Author Archives: Paul Mascetta

Self Schemas Defined

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The human mind thrives on organization. Memories and thoughts are not store haphazardly; there is a system and self-awareness itself uses a particular scheme to store information in a way that will make sense to a person when he is engaged in reflective thought. This scheme is called the self-schema.

A self-schema can be defined in two ways:

  1. A self-schema shows you exactly how you intend to react to specific situations and events.
  2. A self-schema consists of our experiences and traits; specific traits are bound to different events. Our behavior is defined by the way we react to people and situations.

Here are examples of self-schemas:

Person A has always been an introvert (because he has always been a quiet person at school and he keeps to himself most of the time).

He is good at sports (he joined the basketball team in high school and earned an educational scholarship with his basketball prowess).

Person A has always loved Oriental cooking (as evidence by his preference for Chinese and Japanese cuisine).

Take note that we do not code all of traits, tendencies and behaviors in one large schema. We create many schemas in our memory and we use these schemas as needed.

As you can imagine, some self-schemas are more useful and important than other schemas. Some minor schemas are only used in rare occasions (i.e. when a person is required to dance in front of others with a partner; the response to this type of situation is dictated by the particular schema that a person already has about similar experiences).

It is very important to become aware of our self-schemas because these are the internal codes that we refer to when we need to something. Without self-schemas, reflective thought and meaningful interaction with others is simply not possible. When a person is faced with a situation, it is the self-schema that tells the person directly what to do.

Simply put – you cannot escape your own self-schemas any more than you can escape the fact that you have to wake up at one point during the day. It is unavoidable which is why we need to embrace it because you can actually use self-schemas to improve the way you behave or react in different situations.

Four Simple Steps To Leverage Positioning

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Positioning is the way you combine all of your knowledge of influence to actually influence others.

Because as you employ the various theories you have been learning so far, you chisel and sculpt the persona that you project outwardly to people. Think of positioning as the conscious effort to become a person of great influence.

Here are some tips to improve your ability to position yourself when you really need to influence others:

1. Take note of your mannerisms when you are talking to people. Avoid mannerisms that may mirror anxiety to other people. Some people are extremely inquisitive when it comes to other people‟s mannerisms and the best ones can detect if you are really confident or if you are just pretending to be confident.

2. Think genuine or authentic when you are positioning yourself as a person of power or influence. You need to walk and talk the part, literally, when the situation calls for it. You need to communicate that you must be believed. Live and breathe the persona that you want to convey through your body language and vocal communication.

3. Keep your hands moving along with the message – or keep them still. Unnecessary hand movements can also affect your final message. Use your hands to emphasize and wow your audience – not to annoy them because you don‟t care about how you look.

4. People often break bread when they want to talk about extremely important things. If you need to sell something to someone, you try to invite that person to dinner, etc.

If you do this often, make sure that your etiquette and table manners are nothing short of impeccable. If you have to sign up for a short etiquette course (yes, there are actually etiquette courses!), do it.

The Two Types Of Self Awareness

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With the presence of the self comes the realization that we are all distinct individuals with peculiar behaviors, drives and desires. This individuation (which occurs on the most basic levels of human community and interaction) is defined by self-awareness. Self-awareness is like your rear-view and side-view mirrors: it gives you a way to evaluate your own position in relation to others.

With self-awareness, you become more aware of your positionality within specific contexts or situations. It gives you access to true knowledge regarding your own thought patterns and behaviors. Without self-awareness, you will not be able to exert influence over others because influence requires a mastery of the self, primarily, not of others.

Self-awareness plays a very crucial role in the formation of one’s identity, which is the cornerstone of influence in society. Now, does self-awareness emerge along with other natural instincts, like suckling or moving around our arms when feel like we’re falling from a high place?

The answer is no: self-awareness, though it is peculiar to the human species, actually develops over a period of time. Babies are not born with a concept that they are distinct individuals moving

about in an environment with ever changing variables. An old study conducted a few decades ago proved that at the outset, babies will treat their own mirror reflections as other individuals.

