This is important. When it comes to influencing and persuading others, there are levels of key players. The higher the key player, the more at stake for you.
Somewhere in the world there is a key player that could help take your life to the next level.
In this video, I'm going to share a few simple steps to networking with key players or influential people.
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How many times have you walked into a negotiation and promised yourself you would come out on top only to get duped once again?
In this video, I'm going to share five simple steps to prevent this from happening.
Negotiation is a natural part of life that is occurring all the time on many levels. Sooner or later you’re going to have to negotiate something. Whether it’s a low-stake scenario like getting a late payment fee waived or something big like an investment deal, it’s going to happen. So you might as well get good at it. This post will serve as your “prep-work”. It will give you the tools you need to walk into a negotiation with your best foot forward.
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Preparation in the negotiation process is very important. Just as you would never engage in any competition without first preparing, you must take the proper action to ensure you know what you’re doing at the negotiation table.
Be Yourself - Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. It will make you uncomfortable and the other party will pick up on it.
Identify Your Style - Don’t take on a style that is not natural to you. If you are naturally laid back then stick to that. If you are naturally energetic and charismatic then stick to that,
Be Consistent - It’s important that you stick to whatever path you choose in negotiation or you will appear indecisive.
Set Your Goal - Decide what is it that you really want. Never step into a negotiation without knowing what your really desire.
Get Ultra Specific - Write down your goal/target & bring it to the negotiation table.
Set Your Expectations High But Realistic - Aiming higher than usual will provide you with breathing room. Plus you never get what you don’t ask for.
Make It Justifiable - Ensure your goal is justifiable or the other party will write it off.
Practice Active Listening - Learn to master the art of listening to others. Listening enables you to read people, creates rapport & allows you to adapt.
Don’t Lie or Mislead - Never provide any false information or statements that you believe will cause the other party to agree.
“Leverage - To use (something) to maximum advantage”. Leverage is all around you. You must take the time to properly identify people, information or resources that will increase your chances of getting the best result possible.
Asses Social Landscape - Carefully identify context of the situation, environment, relationship status and norms of the negotiation. And be prepared to act in accordance with them.
Provide Proof/Evidence - Always be able to provide proof or evidence that supports your case for your expectations.
Gather intelligence - Visualize the negotiation in your mind and think about what the other party may say or what proof they may bring to support their case.
Identify The Best Audience - If possible, try to negotiate in the presence of an audience or party that you know will support your case.
Time is a precious commodity. It also has the power to destroy a negation in and of itself. It’s important that you don’t waste it.
Find The Decision Maker - Don’t waste your time trying to negotiate with someone who is not in the position to make the final decision.
Utilize Mutual Benefit - Position your goals with mutual benefit to the other party. Spending too mach time talking about what’s in it for you will create resistance.
Identify Objections - Figure out what common objections the other party may have against your case and be prepared to overcome them.
Identify Low Cost Concessions - If you cannot overcome an objection and/or must make a concession, look for low cost concessions or things that will not deplete you of resources.
The better you are at controlling the climate of the negotiation the better the chances are of you getting what you want.
Identify The Losing Side - Identify the side which has the most to lose if no deal is made. If it’s the other party then utilize that if it’s you, have some low cost concessions ready.
Identify Time Constraints - Identify any time constraints or circumstances that would cause the dealt not get done.
Identify control factors - Find any factors that you could gain control over that the other party would need and use as a concession if necessary.
Identify allies - Are there any allies that could be used to effectively support your position. If so, find them.
What you have here is a perfect prep list for entering any negotiation.
If you’d like to know the 3 steps you must follow to position yourself to win once you're actually in a negotiation, then check out The Maverick Negotiation Quick Start Pack.
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Hypnotic Language is one of the most powerful forms of persuasion on the planet. It utilizes the core concepts of hypnosis which are designed to direct the thoughts of another person to your desired direction. Only instead of using the techniques in a therapeutic setting, you're simply using them to be more persuasive. The thing is, there's a very fine line between persuasion and manipulation. In fact, the only difference between the two is the intention of the end user. When dealing with something as powerful and effective as hypnotic language, things can go from persuasive to manipulative very fast so you need to really be cognizant of how you use the techniques.
