Influence

The Little Things That Make a Master Influencer Shine, Part 2

The Little Things That Make a Master Influencer Shine, Part 2

0 comments

Masters of influence are ordinary people who devote a portion of their time to discovering new ways to communicate with people on a level that allows them to gain compliance with the last amount of effort.

If you have ever felt that you needed to learn how to harmonize with people so that they would agree with your ideas more often, then you are in luck.

Today’s discussion will focus on the simple ways that will vastly improve your ability to persuade and influence others when you engage in social interactions.

We have touched upon these special tactics in a previous discussion. Today, we go full circle as we explore the final set of tactics that will separate you from all the other aspiring influencers who have yet to chance upon the most essential ideas of influence and persuasion.

Tactic # 1: Never Overpromise

In almost every field and industry, overpromising is so common that people have become wary when a new face promises something valuable or useful.

Organizations and companies probably have their hearts set on the right path when they begin promising things to their customers. The problem with this scenario is the Overpromising Problem. When a company overpromises, what it produces in return is often inadequate to fulfill what it has promised.

What results is often disappointment and mistrust. Why would a person trust a company that does not produce what it has really promised? Let this scenario be a dire reminder to all aspiring influencers – when you promise something to someone, make sure that you over-deliver so the other party would feel valued.

If a person feels valued, he will be loyal to you and he will go to great lengths to work with you. Also, do not overpromise at all. Don’t promise something so great that the subject will have such a high expectation that you run into the risk of under-delivering.

Under-promising is a much better option. Promise average results and then over-deliver. Your subject will be pleasantly surprised and he will view your under-promising as a sign of professionalism and integrity.

People who are only in it ‘for the money’ will never under promise because they would be too afraid of losing profit. If you want to be truly successful in any endeavor and in any field, focus on generating amazing results instead of fabricating promises that you won’t be able to fulfill.

Tactic # 2: Valued Associations Are Important

When it comes to persuasion and influence, peer pressure can actually be a good thing. Why? Because the impact of peer pressure on people does not stop when they cease from going to school. Peer pressure actually becomes a part of our cultural makeup as we enter adulthood.

It might not become a very prominent part of how we think but it’s still there and in opportune moments, it manifests because we know deep down that social relations and associations are vital to our success.

You can utilize this tendency to associate oneself with specific groups to your advantage. Instead of isolating the subject (e.g. you will gain an advantage) say something like “by cashing in on this offer, you will get the same benefits that ___________ have”.

The core idea here is that you have to identify the group of people that the subject likes, emulates or admires. Then you have to find a common link between what you are offering and this group of people.

If you cannot identify a group that matters to the subject now, think of a group of people that may have the same values as the subject and then link your offer to that group. The subject must be able to understand that by accepting your offer, he is becoming like the group that you are describing.

You have to sell the idea of the group first before selling the idea that your offer has a lot to do with how the group is succeeding in a particular manner right now. It can be difficult at first, but I’m sure you will be able to find the right group to associate with.

Tactic # 3: Create the Passion

Some aspiring influencers have a lot of plans but not a lot passion to seek out the steps that will enable them to reach their goals. Often, the problem lies in the fact that the influencer has no idea which parts of his life is contributing to his goals and which elements are obstructing the road to his goals.

If you feel that you are suffering from this exact same problem, what you can do is to engage in goal brainstorming. The idea behind goal brainstorming is to identify your most important goals and picking out the elements in your life that are directly contributing to the accomplishment of these goals.

By doing this, you will also begin to see what is hindering you from accomplishing more at the present time. If you identify people that are blocking your part to personal or professional fulfillment, you can begin dissociating yourself from these people because nothing good will come from your continued association with them.

You will also be able to see which activities and attitudes are helping and which are not. Goal brainstorming can be viewed as a way to improve your life direction in general.

Will it help you become persuasive or influential? Of course. By setting the right goals and seeing things clearly for the first time, you will be energized to explore and take risks. These are the two main catalysts to personal change and progress. You will also be able to evaluate whether you should engage in specific interactions or not.

For example, if you want to accomplish something big, the results of your goal brainstorming will show you which people you should be involving in your drive to accomplish something and which people should be left out because they will only become obstacles to your success.

The Little Things That Make a Master Influencer Shine, Part 1

The Little Things That Make a Master Influencer Shine, Part 1

0 comments

The world of influence is filled with countless brilliant ideas and strategies. Unfortunately, only a handful of people will have the luxury of time to test different theories to see which ones are most effective. But don’t worry – that’s what I’m here for: I’m the one doing all the testing so you will be able to apply only the best techniques from this particular field.

In today’s exploration of influence and persuasion, we are going to talk about the “little things” that have a deep effect on an influencer’s impact on his subjects. You see, not all influence or persuasion techniques are big and complex.

Some tactics are simple and relatively easy to follow even if the one trying out the tactics isn’t devoted to the art of influence/persuasion. Look around and see which tactics would help you achieve persuasion more easily in the future.

Tactic # 1: Laugh and Don’t Bury Yourself in Tension

I know it’s old and overused but I’m saying it anyway: laughter is the best medicine. Before you hit me over the head with “everyone knows that”, let me explain myself: laughter is the antidote for even the most pressured situations.

Laughter helps release endorphins (the body’s natural painkillers) and also helps ease stress and tension. So whenever you feel that a conversation is not going as planned, instead of feeling sorry for yourself or angry at the subject, just crack a joke and laugh.