However, when babies reached at eighteen months of age, they will begin to react to their reflection in the mirror by performing actions that will validate that they are indeed the ones in the mirror. For example, if you place a red dot on an eighteen month old baby’s nose, that baby will react by touching the red dot on his nose. That single action marks the transition from being ‘just’ a baby to a being a self-ware individual.

Now, why does this happen in the first place? According to studies in neurological science, it appears that the frontal lobe (which is responsible for intentional behavior) begins to develop at an accelerated pace at this age. During adulthood, there is evidence that there is also increased activity in the frontal lobe when a person chooses to be more self-aware.

There are generally two kinds of self-awareness: private self-awareness and public self-awareness. An individual becomes temporarily self-aware about his appearance or actions when he sees himself on a mirror or when he stops to think what he will be doing throughout the day. When a person chooses to engage in private self-awareness, three things happen:

  1. There is a heightened emotional response
  2. There is a more accurate analysis of existing condition
  3. There will be reinforcement of familiar beliefs

Let’s discuss these three consequences. The first consequence revolves around a person’s emotions. If a person is happy when he becomes privately self-aware, the tendency is that he will become even happier. There is a marked intensification of existing emotional states.

Inversely, a depressed individual, upon contemplating his current circumstances, may become even more depressed. A person’s state of mind is affected greatly by self-awareness and contemplation, which is why it’s important to shift out of negative emotional states because negative emotions will only attract more negative emotions.

The second consequence is that a person becomes more aware of what’s happening within himself and without. A person who is privately self-aware will base his analysis on what is truly happening rather than what is being said by others.

There is an increased drive to clarify new and existing knowledge and the person becomes more aware of the variables and conditions in his own situation. The third consequence concerns self-validation more than anything.

A person who is not self-aware will find it easier to change specific behaviors if these behaviors have a negative impact on himself; inversely, if a behavior is proving to be a beneficial behavior, he will continue on the same path.

Self-awareness on the other hand, will allow a person to ‘stick to his guns’ regardless of the impact of the behavior. Normative forces in society will not affect a person’s decision to stick to his behaviors. Influence, therefore, decreases, when a person becomes privately self-aware.

The second kind of self-awareness (based on a person’s positionality) is public self-awareness. Public self-awareness occurs when a person experiences heightened self-consciousness because he can be evaluated by another person or by a group of people (i.e. the media, an audience in a meeting, audience in an academic presentation, etc.)

Anxiety and other negative emotions are common when a person experiences public self-awareness. When you become too self-aware when you have to present something to an audience, your body language and speech will reveal your exact emotions. If you think that you will not look good when you talk to someone or when you present something to a large audience, you become even more anxious and nervous.

During periods of public self-awareness, a person also becomes aware of two different images or projections of himself: the private image (or what he thinks of himself) and the public image (the image seen by others when he is evaluated by the public). There is a big difference between what you think you look like and what others see in you.

If there is a big incongruence between these two images, people tend to think and feel negatively. Public self-awareness, unlike private self-awareness, has a normative impact on people. Public self-awareness can force a person to adhere to certain parameters of acceptable behavior. The kinds of behavior that may be adapted by a public self-aware individual will vary depending on the situation.

Now, it is important to note that it is normal for people to become self-aware at specific situations. There is nothing wrong with self-awareness; in fact, with self-awareness, you can discover more about yourself and you can improve the facets of yourself that have a direct impact on the persona that you are projecting to the public.

However, if you become too self-conscious and you fail to use this ability to reflect on your public image and your behavior, you may have to deal with certain consequences. According to studies, people who have a very high level of private self-awareness are more likely to develop neuroses or psychological problems (i.e. depression) because self-aware people tend to focus on negative aspects of their lives instead of the positive aspects.

Creating an Influential Persona

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When a person wants to influence others, he is essentially creating a distinct identity that will help the person carry out his goal. A distinct portion of this identity is called the persona. What is a persona? The Webster-Merriam Dictionary defines persona as “the identity that a person projects to the public”.

There should be confusion here. Identity in the context of influence is much more than a person‟s projected personality.