That being said, there's a formula or "blueprint" as I like to call it when using hypnotic language and in this blog post I'm going to share it with you.
Ready?
OK let's go.
The following techniques can be used out of order, when appropriate. However, hypnotic language when used in everyday conversation typically follows a particular procedure and order, as indicated below. It is recommended that you start by following the ensuing stages of hypnotic persuasion in order, one at a time, gradually advancing from one stage to the next. After you have practiced all these techniques and experienced some success with them, then you may be prepared to mix up the order and method that you use.
Step 1: Assess The Hypnotic Landscape
Before attempting to persuade someone using hypnotic language, you should ensure that hypnosis is necessary or even beneficial for yourself and for them. Begin by asking in a non-confrontational way about the issue or issues that concern you. If you are looking for a raise, ask your boss about the raise schedule, or his or her evaluation of your performance. If you are trying to convince a co-worker to cover a shift for you, ask him or her about their upcoming schedule, or whether they have been getting enough hours of late.
Ask yourself, how far is this person from agreeing with you? Is there a logical or explicit way that you might be able to reason with them or convince them to think or behave in the way that you desire? Is it necessary for you to resort to alternate methods of persuasion to get what you want from them? How badly to you desire the outcome you are seeking? If all your answers to these questions point to the use of hypnosis, move ahead to Step 2.
Step 2: Assess Emotional and Psychological Preparedness
If you have determined that persuasion using hypnotic language is necessary, you now must determine if it is advisable. To determine this, ask yourself if there is any emotional or psychological benefit to hypnosis for the person you are attempting to persuade.
The benefits of hypnosis are many and varied, of course. Hypnosis is widely recognized as an effective means of achieving relaxation and perspective in the face of stress and anxiety. Hypnosis can also help a person divert attention away from distracting or troubling things. These benefits alone may be sufficient to justify the use of hypnotic language.
Before proceeding, ask yourself what you know about the psychological and emotional state of the person you are looking to hypnotize. Is this person currently distressed, or at risk of becoming distressed? Will being hypnotized be a threatening experience for this person? Are they desirous of increased relaxation or mental and emotional distance from their concerns and problems? Furthermore, will they benefit from thinking or doing what you’d like to persuade them to either think or do? If all signs point to positive effects of hypnosis, you may proceed to the next step.
Step 3: Forge The Connection
Using soothing words, passively voiced sentences, and soft vowels and consonants, speak in a manner that will help to calm and relax your conversation partner. Speak in a low and nonthreatening tone. Repeat some of the phrases or words that your conversation partner says, to communicate with him or her that you are both on the same page.
You may wish to supplement this with body language or behavioral mirroring. Take on a posture or sitting position that emulates your conversation partner’s. Reflect his or her facial expressions or tone of voice, but do so in a way that isn’t overly exaggerated or obvious.
Avoid speaking rapidly, or about any unpleasant topics. Ask your conversation partner about enjoyable experiences or topics thatinterest them, but do so in a low energy, slow fashion that will discourage them from getting excited.
Step 4: Initiative Seductive Active Listening
When you speak to your conversation partner, you do not want to dominate the conversation too heavily. This may elicit boredom or leave your conversation partner feeling ignored or alienated, which is a surefire way to put them on the psychological defensive. At the same time, you do not want your conversation partner to be speaking too frequently, too rapidly, or with too much emotion. Excited, lively conversation will pull your conversation partner away from a relaxed state. It will also give them a sense of agency and control, which is not amenable to hypnotic influence.
Instead, listen and guide the conversation. Make soft, but noticeable verbal and physical signs that indicate your attention and interest. Say “hmmm” or “ahh” when your conversation partner speaks about something calming or pleasant. Give your conversation partner the sense that you are drinking in their words. Ask slow, contemplative questions about what they mean or what they feel. As you do so, make heavy, relaxed eye contact. Let your conversation partner stare into your eyes and feel soothed by how receptive you are to their words.