You might be surprised how laughter can ease the pressure in a conversation. Sure, laughter might not help you think of a brilliant comeback after receiving a particularly nasty objection, but what I can promise is that you will feel better after laughing and it will help you think more clearly.

If you want a model for laughter, I suggest that you briefly study small children while they are playing. Children are great models because they laugh so naturally. They don’t need a lot of reasons to laugh – they just do because it feels good! Unlike adults, children don’t have to ‘wait’ before the higher up laughs before laughing.

Children also don’t worry too much about things (which is probably the single biggest reason why they don’t look so weary all the time). Take the time to watch children, too – you might be surprised how they conduct themselves with other children and adults.

Humor is also a great way to convince someone to agree with you even if the communication is not face to face (e.g. communicating through email or text messaging). Start the conversation with a joke and make the subject laugh first before asking something from him. Again, this slight change in your approach can yield better results.

Tactic # 2: Negativity Attracts More Negativity

This is probably one of the most vital life lessons that I can share with you on any occasion. It is so important that I’m even going to share it with you in the context of improving your persuasion skills. The LOA (law of attraction) stipulates that in this universe, like attracts like.

Positive things open the gateway for more positivity while negative things allow more negative stuff to enter your life. If you want to be a truly persuasive and powerful master of influence, you have to start dissociating yourself from people who are bathed in negativity.

Because whether you like it or not, these people will ‘share’ their negativity with you and over time, contact with these people will make your life more difficult than it should be. This applies most especially to professionals who are trying to rise above the rest in a company or organization.

Some people are more likely to be supportive than others. Cherish and support those who contribute positivity in your life and in your efforts to reach your goals. Discard or dissociate your relationships that do not directly contribute to your personal and professional growth.

This might sound easy enough on paper but trust me; it can be difficult when you finally try to apply it in real life because you will discover that some of your oldest friends and acquaintances aren’t actually helping you grow as a person. It is painful (the dissociation process) but trust me, it will help you in the long term.

Tactic # 3: Word Power

We have always lived in a world ruled by signs and language. Having a limited vocabulary can actually stunt your ability to communicate and eventually influence others. If you are not able to express yourself well in any situation, how can you show others that you are an authority and that peoples would do well to pay attention to what you have to say?

Take a look at the politicians and TV personalities that are raking in the big bucks – what do they have in common, apart from their big bank accounts? Probably just one – their ability to speak well. You don’t have to be the most intelligent man/woman in the city to speak well.

Language is a skill – so make sure that you take every opportunity to make yourself more adept in writing and speaking. If you encounter a term that you are not familiar with, don’t rely on contextual clues to understand it. Seek the meaning of the word.

Buy a dictionary or visit dictionary websites to find out what the word means. Build your vocabulary and make an effort to learn the latest jargon (special language) of your own field. This extra effort on your part will ensure that you will always be able to express yourself competently and authoritatively in any situation.

People will notice your prowess in language and they will respect your ability to adequately express yourself whenever you need to. They will also appreciate the fact that when you have an idea in mind, you are able to fully explain your idea in its entirety.

So the next time you talk to someone, try to think of a new word that you have only recently encountered and try to use the word in the conversation. This will help you gain the confidence to start building and using an extended vocabulary on a daily basis.

The Role of Questions in Persuasion and Influence, Part

0 comments

Strategic questions can be used to improve the influencer’s approach during a conversation – but more importantly, this technique can be used to improve your chances of changing the subject’s mindset. In a previous discussion I gave a list of different questions that the influencer can use to increase his insight during any social interaction.

In today’s discussion we are going to discuss how you can use questions to alter the subject’s perception and decision-making. One of the hardest truths that every master influencer has to contend with is the fact that you cannot replace good questions with any other language pattern. Nothing comes close to the impact of questions.

So before you use complex language patterns, ask yourself this: have you maximized the potential power of strategic questioning? If you haven’t, I highly recommend that you do and for good reason – formulating and using good questions is far easier than using complex language patterns.

I’m not saying that persuasive language patterns should be ignored, all I’m saying here is that if you can conserve your cognitive resources for a potentially long battle ahead, do so.

Here are some strategic questions that you may want to use if you think your subject is more concerned with formulating objections than with agreeing with your requests:

How would you like to enjoy _____________ by ____________ ? (This question focuses on the main benefit of what you are offering; the subject must comply with what you are requesting before he can enjoy the main benefit)

Have you ever wondered how you can actually get _____________? (Instead of saying that you want the subject to comply, state that he can achieve something instead; follow up with the process that will help him attain the goal which is really just complying with you)

Tell me, what really matters to you in your __________? (While this question will not give you immediate compliance/agreement, it will help you understand how the subject thinks and this information can be used later on to mold or modify your plan of attack)

How much better would your ___________ be if ___________? (This question is a little tricky because you will have to connect your current goal with what the subject considers important in his own life. For example, if you are trying to sell a magazine subscription, you have to think of how the magazine subscription would actually improve his life. Think fast! This question pattern can really make your subject think hard and it will help you gain agreement).

Can you imagine how delighted everyone at __________ would be when they find out that you chose to ____________? (This question pattern is quite sneaky – you will actually be evoking specific positive emotions in the person so that he will create a natural connection between what you need him to do and the idea that people who matter to him will approve of what he will do)

These are just five patterns that you can use to improve your chances of gaining compliance from someone. Of course, not every question in the list I have just provided will be appropriate for every situation. There will be some situations wherein one question may seem odd or completely inappropriate.

For example, you wouldn’t say “can you imagine how delighted everyone at _________ would be when they find out that you chose to _________?” to your boss.