Identity involves a larger constellation of concepts that covers communication, a person‟s position within a society, etc. So let us clarify, the persona is just one component of a person‟s identity. It is not your whole identity.

But it is fortunate that a lot can be done at this level to influence others. And without the persona, you will fail to influence others immediately. And that is the most effective form of influence.

If you can project a persona of influence 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you wouldn‟t have to worry about another project or undertaking ever again. The whole world becomes that much more accessible and manageable when you develop your own unique influential persona.

Taking Advantage of Instant Judgment

Have you ever read about infamous forgeries of famous artwork? Eventually, the police or museum authorities will call an art expert – and it doesn‟t take long for the art expert to identify whether or not the piece of art is the genuine article or not.

If the item at hand is a fake, a seasoned expert would be able to immediately tell the authorities that the item is not genuine. Art experts are usually not buggered about the details, though they may discuss key details that communicated the fact that the artwork is not the real thing.

Seasoned art experts don‟t have to think long and hard if a piece of art is fake or not; in their minds, they have archives of information that they cross-reference instantly as they examine pieces of art.

This type of cross-referencing is the key to creating an influential persona. Many people don‟t realize that they use this exact method of categorizing and comparing when they meet new people. Since people do not engage in conscious, critical thought 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, they use peripheral thinking to gauge the attributes or qualities of people, events, choices, etc.

When a person interacts with another person for the first time, the mental impulse to use cross-referencing to categorize the other person is at its strongest. Three core characteristics are used by people to subconsciously categorize other people:

1. The physical appearance of the other person

2. The way the other person communicates and how his voice sounds as he communicates

3. The person‟s positioning

Important Note:

When I say that you have to develop an influential persona, that doesn‟t meant that you have to create a false mask that you will put on whenever you feel like influencing somebody.

That‟s not the point of this method. Rather, I want you to add to your existing persona (the personality that you project) so that you become a beacon of influence wherever you are.

The problem that most people have when trying methods like this for the first time is that they apply the techniques mechanically, as if they were trying to operate some sort of machinery. That‟s not the way to do it. Instead of using these guidelines or techniques mechanically, I want you to absorb the principles and use them whenever you need them.

And I also want you to practice as often as you can on a daily basis – even if it is just ten minutes a day. Ten minutes of practice every day is more effective than sixty minutes of practice once a week.

The Ten Human Needs

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Each and every one of our human needs is directly related to the desire to achieve control.  If we want something out of life, it’s because we believe that having it will provide more control over experiencing pleasure or avoiding pain.

Some people’s human needs supersede others.  These are known as their dominate needs.  First come the survival needs, which include: food, shelter and clothing. Once those 3 needs have been filled, there are emotionally driven needs that most human beings desire.

1. Comfort/Certainty – This is the desire for comfort and/or inner peace.  No one wants to live in discomfort, and much of this comfort comes from certainty.  While we all know there is no such thing as total certainty or absolute guarantees, we all desire certainty ranging from small things like our car starting, to deeper things like the certainty that the things that bring us joy will continue to do so.

The greatest form of certainty that people desire is the certainty that they will be alive tomorrow.  For people who have dominant needs that have to do with comfort and certainty, they generally do not enjoy taking risks or being exposed to different types of environments.  Generally speaking, these people are creatures of habit.  They have associated whatever they have been doing with comfort and certainty, and so getting them to change or move in a different direction can be challenging.

You can create change in people like this if you can just show them why not changing will eventually lead to uncertainty.  The best triggers that you can use with a person who really loves comfort and security are scarcity and proof.  Obviously, if people like certainty, the best way to get them to act is to show them that their certainty is at risk if they do not make a decision soon.  I explain to them that there are limited quantities or limited time in their decision-making process using the scarcity trigger.  Because these people love certainty, you have now tap into their desire for comfort and certainty and cause them to take action to salvage the security they seek.  The best possible way to persuade them is by showing them proof that whatever you are asking them to do has worked for someone else.  While nothing in life is guaranteed, if you can show someone that whatever you have to offer has worked in the past or for someone else, you have now created a higher level of comfort and certainty for this person.