Step 5: Direct the Conversation
As you speak with the person you would like to hypnotize, maintain subtle control of the conversation. If the participant drifts away from the subject desired, pull them back in with a thought-provoking question or interesting fact or note. Do so gently, with a voice that is not forceful or intimidating. Merely reel your conversation partner back into the topic you’d like to persuade them on. If your conversation partner becomes agitated, or becomes focused on a persistent worry or something negative, steer the conversation to something completely different, pleasant, and calming. Never let the conversation veer into negative territory, and do not allow the participant to speak at length about their disagreement with you, or why they cannot do what you’d like from them.
Step 6: Assume a Positive Outcome
People frequently behave in the manner expected of them. If you give your conversation partner lots of small indications that you expect them to do what you desire, they may slip into meeting your expectations without much conflict. Do not ask your conversation partner directly to engage in the desired behavior, or inquire about the specific belief that you are trying to change. Instead, frame the discussion as if they have already agreed with you, and now you are just hammering out specifics.
If your conversation partner responds with discomfort or confusion, lead the conversation away from the issue where you disagree. Ask them about something pleasant that has happened to them, or tell them an anecdote about a subject that you know is soothing to them. Return them to a state of apparent calm, where their breathing is slowed and the conversation is easy. You may choose to disengage from the conversation temporarily if persuasion is proving difficult.
Step 7: Engineer Agreement
Using positive language, pleasant behavior, and encouraging nonverbal actions, slowly shape your conversation partner’s behavior and speech in your desired direction. When they disagree with you or seem anxious, redirect conversational attention, or withdraw from the conversation completely. Conversely, when they are in an agreeable, helpful, or passive state, reward and encourage your conversation partner by speaking slowly and calmly about soothing topics, using soft sounding words and a passive voice.
Over time, you will find that you can subtly manipulate your conversation partner into entering a hypnotic state with increasingease. After habitually directing and shaping your conversations in this way, you will effectively “train” both yourself and your conversation partner, so that every conversation you engage in together leads down a path of mutual understanding, psychological openness, and emotional calmness.
Tips and Tricks
The core techniques and key terms listed above are, strictly speaking, all you should need to induce hypnotic states of focus and calmness in a receptive conversation partner. However, learning the ropes of these techniques may prove tricky at first. It can be unclear where you should begin, or what effective persuasion and hypnotic language “looks like”. Here are some quick tips and tricks for increased success.
Begin with a familiar conversation partner who is relatively easy to persuade on some matters. Getting early positive results is encouraging!
Persuasion and hypnotic inducement is much easier in a familiar setting that you have control over. So test out your techniques by inviting a friend or family member over to your house for dinner, or bring a co-worker into your office or workspace!
Practice meditation or mindfulness exercises so that you can regulate your own emotions and anxiety. Self-hypnosis may help you to attain an external state of calmness, which will help soothe the people around you.
Practice self-hypnosis on a regular basis, so that you can recall what being hyper-focused, alert, and calm feels like.
Approach each persuasion attempt with a sense of gratitude and peace. If you are frustrated with your conversation partner at the outset, or if you are desperate to “win” the interaction, you will not be able to make them feel safe or ease.
Ask your conversation partner about their day, their interests, their family, and their work. Locate the topics that make their eyes “light up” with enthusiasm. This will not only help you better develop the soothing topics to use when speaking with this person, it will immediately make them enjoy speaking to you more as well.
So you can learn our exact step by step process for using hypnotic language to persuade others.
Having an alliance or "power network" is a complete game changer in terms of influence.
It allows you to multiply your sphere of influence because you have a team of people ready, willing and able to comply with & support you.
This doesn't happen by accident.
In fact, there are 10 specific characteristics that you must have in order for someone to
even consider becoming part of your alliance.
Good News: I put together an Alliance Building Checklist that will reveal all ten and show you why they're important.