Asking such a question will most likely backfire on you and would result in a lose-lose situation because you will be seen as someone who does not know other people’s boundaries.

Before asking any strategic question, think hard twice, thrice or even four times. Will the question really contribute to your goal of gaining compliance in the first place?

You also have to examine the risk level. All persuasive tactics have a certain degree of risk attached to them. Master influencers are willing to risk it because they would do anything to attain their goals (this is probably the reason why influencers achieve more of their goals, because they are not afraid to test their theories in the real world).

Now, always remember that you should never use “orphaned questions”. When you ask one strategic question (and you get the desired response), follow that question with another strategic question to get the momentum going. Momentum is your best friend when you are using this technique because the more momentum you have, the higher the chances of being able to convince the other person to just say yes.

It is also important to note here that you should never be completely dependent on logic and rationalism when you are trying to persuade someone to see things your way.

You see, it has been long established that people are more likely to say “yes” if you make use of emotional triggers and response triggers that are rooted in the non-rational/non-logical. What does this mean? Well, a person can be very logical (because that is how he perceives himself and that is how he chooses to express himself to the world) but that does not mean that he can suppress his instinctual responses.

A person who suddenly becomes overjoyed at hearing something will say “yes!” more quickly than a person who feels depressed and betrayed. I want you to find that one trigger that matters the most to your subject and use that trigger to gain compliance.

Do not impose your own brand of logic to the subject because it may take too long before he comes around and second, he might not come around at all because logic is almost always subordinated by irrationalism.

In short – a person will most likely choose to follow his own irrational beliefs and emotions than to listen to you. So do not assume for one second that you can make someone agree with you just because you have a bulletproof, logical argument. It doesn’t work that way – and in our day and age, the more you rely on logic, the more you lose out on the opportunity to persuade people more quickly.

The Role of Questions in Persuasion and Influence, Part 1

0 comments

“To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle, require creative imagination and marks real advance in science”
Albert Einstein

One of the most effective ways to turn around a dwindling situation is to ask the right questions. Questions work both ways – they can help both the influencer and the subject achieve a state of clarity and decisiveness.

Indecisiveness, skepticism and doubt are probably the biggest enemies of any master influencer because these mental states directly prevent the subject from agreeing with whatever is being asked of him.

Before you begin asking your subject different questions to guide him to a mindset or conclusion that will be favorable to your personal goals, let us take a step back to explore the different questions that you can ask yourself when you  feel that a particular interaction is no longer in your favor.

The following questions can be used in almost every situation so feel free to use some or all of them if it would help you strategize more efficiently during an actual interaction.

What do I want to achieve at the end of this dialog/interaction?

What kind of emotions do I want to feel during this interaction?

What is the most favorable emotional response that my subject can give me right now?

What do I really want to get from talking to this person? (Be really truthful when answering this question – there is nothing wrong with wanting to fully benefit from a social interaction!)

How much time should I be investing to get what I want from this interaction?

What is the bigger goal that I want to achieve by talking to this person? Will his participation really help me achieve that bigger goal or not?

Will the subject also benefit from agreeing with what I want him to do or say? Or will all the benefits of this interaction belong to me only? What can I do to make sure that he will also benefit from what I am asking him to do?

How familiar am I with the specific details involved in what I am asking the subject to do? Also, how familiar am I with all of the consequences that may take place after the subject agrees with what I want him to do?

Do I have to involve other people to achieve my immediate goal and my long term goal? Will the person I am talking to right now be the bridge that will connect me to these other key players?

Do I know everything that is relevant to what I am trying to achieve right now? If not, what do I have to do to get that special bit of insight that will help me influence my subject?

What are all the negative things that could take place if I am able to influence this person to follow my lead?

How prepared am I to deal with the various objections that my subject can throw at me? Will I be able to answer these objections?

Among these objections, which ones will have the most weight when the subject is ready to make a decision? Which objections will be given just because the subject needs more information from me?

If I want to achieve something with the help of this person, will I really be better off with his help or not? Will I get better results if I do it myself or will the opposite be true? Will my subject be worth my time and effort at all?

Note that the questions that we have just examined can be used before a dialog and during a dialog (except the ones that obviously require some form of research).

You can glean a lot of insight by looking inward just before talking to a subject. Of course, you can perform a little ‘review’ of what you have known all along by asking these questions during a conversation. Among all of the techniques that I have come across in the world of influence, the strategic use of questions is by far the most effective in transforming a bad situation into a good one.

It is never too late to turn an interaction into your favor, remember that. By asking questions, you gain two obvious benefits. First, your mind is forced to focus closely on what is happening right then and there.

Sometimes, our minds can wander when we least expect it especially if an interaction is not producing the results that we had hoped for. When you are forced to focus, your mind is also forced to come up with solutions that you have not used before.

The second great benefit is you can start predicting what will happen during the conversation. I’m not saying that you will become psychic but by using this strategy you are fairly close to what others will perceive as clairvoyance.

There is nothing weird about this benefit – you will be able to predict what would happen because you can put yourself in the subject’s shoes if you have to. You can avoid potential problems which really speed up the persuasion process.

Questions also increase you overall involvement in all the aspects of the dialog, from details to how the subject is reacting. Sadly, not all influencers are acquainted with the fine art of analyzing subject feedback.

If you are one such influencer, it is imperative that you situate the subject as the central figure in the entire interaction because you are the one who needs something from the other person.

