present, the brain will have no reason to send out the signals that will produce the desired smile.

The easiest indicator if a smile is genuine is to check the sides of the eyes. Are there small wrinkles there? If there are small, soft wrinkles near the eyes then the smile is genuine.

But don't be fooled – some people who habitually fake their smiles can also create wrinkles near the eyes, but only because their faces have been scrunched so tightly that the skin near the eyes have to fold slightly to accommodate the movement of the zygomatic muscles.

According to a code system developed by researchers from the University of California, a genuine smile has the following characteristics:

1. Mouth muscles are in a smiling orientation

2. Cheeks move up

3. Creases form near the eyes

4. Eyebrows move downward a notch

If all four traits are present in a smile then you can be a 100% sure that the other person is being sincere when he smiles at you. But if only the mouth is smiling and the rest of the face is stoic and unmoving, then the other person is probably faking it.

Sadly, not everyone is a master reader and not everyone can spot a genuine smile from a fake or insincere smile.

Most people would be happy that a stranger or colleague took the time to drop a small smile. We are so hardwired to accept smiling that we fail to become critical of this important facial expression.

As a body language reader, you need to learn how to analyze smiles as well. Smiles should also be "read" along with other gestures and expressions in a cluster and the context of the smile should also be taken into account.

Because smiling can easily defuse a tight or tension-filled situation, most people think that conscious smiling in some situations can mean that the other person might be deliberately doing it so he can get away with something.

An important issue arises: do people smile more when they are about to tell a lie?

Remarkably, research regarding this particular issue states that people tend to smile less when they are telling lies. People probably avoid smiling when they are saying something false because there is already a common belief that liars like to smile when they are about con or swindle someone.

This doesn't mean that pathological liars don’t use the smiling tactic. Here are some general "rules of thumb" when it comes to smiling liars:

A liar would smile even before the lie is given. Smiles are almost spontaneous or automatic.
A liar would hold his fake smile for a longer period compared to a genuine smile. A liar can choose to smile for minutes if he feels that it would help his deceptive cause.
Since liars have to consciously smile to appear sincere to people, they have to exert extra effort to make their smiles look genuine. This extra effort usually results in a slightly lopsided smile.The smile becomes imbalanced because the left part of the face will be slightly more pronounced than the right side of the face.
This is due to the fact that the part of the brain that controls smiling are located on the right side of the brain and this region sends out a stronger signal to the left side of the body.

The Secret To Conveying Passion Through Body Language

August 28, 2012 0 comments

Ever wondered how evangelists and other notable public personalities are able to gain such followings simply through their talk? One of their biggest secrets is their ability to fully express their passion through their body language.

Again, if the goal is to get people to feel excited or passionate about what you are talking about, you need to back up the verbal content of the message with the appropriate body language because people expect your body language to be congruent with what you are saying verbally.

The most effective way of expressing one’s passion is through energy gestures. Energy gestures are amazing because they not only express your passion but they are able to motivate people to mirror your energy and passion, which is essential when you are leading a group of people.

Energy gestures are important to your subliminal influence toolbox. People might think you are sincere and someone who can be trusted, but this doesn’t mean that people would do what you want them to do immediately. People still need motivation – and motivation requires passion and access to people’s emotions.

So far you have learned about the plane of dissonance, the plane of pure trust and how breathing affects communication. If you need to express passion, you need to access the plane of energy.

The plane of energy is located near the center of the chest region, right where the heart is. When a person begins gesturing from his heart, his heart rate increases and his energy surges. People automatically feel this sudden change and the same effect are achieved in the audience.

Why do we become confident and powerful when we gesture from the chest level/heart level?

The reason is probably because the chest region is the most well-protected area of the body. Sure, the chest region houses the lungs and the heart but at the same time, this part of the body is protected by a very hard cage of bone.

We feel almost invulnerable because this part of the body is hard and well-defended. A person can easily raise his energy level by gesture from this part of the body without feeling vulnerable.