2. Variety/Adventure – As much as we want certainty, there must also be the concept of chance, risk and variety, or things would get boring. Most people still desire variety and adventure within the confines of their certainty desires.  As an example, adventurous people who enjoy skydiving like the feeling of jumping out of a plane and the risk associated with it. However, they still want to come out of the situation alive.  So even though they enjoy the risk of death, they still want the certainty of life.

The point I'm trying to make here is that when you are dealing with a person whose dominant needs include adventure and variety, the key is to understand that these desires still take place under the umbrella of certainty.  The best triggers to use with these types of people include proof, because people who like variety need to know for a fact that something will be adventurous or will vary from something that they are used to.  The best way to show someone how different or how adventurous something may be is through the proof.  Scarcity works very well too because urgency is directly related to adventure.  Urgency completely changes the perception of the situation.

3. Significance – This is the desire to feel important.  No one wants to feel as though his or her life meant nothing after he or she has passed away.  Deep down within all of us is the desire to be significant in life, but for some people, significance is more important than anything else.  These people have a strong urge to prove themselves and to make a difference in the world.  If something great in life happens they want their name to be attached to it.  They want to be the driving force behind all great things that happen in life.  One of the most effective triggers to use with people whose dominant need is significance is the dissonance trigger or the internal conflict trigger.  Feelings are a big part of these people's lives and what drives them to think and behave in a certain way.  Cognitive dissonance creates feelings of discomfort or uneasiness within someone.  So any time that you can show people why their decision to not comply with you would cause them to lose the opportunity to be significant, or even worse make them look insignificant, you have organically created cognitive dissonance within them.

Now all you need to do is show them how being in compliance with you would make them feel significant.  Once you demonstrate this idea, you have instantly relieved the dissonance.  Using the law of connection is also very effective when dealing with a person whose dominant need is significance; because significance is defined by the way the rest of the world perceives us.  In order for someone to be viewed as significant, there must be an audience involved.  There also must be another party involved, because doing anything of great significance usually has a positive impact on another party.  Therefore, if you can use the connection trigger to create rapport with people, they will then feel that being in compliance with you will make them be significant.

4. Freedom – Although all human needs correlate to control, freedom is also closely related.  Most people do not want to feel as though they are being forced to do things in life, but would rather have the freedom to decide.  As I said earlier, people prefer the path of least resistance and people do not enjoy things associated with pain.

In the minds of most people, freedom represents the exact opposite of those two things.  Freedom represents pleasure and it represents choice.  It represents the ability to do whatever you want whenever you want in life.  And for some people, this is the driving force behind everything that they do.  In fact, some people will experience great amounts of pain and go through paths of extreme resistance if they believe that these experiences will lead to freedom at the end.

One of the most powerful triggers that you can use for people who desire freedom is the law of contrast.  If you can show comparatively how their decision to comply with you, versus anyone else, would lead them to freedom, they will be more likely to do whatever it is that you asked them to do.   The same is true for if you can show them how different their life could be if they complied with you by using the law of contrast.

Proof is another technique that works extremely well with people who are looking for freedom.  Remember, if people are willing to engage in activities that they hate the most like pain or resistance just to get to freedom, they need as many reasons or as much proof as possible to show them that they will actually achieve freedom towards the end.

For example, if I'm a good writer but I don't enjoy writing particularly because it involves a lot of thought, a lot of time and a lot of work, chances are I don't write that often.  However, if someone could show me is that by writing a certain book using a certain system that has been proven to work that I would make $10 million and be able to be financially free, I would now be more motivated to write each and every day.  The scarcity trigger works extremely well too because freedom is a desire that can easily be quantified.  In other words, you're either free or you're not free.  So, if you can show people how being in compliance with you can change their lives and give them freedom  but then show them how if they don't act soon, they will lose their freedom, they will be doubly motivated to take action very quickly.