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In terms of influence and persuasion, the biggest “needle-mover” is having an alliance or network of people that support you. When done right, it’s something that can literally pay dividends over and over for the rest of your life. One solid relationship could mean access to tons of money, resources and other connections.
Now imagine having multiple relationships like this. This is what we call an alliance. It’s a network of people ready, willing and able to help you. There are certain key attributes that you must exhibit when starting to build your alliance.
They include:
Authenticity - In order for anyone to support you, you must first get their attention. The easiest way to gain attention is by zigging when everyone else is zagging. In other words, be authentic and different. This allows you to rise above the noise and get the attention of the power players you need to build your alliance.
Credibility - Other than con-artists, manipulators and criminals, no one wants to do business with, support or be associated with people who aren’t credible. If you say you’re going to do something do it. If you stand for something, stand whole-heartedly for it.
Indispensability - This is a big one. You need to make yourself indispensable or irreplaceable so that people never think of stopping their support for you you or even worse choosing your competitors over you. There are countless way to do this but they all circle back to providing immense value. I achieve this by making it my business to become someone’s “secret weapon”. In other words, I provide so much value for that person that it changes their life for the better in some way and then I let them take the credit for it.
Likability/Authority - Tony Robbins once said that people are persuaded by people that they like or want to be like. In other words, we will comply with people either because we feel a connection to them in some way and like them as a person or because we aspire to be like them or want to achieve something they have already done. You can go either way with this. You can focus on creating like-ability or authority. Of course, combining both only magnifies your power even more.
Congruency - In order for people to trust and support you, it’s important that everything you do be congruent. This includes your opinions, stances, messages or products and services. If you’re opinions, stances or teaches are different than your actions, you destroy your credibility.
Consistency - Consistency is key in your ability to form a solid alliance. You need to be consistent in your communication with others or they will forget about you. Consistency also adds to your credibility because someone who is consistent appears as someone who keeps their word and commitments.
Relevancy - You must remain relevant to the key players in your alliance or you will slip through the cracks. The most effective way to do this is to consistency provide value. There may come a point where the things that you consider valuable are no longer valuable to them. To combat this and stay relevant, speak about the the stuff they are interested in and/or the stuff they feel they DO need. Then once you gain credibility and trust by providing value, introduce them to new concepts ie. the product they don't know they need yet.
Reputability - People not only want to know that you are credible based on the fact that you do what you say you will but they also want to hear that from other people. This not only further solidifies your credibility but it also integrates an element of social proof which causes people to like and trust you simply because they see that other people do.
Connectivity - To build an alliance of any kind, you need to be connected to various networks. People in your alliance need to feel that their connection to you is valuable because you can connect them to other people.
Persuasiveness - Let’s face it. Persuasion is everything. You could have all the attributes on this list but without the ability to persuade others to believe that you have them, they serve no purpose. It’s important that you understand how people are persuaded so you can craft your offers and proposals in such a way that people say “yes” to them.
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Handshakes are not a modern invention. Tribes of ancient times used them. The Romans used them. The Greeks used them. And yes, we use them today.
Simply put: the handshake has been there for as long as the human race remembers.
Since this gesture is not going away any time soon, we need to make sure that you understand the various nuances of this hand-pumping gesture. Back in the day, the Romans clasped the forearm whenever they wanted to greet someone.
There was a practical use for this somewhat odd gesture: people routinely checked if the other person was hiding a dagger or blade on his forearm. A single strong shake can help a person determine whether or not the other person is armed or not.
When the aristocracy rose and trade was booming, the handshake was transformed into a gesture that sealed business transactions. People shook hands when an agreement has been reached and goods/money was about to be traded between two or more people.
Some handshakes are worse than others. In fact there are handshakes that never contribute to a person’s credibility. First impressions last, and these handshakes create a lasting negative impression on people so avoid them at all cost.
Here they are:
The limp, clammy handshake never impresses.
