Much of what you read about on this site has to do with verbal communication. But the truth of the matter is that when it comes to influence and persuasion, verbal communication actually matters the least.
The reason why I write so much about verbal communication is because I think much of the tactics are easier to understand and easier to relate to by most people. But who knows….I could be just assuming.
In any event the study non-verbal communication (primarily body language) is not only something that has fascinated me for many years but it's also an essential area that one needs to understand if you really plan on mastering this influence/persuasion stuff.
There are 3 main reasons for this.
First, endless research suggests that we are perceived through body language more than 55% of the time we are communicating.
Secondly, because of this we should pay very close attention to the signals that we are giving off to others when trying to gain compliance from them as we can be sending messages to them physically that completely contradict what we are saying verbally.
Thirdly, understanding the mechanics behind body language will enable us to better understand what our target is thinking so we can adjust our presentation accordingly.
When it comes to body language, one of the most important parts of the body to pay attention to are the eyes. This may not necessarily be news to you. You've probably heard things like "if a person can't look you in the eye, they're probably lying" or "if a person keeps looking away, they're probably not interested in what you have to say".
Nothing really groundbreaking there. So today I wanted to share (what I believe)to be some truly amazing facts about the eyes and body language that hopefully you haven't heard before that will help you.
The first has to do with pupils. Did you know that when a person gets excited, their pupils can dilate up to four times their original size? And when a person becomes angry or agitated, the pupils contract and become much smaller.
Former head of the Department of Psychology at the University of Chicago Eckhard Hess found that a person's general state of arousal affects pupil dilation.
What's interesting is the subject matter that actually causes the dilation and how it actually differs in men and women.
For example, in one study that Hess performed on pupil response he showed 5 pictures to respondents which included a baby, a naked female, a landscape, a mother and a baby and a naked male.
As predicted, the pupils of heterosexual men dilated most when looking at the naked woman. The pupils of gay men dilated most when looking at the picture of the naked man but the pupils of the women dilated most when looking at the picture of the mother and baby with the picture of the naked man coming in second.
Here's another interesting fact. Humans are the only primates that have the sclera or "white of the eye". This part of the eye evolved over time as communication aid to help humans see where other people are looking because the direction of our eyes are directly linked to our emotional states. Because women are actually better hardwired to read emotions, they actually have more white in their eyes.
So what's my point in sharing this information? Well more than anything else, I wanted to share something that I thought you hadn't heard before and maybe create a little shock value.
But aside from that, I wanted to to point out the fact that the eyes are in fact the windows to soul and there is ALOT we can learn about other people through them.
I will actually be writing a lot more about this topic but I wanted to start with a few interesting facts first.
Oh yeah, here's one more. Dilated pupils are actually perceived as more attractive than constricted ones.
In fact, Revlon was actually able to increase sales of their lipsticks by almost 45% by simply enlarging the pupils of the models in the photos…..pretty amazing.
Next time you're having a conversation with someone, pay attention to their pupils.
If they're dilated, chances are they're excited or interested in what you have to say. If they're constricted (and the room is not unusually bright), they're either annoyed, agitated or irritated.
Might be time to shut up 🙂