If you doubt the truth of this statement, try gesturing from the abdominal level, near the stomach. Does it feel somewhat different? If it does feel different, it means that your brain is telling you that you are gesturing from a vulnerable part of the body and you should stop.

When you need to raise the passion and energy of your message, I invite you to use this particular plane. Use it well and you will reap the rewards but as with anything in this world, this plane does have some potential downsides.

First, it is very easy to overdo the expression of passion. People like it when their pack leader has excellent control of his emotions. Raising your energy may be misinterpreted as a lack of self-control and this reduces your credibility as a pack leader.

Second, some audiences may not appreciate the fact that you are trying to get them excited. In such cases, you need to move away from trying to influence your audience peripherally; you need to influence them centrally (i.e. by inviting them to analyze the facts that you have strategically presented to them).

Third, even if your gestures are well presented some people might still think that you are being too melodramatic. Again, you have to re-evaluate whether the venue is right for this approach to influencing people.

I know that many of you might find this volume a little confusing at first because I’ve broken down the body into different planes, each with a unique purpose.

I want these techniques to become second nature and I know for a fact that in the beginning, it’s hard to let go of old body language habits. That’s why I’ve prepared a very simple and yet very effective exercise for those of you who can’t figure out how nonverbal language affects a person’s very conviction to verbally express himself.

This exercise is very easy. You just have to say “I love you!” but you need to do it twice, using two very different bodily planes. When you are ready, say “I love you!” while gesturing from beneath your waist line. Take note of how you felt when you said those words when you were gesturing from the plane of dissonance.

Are you ready for the second step? Say “I love you!” but this time, raise your hands so you are gesturing from above the navel. Take note once again of how those words felt as you gestures from above the navel. Try saying those words using different planes – how do the words feel and how does the plane you chose affect how the words feel as you were expressing them verbally?

It's Amazing What You Can "Say" With Your Hands

August 20, 2012 0 comments

Few other groups of gestures can compare to the power of hand gestures. According to scientists there are more nerve connections to the brain on the hands than any other body part. The hands are so essential to human survival that the body made sure that there would always be adequate communication between the brain and the hands.

How much can you learn from observing just a person's hands? Plenty – if you ask me. For example, did you know that you can see easily see a person's bias by watching how he moves his hands up and down during the course of a discussion? That's right – just watch how a guy or girl discusses ideas. The bias is revealed in the gesticulation.

It is estimated that 90% of the world population is right handed. So if a person is right handed, his stronger side is the right side. A right handed person who has a personal preference for something will describe that something and emphasize his points by moving his right hand during the discussion.

When a right handed person wants to shed light on opposing views or not-so-desirable options, he will use the opposite hand, which is essentially is weaker hand. Inversely, a left handed person will use his left hand to describe something he likes and he will shift to his right hand if he has to talk about something that he doesn't like.

It‟s pretty simple – but this little secret is brutally effective in determining if the other person is being sincere when he says that he fully agrees with what you are saying.

For example, if the other person says that he likes your project ideas but he enumerates the benefits of your ideas with his left hand (if he is a right-handed person) you can be sure that there is really some degree of resistance and the other person is simply pretending to agree with what you are saying.

Hand-Rubbing

Remember when we were little kids and we would rub our palms in excitement when we hear that we are about to get something that we really like? Well, this gesture usually does not disappear in adulthood.

The frequency of usage is reduced of course, but adults are just as prone to excitement as kids (or even more so, in some cases). So there you have it – if you see someone rubbing their palms together, then that person is expecting something really nice to happen.

Some of you might be wondering: how can this tidbit be useful anyway? Let me give you some examples.

Let' s say you walked into a swanky new restaurant. The waiter who is assigned to your table is very attentive and he seems very pleased to serve your table. Then at one point he rubs his palms together as he asks you if you want anything else. There it is!

There is positive expectation – and in the context that I gave you, the waiter is probably expecting a nice tip from you.