No one likes the idea of shaking hands with a person who seems to have just finished washing the dishes. Sweat is a big turn off in the world of social graces and the handshake is too essential to be ruined by sweat.
A sweaty palm does not only appear unhygienic but it also signals something much worse: that the person with the clammy handshake has weak character. If you want to exude confidence, your handshake has to communicate that as well.
Important Note: the Clammy Handshake is considered disagreeable in most Western countries like the USA, Canada, etc. However, in some countries in Asia, a firm grip during a handshake is generally avoided because it can actually offend people.
The best strategy when you are in a foreign country is to simply match the grip strength of the other person. Also, carry a handkerchief that you can use to wipe away sweat from your palms when you know full well that you are going to shake hands with important people.
A little too tight?
The tight handshake is usually done by two types of people: power players and people with low self-confidence. People with low self-confidence usually shake hands in this manner because they are often afraid that the other person might become too dominant.
The tight handshake is performed in this manner:
The initiator offers a palm-down hand
He takes the other hand and makes a downward pump once
Three strong pumps are given before the initiator lets go of the other hand
Interested in shaking hands with a wrench? Me neither. And neither are other people.
Handshakes are meant to transmit confidence and credibility – not pain. People who routinely use the Wrench Handshake should not be surprised that their handshake can actually draw blood if the other person has a ring on.
The Wrench Handshake is the choice weapon of the blindly aggressive individual who wants nothing more than to appear ‘on top’ of things wherever he is.
Unfortunately, this kind of handshake only causes shock and people who have had the misfortune of having to endure this type of handshake will only have a negative impression of the initiator.
People who like the Wrench Handshake will usually grab the other person’s hand without warning and grip it so tightly during the hand pump movement that the other person will have no chance at all to control the handshake.
If you’re a woman and you are about to meet a lot of businessmen, I suggest that you take off any ring that you might have on before shaking hands. You never know when an errant bone-crusher might come along to ruin your day with a senseless and awful handshake.
Since it would be quite difficult to control a sudden Wrench Handshake from someone you barely (or don’t) know, the one thing that you can do to is to respond to the bone-crushing grip with a statement like “That actually hurt. You have some grip.”
Statements like these are not meant to be offensive but are designed to catch the attention of the errant hand-shaker. Your statement will serve as a warning so he will not repeat the awful handshake.
The finger-grab handshake usually happens when a man is introduced to a woman or vice versa. What happens is either one of the two parties involved makes a miscalculation when the handshake is imitated. When the miscalculation takes place, one party commits the error of grabbing the other party’s fingertips instead of the palm/whole hand.
A limp and weird handshake results from all the finger-grabbing that takes place. Why does this handshake occur? Apart from the miscalculation of the distance, there are two other possible reasons why this type of handshake takes place:
The initiator of the handshake has low self-confidence
The initiator has a much bigger personal space allowance than the recipient
If Person A has a personal space allowance of just two feet while Person B has a personal space allowance of three feet, the two hands will fail to connect properly.
If this happens to you, here’s what you can do:
1.) Step closer to the other person.
2.) Gently hold the outstretched hand with your opposite hand and place it on your ‘shaking’ hand.
3.) Say “Let’s try this again!”. Make sure that you do it with a positive tone of voice and a quick smile.
4.) Pump the other person’s hand.
This act shows the other person that he is equally important as you and you are equals. There is no need for any power play at all if you receive this kind of handshake.
To create a lasting positive impression on the other person you have to show him/her that you consider him/her as an equal and not a subordinate
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The Push-Back Handshake can be commonly seen when politicians and world leaders appear on television and they want to appear that they are happy to see each other (even if in reality, they really don’t). The Push-Back Handshake is a poor handshake because there is unnecessary movement and force involved.
Whenever there is unnecessary force involved, the credibility projected by a handshake is reduced significantly because the balance of power between the two parties involved is disturbed.
The Push-Back Handshake is performed this way:
One party holds out his hand to be shaken.
The errant shaker grabs the hand firmly and pushes back.