If you don’t pay attention to how the subject responds, you might end up making a lot of mistakes and this will only make the interaction more difficult to handle because the subject will begin to create more objections until such time that he will feel that you should not be trusted at all because you aren’t providing him with the right answers that will assuage his fears, anxieties and doubts.

The One Word That Could Persuade People (In Almost Any Situation)

0 comments

It is estimated that the English language has over one million familiar and frequently used words. We may not be using all of these words but when a child hits the age of four, he already has a fair mastery of the language itself.

Would you believe it if I told you that there is one word that could spell the difference between a successful interaction and a really bad one? Would you take the opportunity if I were to reveal that one word that could make people say yes even if they would experience inconvenience if they did say yes to you?

Do you like standing in line for something? I sure don’t – because often it’s a massive time waster and we are almost always running out of time when it comes to all of the stuff that we need to do.

The regular career person would never say that he enjoys standing in line for anything. People would always want stay ahead in a line so they could finish what they came there to do more quickly. With this in mind, what do you think would be that one thing that could make the person in front of a line give his spot to you?

Now, one of the things that we have to remember as influencers is that persuasion or influence are rarely complicated matters. You don’t need a PhD or a degree in rocket science to understand how persuasion or influence works. What you do need to learn are the subtle changes that you have to make during an interaction that would make your communication more effective. Genuine master influencers don’t talk like Martians.

We don’t use any magical jargon so that people would simply agree with us. What we do know are the specific triggers that encourage very specific responses in people. One of the most effective triggers (according to current studies) is the word because. Before you let out your collective “what?!” let me share with you the results of a study led by researcher Ellen Langer.

Ellen Langer wanted to find out if the word “because” would actually make any difference if someone wanted to get ahead in a line to a Xerox machine. The constant variable in this study was the fact that every that stood in line at the Xerox machine was in a hurry and that everyone wanted to finish quickly.

Langer wanted to know how people would react to a complete stranger who walked up to the head of the line so that he could get ahead of everybody else. Normally, people would say no to someone who was obviously cutting ahead of the line for his own sake. But was it possible to bypass the normal defensive response to such behavior by adding an extra word to a statement?

To test Langer’s hypothesis, the stranger that they requested to perform the live experiment for them was asked to approach different individuals who was at the head of the line to the Xerox with two different statements. The first statement was “Excuse me, I have to photocopy 5 pages here.

May I go ahead and use the copying machine?” while the second statement was “May I use the copying machine because I have to make several copies of this document?” Of course, the two different statements were used separately in different situations, with different people involved.

It is interesting to note that the reason stated by the complete stranger was a bit nonsensical because everyone who lining up to use the Xerox machine all had to make copies of documents that they were holding. The complete stranger who had to walk up to the head of the line was simply stating a common fact that he had to use the machine to make copies of his own documents.

If you look at the situation from a broader perspective, the move of the complete stranger did not make sense at all because what was the point of telling the person at the head of the line that he had to make copies, too? There was no special reasoning or excuses involved in the experiment.

One would think that in order for this technique to work, one had to think of a really good reason to cut ahead of everybody else. Reasons like “my boss will kill me in 5 minutes if I don’t get this to the meeting on time” would seem more appropriate.

Langer didn’t want to complicate things too much so the reason that was given was direct and very plain – the complete stranger just wanted to make copies, that was all.

The person who was ahead in the line could either comply with the stranger’s request or he could blatantly refuse – it was wholly up to the respondent. If the unwitting respondent said no, the stranger would probably just get in line like everybody else.

After the live experiment, Langer discovered that there was a 94% compliance rate when the stranger used the word “because” in his statement. Only 60% of the individuals who received the first test statement complied with the request. This shows that no matter how logical we may think people are, in reality, logical or rational can be bent or diverted by a single word.

This is the beauty of covert persuasion and influence; it doesn’t take much to get people to say yes to you. In fact, all you need most of the time is the right words and using these special triggers at the right moment. Timing is essential if you want to persuade people.

For example, Langer’s experiment probably would not have worked well if the stranger asked someone from the middle of the line to give up his spot. The request had to be given in such a way that was needed was already within reach and the subject had the choice to either give in to the request or not. A quick decision had to be made because there were other people standing in line.

Influencing The Skeptic

0 comments

You may think that influencing skeptics would be extremely difficult, because they don't value any sort of opinions or information that are not congruent to their outlook on life.  But the good thing about influencing the skeptic is that there is little left to the imagination and not very much guesswork involved.  You don't have to spend time trying to figure out what the skeptic is thinking about, because they're going to tell you straight to your face.  The key to influencing skeptics is to get them to place extreme value on the source of the data that is being used to influence them.  Once they can place a value on that data, they will make their decision very quickly and not procrastinate.  That's why it's extremely important to establish credibility as soon as possible.  If the skeptic has no idea about you or what you've done, try to seek an endorsement from someone that they already view as credible.  This will make things a lot easier for you.

Skeptics are suspicious by nature, and tend to distrust most things that they come across unless, of course, they've decided that the source of the information is credible or similar to them.  Name brands, proven track records, and known leaders in any area are things that skeptics view as credible.

If you don't fit any of these criteria just yet, you must leverage the credibility of someone else that the skeptic trusts.  Realize though that this tactic only gets you in the door.  Once you are there, you still must earn the credibility needed to influence the skeptic.  They will often do this by challenging you and asking you a lot of questions, so you should be prepared to answer them.  This is nothing more than a test that skeptics perform to see whether or not they should believe anything that you have to say.