Now let's say you are a speaker at a big conference in the city. The host of the conference stands up and starts rubbing his hands as he introduces you to the crowd. The hand- rubbing is there for only a few seconds, but you were inquisitive and observant enough to catch it. What does it mean?

Obviously, the host of the conference is excited to have you on board as a speaker. Second, the host is probably communicating to you that everyone is expecting a dynamite performance from you and that you shouldn't disappoint them with something plain and boring.

The speed at which a person is rubbing his hands is also an indicator of intent. Here's a good example. Let‟s say you were looking for a brand new car. The salesman (who appears to be very knowledgeable) guides you through the whole showroom and presents the most popular cars.

If you ask the car salesman about the best car for your budget, watch out if he rubs his hands. If he rubs his hands quickly, then you are in the clear. A quick hand-rub means the other person has positive intentions and that the benefit of the action will be for you.

However, if the other person is slowly rubbing his hands as he presents something to you, you can be sure that he will be receiving a benefit as well.

Clenching the Hands Together

Like the palm-rub, clenching both hands during a conversation also has its own signification. Generally, a person who is clenching his hands even if the rest of his gestures or expression is extremely confident is usually experiencing some form of anxiety or fear.

This gesture can also be viewed as a barrier gesture – the person is trying to hold in some of his thoughts and emotions as he is talking with another person or a whole group of people. This gesture can also be analyzed as a way to disagree with another person's ideas.

The clenched hand gesture does not produce any positive connotations whatsoever. When a person does this, it's always negative. So if you are talking to an important person, don’t clench your hands because it's very defensive and quite frankly it doesn't really add anything good to your own effort to project a credible and confident person.

What other things does the clenched hand reveal about people? Here are some quick tidbits:

1. The clenched hand gesture shows frustration, particularly when a person is forced to deal with a very difficult negotiation. Stalemates can produce white knuckles after having been clenched for far too long. Restraint does come with a price – because during negotiations, the last thing that you want to show is you are about to fly off the handle.

2. This gesture also reveals that the person himself is thinking that he is not credible enough or convincing enough during the conversation. Take note that by "conversation" I refer to any face to face social interaction that requires literal proximity (not video conferences, etc.) Face-to-face conversations can have a bigger impact on a person and his deeply-rooted anxieties can emerge when he feels that he is not on the winning side anymore.

3. The clenched hand gesture can be done in three ways. The person can hold his hand near his face (method # 1) or he can place his clenched hands flat on the table (method # 2).
And then there‟s the last option, which is to place the clenched hands near the zipper area (method # 3). Regardless of the positioning of the clenched hands, the signification of the gesture remains the same.

Projecting Power

The basic steeple gesture

If the clenched hands gesture shows the other person that you are anxious about something, the steeple gesture shows the direct opposite.

It shows that you are very confident about what you are saying and what you are doing and because of this, you are a force to be reckoned with. It has been observed that the steeple gesture is used most frequently by thinkers (i.e. master chess players) and natural power players (i.e. administrators, managers, business folk, etc.).

This gesture is usually performed when a person has to give directions or orders to someone else. The steeple signifies not only self-confidence but superiority over others.

Should you use the steeple gesture, at all? You can use it if you are in the presence of people who are formally below you in terms of formal hierarchy.

For example, if you are an office administrator and you are holding a meeting, you can use this gesture sparingly to remind others that you are indeed a boss and your ideas and recommendations should be considered.

On the other hand, if you want to convince someone don’t use this gesture because you will come across as arrogant in some instances.

If you have to persuade someone, the best way to go about it is to create an equalizing atmosphere so that the other person will respect you and at the same time, will consider you as an equal.

The steeple is a key gesture during negotiations or presentations. People usually perform the steeple toward the end of a negotiation. However, it is just a main hook for the cluster of gestures that would follow.

People never stick to a single gesture because they need to express themselves completely, too. So here‟s the technique: when the other person starts using the steeple gesture, check the other gestures in the cluster.
If the other gestures are positive then the only thing left to do is to formally ask the other person for permission to carry out the idea, get the product, etc. Positive body language after the steeple gesture means the other person was indeed persuaded.

