Author Archives: Paul Mascetta

What Lies In The Eyes? Apparently A Lot

0 comments

Much of what you read about on this site has to do with verbal communication. But the truth of the matter is that when it comes to influence and persuasion, verbal communication actually matters the least.

The reason why I write so much about verbal communication is because I think much of the tactics are easier to understand and easier to relate to by most people. But who knows….I could be just assuming.

In any event the study non-verbal communication (primarily body language) is not only something that has fascinated me for many years but it's also an essential area that one needs to understand if you really plan on mastering this influence/persuasion stuff.

There are 3 main reasons for this.

First, endless research suggests that we are perceived through body language more than 55% of the time we are communicating.

Secondly, because of this we should pay very close attention to the signals that we are giving off to others when trying to gain compliance from them as we can be sending messages to them physically that completely contradict what we are saying verbally.

Thirdly, understanding the mechanics behind body language will enable us to better understand what our target is thinking so we can adjust our presentation accordingly.

When it comes to body language, one of the most important parts of the body to pay attention to are the eyes. This may not necessarily be news to you. You've probably heard things like "if a person can't look you in the eye, they're probably lying" or "if a person keeps looking away, they're probably not interested in what you have to say".

Nothing really groundbreaking there. So today I wanted to share (what I believe)to be some truly amazing facts about the eyes and body language that hopefully you haven't heard before that will help you.

The first has to do with pupils. Did you know that when a person gets excited, their pupils can dilate up to four times their original size? And when a person becomes angry or agitated, the pupils contract and become much smaller.

Former head of the Department of Psychology at the University of Chicago Eckhard Hess found that a person's general state of arousal affects pupil dilation.

What's interesting is the subject matter that actually causes the dilation and how it actually differs in men and women.

For example, in one study that Hess performed on pupil response he showed 5 pictures to respondents which included a baby, a naked female, a landscape, a mother and a baby and a naked male.

As predicted, the pupils of heterosexual men dilated most when looking at the naked woman. The pupils of gay men dilated most when looking at the picture of the naked man but the pupils of the women dilated most when looking at the picture of the mother and baby with the picture of the naked man coming in second.

Here's another interesting fact. Humans are the only primates that have the sclera or "white of the eye". This part of the eye evolved over time as communication aid to help humans see where other people are looking because the direction of our eyes  are directly linked to our emotional states. Because women are actually better hardwired to read emotions, they actually have more white in their eyes.

So what's my point in sharing this information? Well more than anything else, I wanted to share something that I thought you hadn't heard before and maybe create a little shock value.

But aside from that, I wanted to to point out the fact that the eyes are in fact the windows to soul and there is ALOT we can learn about other people through them.

I will actually be writing a lot more about this topic but I wanted to start with a few interesting facts first.

Oh yeah, here's one more. Dilated pupils are actually perceived as more attractive than constricted ones.

In fact, Revlon was actually able to increase sales of their lipsticks by almost 45% by simply enlarging the pupils of the models in the photos…..pretty amazing.

Next time you're having a conversation with someone, pay attention to their pupils.

If they're dilated, chances are they're excited or interested in what you have to say. If they're constricted (and the room is not unusually bright), they're either annoyed, agitated or irritated.

Might be time to shut up 🙂

Case Studies On Mirroring Reenforce It's Power

0 comments

Ever order food in a restaurant only to have the server respond by saying "ok" or "coming right up?"

How does this make you feel?

At first glance, you may think you feel indifferent about receiving either one of those responses but subconsciously you would probably prefer if they repeated the order back to you. At least that's what the subjects in Rick van Barren's case study showed.

In fact, diners in one restaurant increased their tip sizes by nearly 70% simply because the server repeated the order back to them.

Can you imagine increasing the amount of money you receive each day by simply changing a few words? This is extremely powerful.

Aside from the element of interest displayed by ensuring the order is correct, the server is also mirroring the diner.

Similar to matching, mirroring is basically when you align your actions or movements with that of your target and countless studies have proven how effective it is.

Take the experiment by social psychologists Tanya Chartrand and John Bargh where one group of research assistants were asked to mirror the posture and behavior of subject while another group was told not to.

When the study concluded, the participants who were paired with an assistant who mirrored felt that interactions went smoother than those who were paired with assistants that did not.

Another researcher by the name of William Maddux and his colleagues conducted a set of experiments on mirroring during negotiation sessions. During the trial MBA students were either asked to subtly mirror their partner or not mirror them at all.

The results showed that the group who mirrored were 67% likely to reach a deal whereas the group who didn't mirror was only 12.5% likely.

Mirroring creates connection through similarity. When we feel similar to someone, we are more likely to open up to them because we feel comfortable around them. Oftentimes, it's the details that we disclose during  a state of comfort that allow agreements to be reached.