What's interesting, though, is that when they are questioning you, they're looking for reasons to not trust you.  If they can't find them then you will begin to appear credible to them. With the skeptic, you start out with nothing.  Through your ability to answer their questions and provide them with what they need to take you seriously, you begin to gain credibility.  Skeptics trust no one without a proven track record.

The good news is that once you do establish credibility with a skeptic, everything else is much easier.  Skeptics only let certain people into their inner circle, but once they are there, everything is different.  They will then listen and trust most of what you have to say and make decisions very quickly.

You have to be able to stand up for yourself.  But realize first that you can't change the skeptic’s paradigm or outlook on life.  It is part of their human nature to not trust or except things at face value.  That is why they challenge and question everything that they come across.  They don't do this maliciously; they are just difficult people by nature.  It's not your place to change that and you shouldn’t want to.  Instead, accept it for what it is and influence accordingly.

Make no mistake; you are going to encounter very challenging situations with skeptics.  But part of being a master of influence is realizing the type of person that you're dealing with and adjusting your presentation accordingly.  It's easy to get frustrated upset or mad and want to walk away, but that's not what influence is about.  Influence is about gaining compliance from anyone.  Just as each person is different, every approach will be different.  Realize that adjusting your presentation is just part of the game.

You must always appear as an expert in whatever it is that you are influencing someone to do.  To become an expert, you must have the desire to want to learn.  Once you do learn and once you gain a level of expertise that you desire, remember that you know more about the topic at hand then the skeptic that you're trying to persuade.  Remain confident and trust in your ability even when the skeptic challenges it.

Aside from being naturally suspicious, skeptics also tend to be very rebellious people.  You should know before going into a meeting with the skeptic that all of the events that take place should go according to when they want them to take place.  This makes them feel as though they are in control, which will lower their defense mechanisms slightly.

Another challenge with skeptics is the fact that they can often go off track and skip from one subject to the next, making it difficult to follow their train of thought.  This can be frustrating, and it could cause you to want to feel as though it's not even worth your time dealing with this type of a person.  But again, if you want to become a master of influence, you need to understand that each person brings with him or herself a different set of challenges and there is always a way to overcome them.  When a skeptic starts jumping from one subject to the next, simply have the person slow down and start over again.  You could say something like.  “I'm not sure if I understood what you're saying, let's go back to what you initially said about….”

It’s especially important to not reciprocate with a combative nature.  When dealing with the skeptic, the best thing that you can do is control your emotions and your ego.  When you become confrontational with skeptics, it only makes them more aggressive, because they tend to defend their egos.  When they are in a state of defense, skeptics become difficult to influence.  When they feel like they are in control, they become relaxed, making them more susceptible to influence.

By the same token, a skeptic will not respect you if you back down easily.  They feel that if someone is correct about something, they should defend their opinion.  So when you don't defend your opinion, it makes you appear as not credible.  That's why it's extremely important to defend your point, but do so in a way that is non-combative.  Never fight fire with fire or act aggressively.  Instead, just be confident when responding to the intense questioning.  When you can stay in your ground and respond with factual information, your credibility continues to increase in the eyes of the skeptic.

As stated earlier, establishing credibility ASAP is essential towards influencing the skeptic. What’s interesting is that even if you have a proven track record or a publicly respected reputation for your expertise, earning the skeptic’s trust can still be challenging. If you assume that the skeptic will take what you have to say at face value simply because of your accomplishments, you are making a false assumption.

Always be sure to point out where you are getting the information that supports your case to the skeptic, as that holds more weight with them than the actual information itself.  Data that was obtained from a credible source will open up a skeptic’s mind to influence more than just about anything else.

While influencing skeptics can feel like a daunting task with no sign of achievement because of their strong personalities and aggressive approaches to getting their point across, it doesn’t mean that they cannot be persuaded and led to a decision just like anyone else.

Realize this fact- every time skeptics question or challenge something, it’s because they are trying to figure out how or why they might change their frame of thought.  You will eventually succeed in influencing them, you just need to be patient, answer every single question and let them take ownership over the decision.

Creating an Influential Persona

0 comments

When a person wants to influence others, he is essentially creating a distinct identity that will help the person carry out his goal. A distinct portion of this identity is called the persona. What is a persona? The Webster-Merriam Dictionary defines persona as “the identity that a person projects to the public”.

There should be confusion here. Identity in the context of influence is much more than a person‟s projected personality.

Identity involves a larger constellation of concepts that covers communication, a person‟s position within a society, etc. So let us clarify, the persona is just one component of a person‟s identity. It is not your whole identity.

But it is fortunate that a lot can be done at this level to influence others. And without the persona, you will fail to influence others immediately. And that is the most effective form of influence.

If you can project a persona of influence 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, you wouldn‟t have to worry about another project or undertaking ever again. The whole world becomes that much more accessible and manageable when you develop your own unique influential persona.

Taking Advantage of Instant Judgment

Have you ever read about infamous forgeries of famous artwork? Eventually, the police or museum authorities will call an art expert – and it doesn‟t take long for the art expert to identify whether or not the piece of art is the genuine article or not.

If the item at hand is a fake, a seasoned expert would be able to immediately tell the authorities that the item is not genuine. Art experts are usually not buggered about the details, though they may discuss key details that communicated the fact that the artwork is not the real thing.

Seasoned art experts don‟t have to think long and hard if a piece of art is fake or not; in their minds, they have archives of information that they cross-reference instantly as they examine pieces of art.

This type of cross-referencing is the key to creating an influential persona. Many people don‟t realize that they use this exact method of categorizing and comparing when they meet new people. Since people do not engage in conscious, critical thought 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, they use peripheral thinking to gauge the attributes or qualities of people, events, choices, etc.