5. Connection/Love- Relationships nurture the soul and magnify the human experience.  The more relationships we have and the deeper they are, the more fulfilled we feel.  This is why people have the desire to be part a community, to care for others and to be cared about.  Deep down inside, all sane human beings want to experience love and connection on some level.  Even introverts or people who don't enjoy crowds still desire connection and love on some level.  If, in fact, you find someone that desires love and connection more than the average person scarcity works rather well.  If you can show someone why if they don't act quickly they will lose their opportunity to feel love and connection, they will be motivated more to seek it.  We see this in the dating all the time.  The scarcer or less available one person makes himself, the more the other person desires him.

Another trigger that works extremely well with people who are interested in love and connection is association.  Any time that we are attracted to someone who we believe is attractive to everyone, we become even more attracted to that person.  So if you can show someone why, whatever you have to offer is wanted and valuable by many other people, what you have to offer now becomes even more desirable.  This is why men who are not so great looking, but tend to have a lot of girlfriends, live this way.  Regardless of how good-looking or not he is, the moment a woman sees a man with a woman who's very good-looking or with a number of women, he suddenly becomes more attractive.  These types of thoughts usually run through their minds- what does he have to offer that makes them so attracted to him?  He must have something great to offer for so many other women to like him.  This is the law of association at its best.

6. Growth – We’ve all heard the saying if you’re not growing, you’re dying.  Growth - be it spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically or financially - improves our overall quality of life.  Some people really have a huge desire to grow.  It doesn't matter if in the process they achieve freedom, love, significance or any other desires for that matter, as long as they feel they are growing in some way.  One trigger is extremely effective with people who desire growth is proof.  If you can show someone why doing something your way has been proven to help others grow, he or she will be motivated to do whatever you asked,

The same is true of association.  If you can associate what you have to offer with the results that other people have gained through using it, people will be prompted to take action.  People who desire growth tend to know that quick fixes are always a reality.  Therefore, many of them are very good with commitments.  One of the biggest reasons why people can't keep commitments is because their point of view on whatever they committed to changed after the time they committed to it. People who desire growth know that stakes can change entirely and they can easily become unmotivated.  However, they continue anyway..  That's why it's extremely important to get these types of people to make commitments as soon as possible.  While results show that most people who make commitments keep them, people who desire growth more than anything else generally keep their commitments more than most people.

7. Contribution – This is the desire to contribute something of value to the world and somehow make it better place.  Contribution is very similar to the desire for significance, although contribution is more of a selfless desire; whereas, significance has to do more with the way someone will feel after doing something.  People who desire to contribute more than anything else are more concerned with how other people will feel or the difference they can make in someone else's life than they are with their own lives.  The best trigger that you can use for these types of people has to do with the law of connection.  All you simply need to do is create a strong rapport and a strong connection with someone, and then show them how complying with your request can change their life for the better.  They will instantly want to contribute and want to help you.

Another powerful trigger is the verbiage trigger.  If you can create your presentation in a way that drives home the fact that this person would be helping or contributing to someone else's life very dramatically, their odds of complying with you will be much higher than if you structure the presentation around their needs and desires.  Yet, another trigger that's extremely powerful is the reciprocity trigger.  If you can contribute something in some way to this type of a person he or she will instantly feel the need to return the favor.  Find a way to do something that will positively impact or contribute to this person's life first, and you will have basically laid the groundwork for them to do the same for you.  Expectations are another extremely effective trigger to use with people who desire contribution, because if they know that you're expecting them to comply with you, you've already created a scenario where they feel the need to contribute.

8. Power – Of all human needs, power is the one most closely related to control.  The desire for power is to feel in complete control over all things at all times and can encompass all other needs.  It can also represent itself as the desire to feel superior at all times.  People who desire power more than anything else always want to feel as if they are in control and do not ever like to feel threatened in any way.

These people can often feel threatened for no good reason, if they are around someone who in their mind is more powerful than them.  The key to dealing with people who desire power is to always make them feel more superior.  As the great quote says, “Never outshine the Master.”  People who desire power like to feel as though they have the best of everything.