Aside from that, when we feel similar to someone we are more open to their point of view and more likely to accept their opinions.

Never underestimate the power of mirroring. It continues to prove itself over and over again.

A Logical Explanation For Illogical Behavior

0 comments

According to the Triune Brain Model which was popularized by a physician and neuroscientist by the name of Paul MacLean in the 1960's, there are 3 major regions to the brain:

The Reptilian Complex - Also known as the R-complex or the "reptilian brain" is the oldest part of the brain and is what MacLean believed was the first brain that humans developed over 100 million years ago. The reptilian brain is responsible for our survival instincts and processes like breathing, circulation, digestion and fight/flight responses.

The Limbic System - This region supports functions which include long term memory, emotion and behaviors like finding food and self preservation.

The Neo Cortex - The youngest (or most recently developed) region of the brain is the area that most people refer to when they speak of the left and right hemispheres of the brain. This region in responsible for planning, logic, creativity, imagination and dreaming.

I'm not a psychologist and I don't pretend to be one but based on the research and study that I have done, I subscribe to MacLean's theories because they explain much of why people react the way they do to certain stimuli.

The reptilian brain in particular is a subject that I find to be particularly interesting because it provides a better understanding of why the influential tactics that have been shown to be effective actually work.

You see, in a perfect world we would be functioning in a fully conscious state using mostly the Neo Cortex but the truth is that doing so involves amounts of mental work and energy that most people are simply not willing to invest.

Instead, they function primarily on "autopilot" in a survivalist state of mind most of the time. Many marketing experts speak to the reptilian brain when designing campaigns because they know how most people will react to them.

There are many people who believe that these mind control tactics are unethical and are pushing for a movement for people to become more thought conscious and thereby less susceptible to these attempts to become programmed to buy.

I'm a big believer in people becoming more thought conscious. I think anyone who is truly fascinated by the human mind would be.

But the truth of the matter is that such a thing just isn't realistic at this point. This is the way that the majority of people function mentally. This information serves us immensely in the world of influence and persuasion because it gives us a better understanding of how the mind works.

How you choose to use this information is completely up to you. My hope is that you use it ethically and for reasons that will provide "win win" solutions for those you are trying to gain compliance from.

Clotaire Rapaille is a psychologist turned marketing specialist whose work I admire very much.

Rapaille is the guy who all the big companies call in when their sales are plummeting to turn things around because of his ability to understand the unconscious "codes" that each of us assign to different things.

According to Rapaille, mental imprints which are based on experience, emotion and cultural norms are formed in the minds of people when they are very young causing them to make subconcious associations with things that they can't even identify on conscious levels.

He also believes that in a three way battle between the limbic, cortical and reptilian brain, the reptilian brain always wins because surveil always comes first. Therefore, he contends that all buying decisions from people are the result of what's happening in the reptilian brain.

If you ask me, results always speak louder than any other voice. And Rapaille's results are very impressive. He's helped companies like Jeep, Chrysler and L'oreal drastically increase their bottom lines using his expertise.

The key to remember here is the role of the reptilian brain in the way people behave. The more you know and understand about how people are wried for survival, the better you can taylor your influence and persuasion tactics.

Trust And Loyalty

0 comments

Persuasion is a mind game. First, you must work on your state of mind and then your target's.

Your target's mindset and decisions are dictated by their belief systems, which can be altered by their emotions.  But in order for you to determine how to stimulate that emotion, you must first know about the belief systems of people.

Most people's belief systems are developed at a very early age as a result of experiences that they've had in life or through messages that they received from people of importance, such as parents, or those who raised them from a very early age.  Now, this is common knowledge, as most people know that beliefs are formed based on prior experience.  However, what most people don't know is that human beings generally have a very distorted recollection of their previous experiences.  In other words, people often remember things much differently than the way they actually happened.  This means that even though they are formulating beliefs based on what they believe to be true, oftentimes whatever they are remembering didn't actually happen that way.

When consumers go into a store to purchase something, they would like to believe that they spend as much time as possible analyzing and scrutinizing the product at hand to make the best decision.  However, in reality, that decision to buy or not buy takes place in just 5 seconds.  In other words, there is a process, and there is no time for decision.  In fact, the conscious or logical aspect of the mind is not even at work.  The truth is that they unconsciously made their decision to purchase the product before they even left the house.

Now there is one factor that drives this unconscious process, and it's known as trust.  A large amount of trust is enough to make people do anything.  People have extreme medical conditions and require surgery, but only allow a professional surgeon to operate on them.  Why?  It’s because of trust.  In fact, when most people go to the doctor and receive a diagnosis they accept the diagnosis, because it came from a “Dr. someone” whose opinion they trust.  So the first key in the persuasion process is to build trust.  Once you've done that, it will then spin off into loyalty.