Negative body language after a steeple gesture on the other hand means the other person is not interested in what you have said and he doesn't want to say yes at all.

So if you are offering an idea to your boss and he begins to "steeple" and he begins to cross his arms, too, then you can be sure that he's not impressed with what you have said so far. Respond to the body language adequately and you will most likely get the results that you want.

How To Subliminally Influence Someone With Breathing

August 12, 2012 0 comments

Breathing is of utmost importance to communicators! People don’t know that the nexus of their power as communicators lies not in their vocal chords but in their lungs. Proper breathing during conversations and presentations can really have wonderful, positive impact on the way you influence people. Now, how can one breathe better even when one has to talk to people for long periods of time?

The secret of great breathing during active speech is breathing from the stomach. You may have heard of martial arts masters who advocate deep, rhythmic breathing – they were right.

The better you breathe the more creative and energetic you become. You have to remember that without adequate oxygen, the brain cannot function well. You need to feed the brain the only fuel it really needs – oxygen!

If you haven’t paid much attention to how you have been breathing these past few years, it’s time to do a personal checkup. Observe how you breathe right now. Is your chest the prime mover whenever you breathe in? If it is the prime mover, then you are doing shallow chest breathing.

That means you are not using the full capacity of your lungs when you’re talking. To counter this bad breathing pattern, visualize that you have a balloon in your stomach and this balloon is inflating whenever you breathe.

Transfer the effort of breathing in and breathing out to this balloon so that your diaphragm will take care of the changes in the air pressure. The chest should only be the secondary mover during inhalation and exhalation.

Also, try to keep your back straight so your abdominal region will be free to expand and contract when you’re breathing. Also, remember to breathe through your nose.

The nose was designed to clean the air that is entering the lungs. Breathing through the nose also helps people breathe more deeply, even during rigorous exercise.

Choose the In-Breath

We all know that we inhale and exhale all the time. But did you know that you can actually utilize the regular movement of air from your lungs to speak more convincingly?

Most people talk when they are exhaling air from their lungs. The result? They feel tired and weary almost immediately after a few minutes. This is the normal consequence if you speak during the out-breath because the body loses even more oxygen when you speak (the lungs are forced to let go of more air).

To illustrate how the in-breath and the out- breath affects your thinking, I’d like you to do a little exercise form. I want you to imagine a red apple. Now, during an exhalation, I want you to describe that apple for me. Take note of the appearance of the apple in your mind’s eye.

Take notes if you have to. After that, I want you to inhale and do the same. What did you notice about the appearance of the same imagined apple in your mind’s eye?

Did the appearance of the apple change during the in-breath? Nine times out of ten, you probably saw a dark and wrinkled apple during the out-breath and a fresh, crisp apple during the in-breath.

There are some variations in the appearance but most people would say that the imaginary apple looked its best during the in-breath. The reason for this is that during the in-breath we feel fresh, relaxed and creative because the brain is receiving lots of oxygen. That’s what we want to tap into when you are expressing yourself.

Rhythmic breathing from the stomach can really bring out your best ideas and your best body language. Also, you need to start talking during the in-breath. It might take some practice, but you will be able to do it naturally after a short period of time.

Talking during the in-breath will ensure that your ideas and body language will be excellent during a conversation or presentation. When you start talking during the in-breath, you will feel good and your audience will see that you are relaxed and confident about what you are saying.

Eventually, you will be able to establish rapport or harmony with your audience. Your audience will begin to match your movements and even your breathing pattern.

This mirroring is unconscious or subliminal in nature. Your audience won’t even know that they are copying the way you breathe!

A Crash Course in Body Language, Part 2

May 25, 2012 0 comments

Body language provides an estimated 50% to 70% of the totality of human expressions. We speak not only with our words but also with our facial expressions, hand gestures, postures, etc.