That's why using the contrast trigger is extremely powerful.  You see, if you can show someone the difference between what you have to offer and why it is so much better than the alternatives by using contrast, people like this will automatically block what you have because in their mind they believe it makes them more powerful.  Association works very well too because if you can associate what you have to other people with power, these types of people will want it as well.

9. Expression – Expression is the desire to express the feelings within. The need for expression can correlate to the need for contribution and significance, but it can also stand by itself, as many artists use their creativity for no other purpose than to release it.  People who have a strong desire for expression can have that desires lead them into other desires when deep down inside all they want to do is release whatever it is that is inside of them.  The verbiage trigger works extremely well if you can tailor your presentation in a way where people will feel that there are no strings attached and that they will be able to fully express themselves by complying.

10. Balance – The need for balance is strongly related to the cognitive dissonance theory.  People whose dominant human need is for balance don’t necessarily care if something is right or wrong, they are more concerned with things being equal.

To them the world operates on the premise that all events that take place must balance each other out.  If balance isn’t achieved, things seem oddly wrong to them.

When influencing a person whose dominant human need is balance, it's important to point out how whatever you have to offer doesn't take away from something else.  In fact, it's more important to focus on how it makes things equal.

For example, if you're trying to persuade someone to buy a car and your target is hesitating because the monthly payment is going to cause an imbalance in the amount of money that he or she has, show all the things that he or she will be able to get done with their car so that you can create the balance needed for your target to make a decision.

The 3 Types Of Eye Gazes

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Recently I posted an article about some of (what I consider to be) very interesting facts about the eyes and how you can learn a lot about what a person is thinking by simply paying closer attention to things like pupil dilation.

Someone had posted a comment which was actually a question about how you can stare into a person’s eyes without looking like a “weirdo”.

In other words, how do you look deep enough into their eyes to determine if the pupils are dilated without appearing obvious to the degree that the person feels uncomfortable?

I answered that question but felt it would be even better to really elaborate on the topic of looking into someone’s eyes.

Ok. So first and foremost, according to body language experts Allan and Barbara Pease, when it comes to gazing, there are basically three types: Social Gazing, Intimate Gazing and Power Gazing.

1.) Social Gazing – Much research on gazing has shown that most people focus on a triangular area between the eyes and the mouth on another person’s face for around 90% of the gaze time during social encounters.

2.) Intimate Gazing – When approaching another person from a distance, we usually look quickly at their face and then to the lower body. We do this first to determine their sex and then to determine our interest level in them. This gaze is across the eyes and below the chin to lower parts of the other person’s body. During close encounters, it’s the triangular areas between the eyes and chest. During encounters from far away, it’s from the eyes to the groin or lower. This gaze is used by both men and women alike to show interest in others and to reciprocate when this type gaze is placed on them from someone they find interesting. It typically consists of 2 quick glances followed by a look at their face. What’s interesting is how most people think that men do this more than women when in fact the opposite is true. Research has shown that women check men out more than men check out women but the difference lies the ability to make it obvious which women are equipped to do better as their range of peripheral vision (45 degrees) is much wider than that of a man's. This means she can basically appear as though she is looking at a man’s face but actually be looking below his waist…..talk about a hidden advantage.

3.) Power Gazing – Power gazing takes place when a person focuses on the area in between the eyes of another person. It’s almost as if there’s an imaginary third eye on the face. Focusing on this area automatically lets the person know you mean business and creates a very serious atmosphere.

So back to the original question on how you can pay attention to the pupils without coming across as a weirdo.

The answer is simple. First, remember that environment dictates a lot. If you’re meeting someone for the first time in casual setting, use the social gaze and check for pupil dilation from time to time. This will prevent you from appearing obvious. If you are on a date with someone or are in an intimate setting, then intimate gazing is acceptable and there’s usually a general understanding that this is the way most people look at each other in these environments. This also makes it a lot easier to check for pupil dilation because staring into someone’s eyes in an intimate environment is not unordinary; it’s expected. And if you find yourself in a serious conversation with someone and you are checking for pupil dilation, chances are that person won’t even be thinking about it. Instead, they will be too wrapped up in the serious subject matter.