When a person interacts with another person for the first time, the mental impulse to use cross-referencing to categorize the other person is at its strongest. Three core characteristics are used by people to subconsciously categorize other people:

1. The physical appearance of the other person

2. The way the other person communicates and how his voice sounds as he communicates

3. The person‟s positioning

Important Note:

When I say that you have to develop an influential persona, that doesn‟t meant that you have to create a false mask that you will put on whenever you feel like influencing somebody.

That‟s not the point of this method. Rather, I want you to add to your existing persona (the personality that you project) so that you become a beacon of influence wherever you are.

The problem that most people have when trying methods like this for the first time is that they apply the techniques mechanically, as if they were trying to operate some sort of machinery. That‟s not the way to do it. Instead of using these guidelines or techniques mechanically, I want you to absorb the principles and use them whenever you need them.

And I also want you to practice as often as you can on a daily basis – even if it is just ten minutes a day. Ten minutes of practice every day is more effective than sixty minutes of practice once a week.

The Ten Human Needs

0 comments

Each and every one of our human needs is directly related to the desire to achieve control.  If we want something out of life, it’s because we believe that having it will provide more control over experiencing pleasure or avoiding pain.

Some people’s human needs supersede others.  These are known as their dominate needs.  First come the survival needs, which include: food, shelter and clothing. Once those 3 needs have been filled, there are emotionally driven needs that most human beings desire.

1. Comfort/Certainty – This is the desire for comfort and/or inner peace.  No one wants to live in discomfort, and much of this comfort comes from certainty.  While we all know there is no such thing as total certainty or absolute guarantees, we all desire certainty ranging from small things like our car starting, to deeper things like the certainty that the things that bring us joy will continue to do so.

The greatest form of certainty that people desire is the certainty that they will be alive tomorrow.  For people who have dominant needs that have to do with comfort and certainty, they generally do not enjoy taking risks or being exposed to different types of environments.  Generally speaking, these people are creatures of habit.  They have associated whatever they have been doing with comfort and certainty, and so getting them to change or move in a different direction can be challenging.

You can create change in people like this if you can just show them why not changing will eventually lead to uncertainty.  The best triggers that you can use with a person who really loves comfort and security are scarcity and proof.  Obviously, if people like certainty, the best way to get them to act is to show them that their certainty is at risk if they do not make a decision soon.  I explain to them that there are limited quantities or limited time in their decision-making process using the scarcity trigger.  Because these people love certainty, you have now tap into their desire for comfort and certainty and cause them to take action to salvage the security they seek.  The best possible way to persuade them is by showing them proof that whatever you are asking them to do has worked for someone else.  While nothing in life is guaranteed, if you can show someone that whatever you have to offer has worked in the past or for someone else, you have now created a higher level of comfort and certainty for this person.

2. Variety/Adventure – As much as we want certainty, there must also be the concept of chance, risk and variety, or things would get boring. Most people still desire variety and adventure within the confines of their certainty desires.  As an example, adventurous people who enjoy skydiving like the feeling of jumping out of a plane and the risk associated with it. However, they still want to come out of the situation alive.  So even though they enjoy the risk of death, they still want the certainty of life.

The point I'm trying to make here is that when you are dealing with a person whose dominant needs include adventure and variety, the key is to understand that these desires still take place under the umbrella of certainty.  The best triggers to use with these types of people include proof, because people who like variety need to know for a fact that something will be adventurous or will vary from something that they are used to.  The best way to show someone how different or how adventurous something may be is through the proof.  Scarcity works very well too because urgency is directly related to adventure.  Urgency completely changes the perception of the situation.

3. Significance – This is the desire to feel important.  No one wants to feel as though his or her life meant nothing after he or she has passed away.  Deep down within all of us is the desire to be significant in life, but for some people, significance is more important than anything else.  These people have a strong urge to prove themselves and to make a difference in the world.  If something great in life happens they want their name to be attached to it.  They want to be the driving force behind all great things that happen in life.  One of the most effective triggers to use with people whose dominant need is significance is the dissonance trigger or the internal conflict trigger.  Feelings are a big part of these people's lives and what drives them to think and behave in a certain way.  Cognitive dissonance creates feelings of discomfort or uneasiness within someone.  So any time that you can show people why their decision to not comply with you would cause them to lose the opportunity to be significant, or even worse make them look insignificant, you have organically created cognitive dissonance within them.

Now all you need to do is show them how being in compliance with you would make them feel significant.  Once you demonstrate this idea, you have instantly relieved the dissonance.  Using the law of connection is also very effective when dealing with a person whose dominant need is significance; because significance is defined by the way the rest of the world perceives us.  In order for someone to be viewed as significant, there must be an audience involved.  There also must be another party involved, because doing anything of great significance usually has a positive impact on another party.  Therefore, if you can use the connection trigger to create rapport with people, they will then feel that being in compliance with you will make them be significant.

4. Freedom – Although all human needs correlate to control, freedom is also closely related.  Most people do not want to feel as though they are being forced to do things in life, but would rather have the freedom to decide.  As I said earlier, people prefer the path of least resistance and people do not enjoy things associated with pain.

In the minds of most people, freedom represents the exact opposite of those two things.  Freedom represents pleasure and it represents choice.  It represents the ability to do whatever you want whenever you want in life.  And for some people, this is the driving force behind everything that they do.  In fact, some people will experience great amounts of pain and go through paths of extreme resistance if they believe that these experiences will lead to freedom at the end.