The outstretch forearm is pushed back and the elbow bends.
The errant shaker’s arm remains straight during the hand pump movement.
Why do people do this? The most common reason is some people need more personal space than others. When the Push-Back Handshake is performed, the errant shaker is telling the other person to back off, because he feels that his personal space is being invaded.
The direct opposite of the Push-Back Handshake is the Pull-In Handshake. The Pull-In Handshake is more popular than the Push-Back Handshake because it produces a more intimidating (and therefore more sinister) effect.
When a person gets pulled in by another person during a handshake they are taken away from their comfort zone/personal space and they are forced into the private territory of the power player. Once this happens, the other person is symbolically dominated by the power player.
Here are some other reasons why some people choose to use the Pull-In Handshake:
The person performing the Pull-In Handshake has self-confidence issues and does not feel comfortable reaching out to another person during a handshake.
The person comes from a local or foreign culture that requires a very small personal space during handshakes.
The person likes it when the other person seems off-balance. This is another way of dominating another person during handshakes.
Anything, if done in excess, can cause malaise. The same holds true for handshakes. The Overzealous Handshake reduces a person’s projected credibility because it forces longer physical contact than necessary.
When a person performs the Overzealous Handshake, he continuously pumps the other person’s hand (there may even be a rhythm in the pumping motion) as if he was trying to draw out water from a manual water pump.
Sometimes an overzealous shaker will cease from continuously (and rhythmically) pumping the other person’s hand; however, he may choose to hold the other person’s hand after the handshake. Again, this prolonged contact is bad because it weakens the other party’s motivation to pull away from the strange handshake.
As you can imagine, the Bunch of Carrots handshake is a bit like being handed some dried and heavy vegetables. The shaker’s hands may not be sweaty or clammy, but the hand is sluggish during the handshake and the other person’s will seem lazy or uninterested during the handshake as well.
Pardon the somewhat dramatic title for this handshake, but it really does seem that two titans are actually fighting when this handshake combination is carried out.
The Clash of the Titans handshake is performed when one person uses a Pull-In Handshake while the other person resists the movement by performing a Push-Back Handshake.
Both parties will not move from their own personal spaces and each will try to outdo each other. What results is a somewhat strained position for both people.
The person on the left would most likely be using a pushing motion while the other one will be using a pulling motion to force the person on the left out of his comfort zone. If you see this kind of handshake, it is possible that there is some degree of animosity between the two individuals performing this very aggressive handshake.
IMPORTANT NOTE: Reading body language is a double edged sword. It's easy and accurate because we communicate through body language most of time. It's natural and very difficult to fake. The caveat id that it can become difficult or inaccurate if you read signs the wrong way.
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Have you ever found yourself trying to persuade someone of something that you know is absolutely true but the other person doesn't believe you?
You tell them the sky is blue. They say it isn't.
You tell them if they jump into water they'll get wet. They say they won't.
We call these types of people "non-believers" and they are among the most difficult people to persuade. It is possible however to get them to see things differently and in this video I share my strategy for doing so.
Covert influence is often the best type of influence because your target doesn't realize that you're influencing them.
Keep in mind, when doing this that you should always use it to create win-win situations that are mutually beneficial to both parties.
That being said, I would like to share some simple steps to covertly influencing others.
Watch the video and feel free to leave a comment.
The Deception Code consists of a five step process that gives you a close to 95% accuracy rate in detecting deception. In this video I share the first step which is to gather intelligence and establish a baseline.
This is where most trainings on this topic miss the mark. They show you how to read people but that's it.
They don't talk about the importance of establishing a baseline or a set of natural behaviors that your targets exhibits so that you can compare them to how they act under stress or interrogation.
For details on the full training go to: http://deceptioncode.com/
Watch the video and leave a comment.
The worst thing that could happen to you when you are trying to persuade someone is for that person to say “no” to everything that you say. And let’s face it – there are many individuals who are experts in saying no to people.