More Framing Research Shows Compliance Rates Quadrupled

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One study by Kahneman, Slovic And Tversky proved yet again how powerful framing truly is.

They presented hundreds of subjects with two situations and asked which option they would choose.

Situation A: You win $1,000 in a game. You now have a choice between a guaranteed $500 or a 50% chance of winning an additional $1,000  and a 50% of winning nothing.

Situation B: You win $2,000. You now have a choice between a guaranteed loss of $500 or a 50% chance of losing $1,000 and 50% chance of losing nothing.

In situation A, 84% of people chose the first option which was the guaranteed $1,500. Only 16% took the 50/50 chance of getting either the $1,000 or $2,000.

In situation B, 31% of people chose the first option (the guaranteed $1,500). 69% of people were willing to gamble on the 50/50 chance of ending up with either the $1,000 or $2,000.

Both of these situations are IDENTICAL.

In both cases, you are deciding between a guaranteed $1,500 or a a 50/50 chance of ending up with $1,000 or $2,000 yet because of the framing in situation B, we see the response rate more than quadruple in favor of that option.

Imagine if you could multiply the amount of times people say "yes" to you by 4 by simply changing a few words.

How would this impact your income, your relationships, your opportunities?

Realize this; people respond more to the way that information is presented to them than to the content of the information itself.

People will also almost always choose a guaranteed win/gain over any future risk but they will allow their current losses to run till the wheels fall off simply because they're already heavily vested.

Think about how this information applies to what you do in life and begin to figure out how you can apply it and see better results.

If you're in sales or business, it's pretty easy to relate but even on personal levels, think of how you can apply this information when you make requests from your friends, family, children, lover, etc.

It works.

The Real Reason People Value Certain Things

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French marketing professor Ziv Carmon teamed up MIT's Dan Ariely to perform a study on nearly 100 students from Duke University.

They divided the students into 2 groups. The students in group A were asked to state the highest price they would pay for a ticket to the NCAA Final Four basketball tournament while the students in group B were asked what's the lowest price they would be willing to sell such a ticket for if they had it in their possession.

The median selling price was $1,500 while the median buying price was $150. In other words, the sellers perceived the value of their ticket to be worth ten times more than the buyers did.

What does this tell us?

Well for me, it says that people place a higher value on things that are already in their possession. Once someone takes true ownership over something (no matter how large or small) it becomes a part of their identity.

It becomes - on some level - a piece of the puzzle that makes them who they are. Perhaps someone with tickets like the ones mentioned in the study creates a subconscious identity with being a huge basketball fan.

And surely, a real fan would never part with tickets to the finals unless it was really worth it.

How can you leverage this information?

Make every attempt to get what you have to offer in the hands of as many people as possible.

This is certainly nothing new. All different types of companies have been using this strategy for years. Things like free samples and risk free trials are designed with this thought in mind.

The theory is that if you let people try your stuff first they will eventually come to like it and therefore purchase it.

While there is something to be said about the actual "experience" that a product/service provides, I think there is really something much more subliminal going on here.

In his masterpiece Breakthrough Advertising, world renowned copywriter Eugene Schwartz explains that people make purchases based on desires that are related to one of two different types of roles that they play in life.

The first are character roles which describe the type of person he/she is/wants to be perceived as. Brilliant, intelligent, well-rounded, etc. are all examples of character roles.

The second are achievement  roles which have to do with the level of status one maintains in society.

Schwartz's findings show us that people use certain products/services to help solidify these roles which ultimately define their identities.

Therefore, if you can get your product/service into the hands of your target (and he/she actually likes it or is at least interested in it) it will become a part of their identity.

Once that happens, the person will place an extremely high value on it.

This is often why we see people who cannot break habits for years; even when they know they should while others can break them instantly and never look back.

The difference lies in the identity. People who have been overweight for a long time and can't seem to stick to a diet or workout regimen do so because they haven't yet created the identity of a healthy, toned person.

People who lose weight and keep it off often become gym rats almost obsessed with fitness because thy've created the identity of a healthy, toned person and the gym is a staple in that identity.