One of the most powerful triggers that you can use for people who desire freedom is the law of contrast.  If you can show comparatively how their decision to comply with you, versus anyone else, would lead them to freedom, they will be more likely to do whatever it is that you asked them to do.   The same is true for if you can show them how different their life could be if they complied with you by using the law of contrast.

Proof is another technique that works extremely well with people who are looking for freedom.  Remember, if people are willing to engage in activities that they hate the most like pain or resistance just to get to freedom, they need as many reasons or as much proof as possible to show them that they will actually achieve freedom towards the end.

For example, if I'm a good writer but I don't enjoy writing particularly because it involves a lot of thought, a lot of time and a lot of work, chances are I don't write that often.  However, if someone could show me is that by writing a certain book using a certain system that has been proven to work that I would make $10 million and be able to be financially free, I would now be more motivated to write each and every day.  The scarcity trigger works extremely well too because freedom is a desire that can easily be quantified.  In other words, you're either free or you're not free.  So, if you can show people how being in compliance with you can change their lives and give them freedom  but then show them how if they don't act soon, they will lose their freedom, they will be doubly motivated to take action very quickly.

5. Connection/Love- Relationships nurture the soul and magnify the human experience.  The more relationships we have and the deeper they are, the more fulfilled we feel.  This is why people have the desire to be part a community, to care for others and to be cared about.  Deep down inside, all sane human beings want to experience love and connection on some level.  Even introverts or people who don't enjoy crowds still desire connection and love on some level.  If, in fact, you find someone that desires love and connection more than the average person scarcity works rather well.  If you can show someone why if they don't act quickly they will lose their opportunity to feel love and connection, they will be motivated more to seek it.  We see this in the dating all the time.  The scarcer or less available one person makes himself, the more the other person desires him.

Another trigger that works extremely well with people who are interested in love and connection is association.  Any time that we are attracted to someone who we believe is attractive to everyone, we become even more attracted to that person.  So if you can show someone why, whatever you have to offer is wanted and valuable by many other people, what you have to offer now becomes even more desirable.  This is why men who are not so great looking, but tend to have a lot of girlfriends, live this way.  Regardless of how good-looking or not he is, the moment a woman sees a man with a woman who's very good-looking or with a number of women, he suddenly becomes more attractive.  These types of thoughts usually run through their minds- what does he have to offer that makes them so attracted to him?  He must have something great to offer for so many other women to like him.  This is the law of association at its best.

6. Growth – We’ve all heard the saying if you’re not growing, you’re dying.  Growth - be it spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically or financially - improves our overall quality of life.  Some people really have a huge desire to grow.  It doesn't matter if in the process they achieve freedom, love, significance or any other desires for that matter, as long as they feel they are growing in some way.  One trigger is extremely effective with people who desire growth is proof.  If you can show someone why doing something your way has been proven to help others grow, he or she will be motivated to do whatever you asked,

The same is true of association.  If you can associate what you have to offer with the results that other people have gained through using it, people will be prompted to take action.  People who desire growth tend to know that quick fixes are always a reality.  Therefore, many of them are very good with commitments.  One of the biggest reasons why people can't keep commitments is because their point of view on whatever they committed to changed after the time they committed to it. People who desire growth know that stakes can change entirely and they can easily become unmotivated.  However, they continue anyway..  That's why it's extremely important to get these types of people to make commitments as soon as possible.  While results show that most people who make commitments keep them, people who desire growth more than anything else generally keep their commitments more than most people.

7. Contribution – This is the desire to contribute something of value to the world and somehow make it better place.  Contribution is very similar to the desire for significance, although contribution is more of a selfless desire; whereas, significance has to do more with the way someone will feel after doing something.  People who desire to contribute more than anything else are more concerned with how other people will feel or the difference they can make in someone else's life than they are with their own lives.  The best trigger that you can use for these types of people has to do with the law of connection.  All you simply need to do is create a strong rapport and a strong connection with someone, and then show them how complying with your request can change their life for the better.  They will instantly want to contribute and want to help you.

Another powerful trigger is the verbiage trigger.  If you can create your presentation in a way that drives home the fact that this person would be helping or contributing to someone else's life very dramatically, their odds of complying with you will be much higher than if you structure the presentation around their needs and desires.  Yet, another trigger that's extremely powerful is the reciprocity trigger.  If you can contribute something in some way to this type of a person he or she will instantly feel the need to return the favor.  Find a way to do something that will positively impact or contribute to this person's life first, and you will have basically laid the groundwork for them to do the same for you.  Expectations are another extremely effective trigger to use with people who desire contribution, because if they know that you're expecting them to comply with you, you've already created a scenario where they feel the need to contribute.

8. Power – Of all human needs, power is the one most closely related to control.  The desire for power is to feel in complete control over all things at all times and can encompass all other needs.  It can also represent itself as the desire to feel superior at all times.  People who desire power more than anything else always want to feel as if they are in control and do not ever like to feel threatened in any way.

These people can often feel threatened for no good reason, if they are around someone who in their mind is more powerful than them.  The key to dealing with people who desire power is to always make them feel more superior.  As the great quote says, “Never outshine the Master.”  People who desire power like to feel as though they have the best of everything.

That's why using the contrast trigger is extremely powerful.  You see, if you can show someone the difference between what you have to offer and why it is so much better than the alternatives by using contrast, people like this will automatically block what you have because in their mind they believe it makes them more powerful.  Association works very well too because if you can associate what you have to other people with power, these types of people will want it as well.