Only a handful knows this but we are actually revealing more about ourselves through our body language than through our words. Verbal language is very controlled and it actually requires more cognitive resources than body language.

A person can tell the truth or try to deceive other people through verbal language because often, it springs from the conscious or waking half of the human mind. It’s different when it comes to body language.

I am not saying that we do not have any control over our body language but if you are feeling a negative emotion or if you are thinking of something bad about your audience, these ill thoughts and emotions will manifest in your body language and it would be very difficult indeed to control your expressions.

As an influencer, you have to exert extra effort to make sure that your body language is positive and effective all the time. That is what we are going to focus on today – we are going to explore the various ways that you can express good body language in any situation so you can get the results that you want.

Expert body language tips

Avoid putting your fingers or your hand anywhere near your mouth when you are talking. Some people think that putting their hand near their mouth is a sign of deep thinking or seriousness but in reality, it is a variation of the mouth-cover gesture.

The mouth-cover gesture first emerges when a person is in toddlerhood and continues into adulthood, albeit in a more toned down appearance. Do you remember how kids usually react when they are caught doing something that they should not be doing?

The usual reaction is usually to put their fingers near their mouths. It is an instinctual gesture that is believed to be the mind’s reaction to a lie. The fingers are put up there to prevent the mouth from speaking a fallacy.

In adulthood, this gesture is slightly modified. Only one or two fingers are brought up near the mouth when someone is speaking something that is only partially true or may not be the whole truth.

Never place your hands below the navel area when you are speaking. The horizontal plane below the navel is a gray area and is never used to express anything sincere or good.

To prove this, try saying “I care for you” while your hands are below the navel area. Then try saying “I care for you” while raising your hands at navel area. How did your words feel when you changed the position of your hands?

There are times when we feel that we need to express genuineness and sincerity to our audience. How can you express sincerity with just your body language?

The easiest way to do this is to gesture from the level of the navel. The navel area has been traditionally touted as the center of a person’s internal power and balance.

Gesturing from this region gives people a feeling of calm and authority that would otherwise be hard to feel especially if the speaker is feeling nervous or agitated about something. You could say that this area will give you an unlimited amount of calm and sincerity when you need to speak.

If you need to increase or decrease the intensity or excitement of what you are saying, all you have to do is to gesture from the chest are. Gesturing below the chest area lowers the intensity of what you are saying while raising it at the level of the heart or above it also raises the intensity of your expressions.

For maximum intensity, you can raise your arms above your head – but I have to warn you that this gesture is usually not acceptable in formal meetings so use it sparingly. Most messages can be conveyed with a simple gesture from the chest area, for added impact.

Never try to fake your body language – because your body doesn’t like telling lies. Even if you are able to fake smiles or laughter, your body will be sending out micro signals through your eyes and even through the color of your skin to reveal what you are really thinking and feeling deep down.

Inversely you can try catching deceit by double checking all of the body language signals that are being sent out by a subject. Do not be deceived by smiling or laughter because there are other ways to spot if the other person is not being completely truthful to you.

When explaining something to people, gesture often with open palms. The open palm is used to signify two things: one, you are not a threat and two, you are being honest.

When the palms are hidden from plain sight, the impression is that you are hiding something or you are not telling the truth. In ancient times, the concealed palm is synonymous with a concealed weapon and this can easily breed mistrust between people. Gesturing with an open palm is also an excellent way to establish rapport with your audience since your aura will be honest and open.

Handshakes are often used to signify authority and social status. The fastest way to influence another person is to make the other person feel that you are of equal social status or you have done what you can to raise his socials status.

How can this be expressed through a simple handshake? When you reach out to shake someone’s hand, make sure that you palm is parallel to his palm. The intensity of the shake should be firm but not crushing. Two to three pumps is good.

If the other person has a weak grip, lower the intensity of your shaking. If his hand feels limp (a sign that he feels subdued or inferior), correct the position of his hand immediately with your other hand and say “Let’s try that again” and shake his hand.

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