Realize this, it's very difficult to behave in ways that contradict your identity. Doing so, creates cognitive dissonance which no one likes to experience.

There is so much that can be learned from this information but the key takeaway for this particular post is to get people to associate what you have to offer as a strong element in their identity.

That's how you gain unshakable loyalty.

Body Language 101: What Can We Tell From The Legs?

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When it comes to reading body language, many people focus on the most obvious and easy-to-read areas; the eyes and the arms.

And while both areas are extremely important, you wouldn't believe what you could learn about a person by paying closer attention to their legs and there are a few reasons why.

Firstly, people tend to be less conscious of their leg movements. Even though the face and arms can give away a lot about a person, they can also be tougher to read; especially if you're dealing with a person who is very conscious of their body language and will make it their business to try to hide their emotions.

Even some novices are capable of putting on a fake smile in front of their boss even though deep down inside they may despise him/her.

The legs however, are a whole other story. I fact, when it comes to parts of the body that people who are trying to hide their emotions pay attention to, the legs take a back seat to the face, arms, hands and chest.

This means that a even a person who maintains complete composure in the face may be giving away important clues through their legs without even realizing it.

Secondly, humans are hard wired to use to legs to move closer to what we desire and to move away from what we don't want. You see, originally the legs only served 2 purposes: to get food and to run from danger. This basic instinct still resides within us and will come out during certain emotional states.

For example, when a person maintains open or uncrossed legs, they are showing an open or dominant attitude whereas crossed positions reveal uncertainly or closed attitudes.

According to psychologist Paul Ekman, leg movements can also help detect liars as people tend to increase lower body movements when they lie and observers can also expose a person's lies more easily when they can see the liars entire body.

There are many different positions that a person can take using their legs and at some point, I'll probably touch on all of them but for now, just know that the legs can be equally - if not more - important as the face arms when reading someone.

Body Language 101: Arm Crossing Decoded

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We learn at a very early age to hide behind barriers when we want to protect ourselves.

As we get older and hiding behind objects like our mother's skirts, tables, chairs, etc. became unacceptable, we subconsciously find other ways to protect ourselves and one of the "go to" tactics is by crossing the arms.

Arm-crossing is most likely an inborn function as the act itself so perfectly protects vital organs like the heart and lungs from injury.

The key point here is that arm-crossing is a protective gesture. If a person crosses their arms, its because they subconsciously feel anxious, nervous, defensive or just plain old uncomfortable.

To put it simply; its not a good sign. While it may not be the most negative of gestures in terms of body language, it certainly isn't good.

Now many people will claim that having their arms crossed just feels comfortable to them but the truth is that's just an excuse.

Without sounding vulgar, imagine that you are sitting in a chair receiving oral sex from someone and you are really enjoying it, do you think you would have your arms crossed during this moment of extreme relaxation, submissiveness and pleasure?

I think you get my point, you cannot truly feel comfortable if you are taking this position with someone.

Here's why this information is valuable to you as an influence master (man I love the way that sounds).

When attempting to persuade someone. its extremely important to know their state of mind and being able to read their body language will give you the best view into their mind's eye.

If your target has their arms crossed, you should immediately focus your attention on getting them to uncross them as research has shown that when in this position your target is not only uncomfortable but he/she is also likely to not retain the information in your message. In other words, you're not getting through to him/her.

In fact in one study, 2 groups of volunteers were asked to attend a series of lectures in which one group was instructed to cross their arms tightly during the lectures while the other group was told to keep their arms and legs open and take a more relaxed , casual position.

At the end of the lectures, the results showed that the group which kept their arms open learned and retained an average of 38% more information than the group who kept their arms crossed.

One quick and easy way to break this position is to give your target something to hold or give them something to do. Try giving them a pen, a piece of paper, a business card or a brochure. This causes them to have to open their arms and lean forward into a much more open position.

Once you have them in the open position, begin your presentation again but slightly differently in perhaps a more diplomatic fashion and center it around their immediate benefit.

This will cause them to be more receptive to your message.