9. Expression – Expression is the desire to express the feelings within. The need for expression can correlate to the need for contribution and significance, but it can also stand by itself, as many artists use their creativity for no other purpose than to release it.  People who have a strong desire for expression can have that desires lead them into other desires when deep down inside all they want to do is release whatever it is that is inside of them.  The verbiage trigger works extremely well if you can tailor your presentation in a way where people will feel that there are no strings attached and that they will be able to fully express themselves by complying.

10. Balance – The need for balance is strongly related to the cognitive dissonance theory.  People whose dominant human need is for balance don’t necessarily care if something is right or wrong, they are more concerned with things being equal.

To them the world operates on the premise that all events that take place must balance each other out.  If balance isn’t achieved, things seem oddly wrong to them.

When influencing a person whose dominant human need is balance, it's important to point out how whatever you have to offer doesn't take away from something else.  In fact, it's more important to focus on how it makes things equal.

For example, if you're trying to persuade someone to buy a car and your target is hesitating because the monthly payment is going to cause an imbalance in the amount of money that he or she has, show all the things that he or she will be able to get done with their car so that you can create the balance needed for your target to make a decision.

The 3 Types Of Eye Gazes

0 comments

Recently I posted an article about some of (what I consider to be) very interesting facts about the eyes and how you can learn a lot about what a person is thinking by simply paying closer attention to things like pupil dilation.

Someone had posted a comment which was actually a question about how you can stare into a person’s eyes without looking like a “weirdo”.

In other words, how do you look deep enough into their eyes to determine if the pupils are dilated without appearing obvious to the degree that the person feels uncomfortable?

I answered that question but felt it would be even better to really elaborate on the topic of looking into someone’s eyes.

Ok. So first and foremost, according to body language experts Allan and Barbara Pease, when it comes to gazing, there are basically three types: Social Gazing, Intimate Gazing and Power Gazing.

1.) Social Gazing – Much research on gazing has shown that most people focus on a triangular area between the eyes and the mouth on another person’s face for around 90% of the gaze time during social encounters.

2.) Intimate Gazing – When approaching another person from a distance, we usually look quickly at their face and then to the lower body. We do this first to determine their sex and then to determine our interest level in them. This gaze is across the eyes and below the chin to lower parts of the other person’s body. During close encounters, it’s the triangular areas between the eyes and chest. During encounters from far away, it’s from the eyes to the groin or lower. This gaze is used by both men and women alike to show interest in others and to reciprocate when this type gaze is placed on them from someone they find interesting. It typically consists of 2 quick glances followed by a look at their face. What’s interesting is how most people think that men do this more than women when in fact the opposite is true. Research has shown that women check men out more than men check out women but the difference lies the ability to make it obvious which women are equipped to do better as their range of peripheral vision (45 degrees) is much wider than that of a man's. This means she can basically appear as though she is looking at a man’s face but actually be looking below his waist…..talk about a hidden advantage.

3.) Power Gazing – Power gazing takes place when a person focuses on the area in between the eyes of another person. It’s almost as if there’s an imaginary third eye on the face. Focusing on this area automatically lets the person know you mean business and creates a very serious atmosphere.

So back to the original question on how you can pay attention to the pupils without coming across as a weirdo.

The answer is simple. First, remember that environment dictates a lot. If you’re meeting someone for the first time in casual setting, use the social gaze and check for pupil dilation from time to time. This will prevent you from appearing obvious. If you are on a date with someone or are in an intimate setting, then intimate gazing is acceptable and there’s usually a general understanding that this is the way most people look at each other in these environments. This also makes it a lot easier to check for pupil dilation because staring into someone’s eyes in an intimate environment is not unordinary; it’s expected. And if you find yourself in a serious conversation with someone and you are checking for pupil dilation, chances are that person won’t even be thinking about it. Instead, they will be too wrapped up in the serious subject matter.

More Framing Research Shows Compliance Rates Quadrupled

0 comments

One study by Kahneman, Slovic And Tversky proved yet again how powerful framing truly is.

They presented hundreds of subjects with two situations and asked which option they would choose.

Situation A: You win $1,000 in a game. You now have a choice between a guaranteed $500 or a 50% chance of winning an additional $1,000  and a 50% of winning nothing.

Situation B: You win $2,000. You now have a choice between a guaranteed loss of $500 or a 50% chance of losing $1,000 and 50% chance of losing nothing.

In situation A, 84% of people chose the first option which was the guaranteed $1,500. Only 16% took the 50/50 chance of getting either the $1,000 or $2,000.

In situation B, 31% of people chose the first option (the guaranteed $1,500). 69% of people were willing to gamble on the 50/50 chance of ending up with either the $1,000 or $2,000.

Both of these situations are IDENTICAL.

In both cases, you are deciding between a guaranteed $1,500 or a a 50/50 chance of ending up with $1,000 or $2,000 yet because of the framing in situation B, we see the response rate more than quadruple in favor of that option.

Imagine if you could multiply the amount of times people say "yes" to you by 4 by simply changing a few words.

How would this impact your income, your relationships, your opportunities?

Realize this; people respond more to the way that information is presented to them than to the content of the information itself.

People will also almost always choose a guaranteed win/gain over any future risk but they will allow their current losses to run till the wheels fall off simply because they're already heavily vested.

Think about how this information applies to what you do in life and begin to figure out how you can apply it and see better results.

If you're in sales or business, it's pretty easy to relate but even on personal levels, think of how you can apply this information when you make requests from your friends, family, children, lover, etc.

It works.