Don’t worry – there is actually a language pattern that can help you win in this kind of situation. This hypnotic language pattern focuses on reducing the resistance of the subject to your ideas by forcing agreement at every turn.
How does this work? Well, think about it: people generally don’t like it when people disagree with them. With the agreement pattern, you will agree with a point while at the same time adding your point at the end.
The hypnotic language pattern itself is quite simple:
“I agree with (A) and would add (B)”
This pattern only has three essential elements but it is an extremely powerful pattern that can be used in a variety of situations (like the redefining pattern).
Here’s a quick example:
“I agree that this new product is pricier than its counterparts and would like to add that it has extremely useful features that are not offered by any of the existing competitors”
You can also combine the redefining pattern and the agreement pattern to create an ultra- persuasive pattern that will really grip your subject.
“I agree that this new product is pricier than its counterparts and would like to add that the issue here is not the price of the product but how much time it will save you and how much more profit you are going to generate by using it which I may add is being offered at 30% discount to you right now”
You might be wondering: does this mean that I have to say yes to everything that the other person says?
Well, you do have to agree with the other person but you don’t have to agree with anything he has said that you don’t like. Or you can just agree with something else just so you can include the agreement pattern in your dialog.
If you don’t agree with anything that the person has just said, you can always just agree that he just said something to you.
This may sound a little odd but it can work.
Here’s an example: “I agree that you have just lambasted my business and would add that only someone with the least amount of professional experience would say that”.
A lot of people would react to the fact that I just called someone an amateur with that statement. What good would the agreement pattern do if I just questioned someone’s professional experience?
Well, it’s still better to agree with people than to disagree with them. People are universally hardwired to get along with others who agree with them (even if the agreement doesn’t benefit them at all).
Agreement frames are excellent during arguments and heated debates because it actually defuses other people’s defenses automatically. If someone agrees with you, your brain will automatically lower its defenses.
But if someone disagrees with you, all your logical and creative defenses are up and you are ready to fight tooth and nail to defend your position (even if it is wrong).
That’s just how the human brain works. It’s not manipulation or being a controlling person at all. We’re just taking advantage of the fact that people love hearing agreement.
Under normal circumstances, people don’t usually need to point out that someone lacks professional experience (or competence, at that).
Most of the time, you just have to show the other person that there is another way of viewing or analyzing a particular issue:
“I agree that you just disagreed with my point earlier about real fur coats and I would add that there are many ways of analyzing the fur trade issue and your take is just one of many”
You have to be careful when using “but” and “and” in your agreement pattern sentences.
Normally what people do is they agree with someone and follow up their agreement with a “but”. The word “but” is universally understood in the English-speaking world as a sign of disagreement.
There are rules of positives and negatives. When you combine a negative element and positive element the result will always be negative.
Therefore, if you say something nice in the beginning but you follow that up with the word “but” the recipient of the message will automatically know that you are about to disagree with them.
It doesn’t matter how nice you were when you said the affirmative/supportive part of the statement. You are still clearly disagreeing with the other person because you used “but”.
Now compare the impact of a statement that uses the word “and” instead of “but”:
Statement # 1
“I agree that the new project is over-budget but I would like to add that everyone was doing everything they can to stay within the budget”
Statement # 2
“I agree that the new project is over-budget and would like to add that everyone was doing everything they can to stay on budget”
Notice that the second statement was affirmative throughout. The first statement sounded like it was making an excuse for being over-budget. No one likes excuses.
An excuse often feels like a slap to the face which is why it is universally disliked.
Would you want to sound like you were trying to make an excuse while you were trying to persuade someone? Most probably not – so as much as possible avoid using but when using the agreement pattern.
Some of you might be thinking: the agreement pattern is nice, but is there any way to vary the outcome without reducing the impact of this hypnotic language pattern? There are some variations that you may want to try:
1.“I almost agree with what you said and would add that...”
2.“I do not completely agree with all of the points that you have just raised and...”
3.“I agree with almost all of the things that you have said and would add that...”
4.“I completely agree that you said ___________ and would add that...”