Loyalty essentially is something that's very embedded in people, and it involves a lot of behaviors that become habitual once someone has formed the habit.  It can be typically can be difficult to break them from it.  So this can work in your favor or against you.  If you are trying to convince someone to do something that is the opposite of something else that they are already emotionally invested in, trust or are loyal to, your job is going to be harder.  But once you'll gain their trust and start building loyalty toward you, it will be harder for anyone else to persuade them to move in opposite direction.

I consider myself a pretty trustworthy person, but just because I know that I'm trustworthy, doesn't mean that other people will think the same.  In fact, I don't expect them to.  It would be nice if people trusted me on face value, but the fact of the matter is if they don't know me, I have to bring something to the table, and that something is usually an answer, a remedy or a solution to a problem that they have.  All I simply need to do is show them how I can help them and get them to take a chance on working with me.

One way to establish trust right away is by creating a reputation for yourself at being very good at what you do. In other words, let your results speak for themselves. Once people can see what you're capable of, they will exhibit sme level of trust for you; even if it's small.

Does Admitting Mistakes Hurt Your Credibility?

0 comments

I’ve never been a fan of blaming other people for my mistakes. It just seems cowardly and childish.

Now I’m not saying I’m perfect as I have PLENTY of faults.

Take for example my habit of sneaking to my favorite roast beef joint 3 nights a week with my friend and completely destroying whatever work I did in the gym that day.

Or perhaps my ability to be extremely interested, immersed and even obsessed with something one day and then have absolutely no desire to even look at it the next…..talk about lack of consistency.

Point being is that I’m far from perfect but the one thing I’ve always prided myself on was the fact that I can usually admit when I’m wrong. This is just something that I’ve never had a problem with like many people do.

You see, many people get caught up with always wanting to be right or never making mistakes but the truth is mistakes are part of being human.

“But Paul doesn’t admitting that you make mistakes damage your credibility which in turn has a negative effect on your ability to influence?” The answer (much to many people’s surprise) is no; it actually enhances your ability to influence.

There are 2 reasons why I say that. The first has to do with personal experience and the other has to do with flat out proof from case studies.

If you personally couldn’t care less about my personal experience and just want the facts, feel free to skip down a few more lines to the case studies.

In my personal experience, anytime you can admit that you’ve made a mistake, you automatically increase your credibility because you appear to be humble and honest; both of which lead to credibility.

Admitting you’re wrong also makes you appear to be well rounded and conscious of all factors when presenting an opinion. This way, when there is a time where you find yourself in debate or disagreement with someone and you’re standing firm, people will respect your position. They won’t just write you off as someone who “always thinks they’re right.”

Admitting you made a mistake also reinforces the fact that you are human which helps people to connect more easily with you. Anytime a person feels they can connect with you, your ability to influence them increases.

Ok, now for the proof. Social scientist Fiona Lee and her colleagues conducted a study to determine if organizations that performed poorly over the course of a year are viewed more positively by the public when they take responsibility for their mistakes and attribute them to something internal or when they shift blame and suggest that external factors were the cause.

They divided participants into 2 groups. One group was an annual report which blamed internal (and potentially controllable) factors while the second group was given a report that blamed external factors.

The results showed that participants who viewed report A (which focused on internal mistakes) viewed the company more positively on number of different levels than the second group who viewed the other report.

Here’s where things get really interesting. The researchers wanted to take things one step further to see if their hypotheses were in fact correct so they collected similar statements from the annual reports of fourteen different companies over 21 years.

They discovered a very interesting trend in that those companies which essentially took accountability and blamed internal, controllable factors on poor earnings,  actually had higher stock process one year later than companies that blamed external factors.

This confirms that people are generally more likely to comply and do business with people or organizations that take responsibility for their mistakes.

Now I’m not insinuating that simply admitting to mistakes gives you the privilege to keep making them and get away with it.  In fact, my belief is that much of these results are predicated on the actual mistake itself meaning that the level of severity does in fact play a role.

Admitting that you made the wrong choice when you hired someone or that you picked a bad stock is different than admitting you outright stole from someone. Each will have a different set of consequences.

That being said, never assume that admitting mistakes will negatively affect you ability to influence.

In most cases, it can actually help.

Persuasion Key Number One: Begin With The End In Mind

0 comments

One of the greatest books I ever read in my life is called “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Dr. Stephen R. Covey.  In his book, Stephen mentions habit number two, which is “Begin with the end in mind.”  This is one of the most powerful habits that anyone could ever have, because it involves visualization.  This step is extremely powerful for a number of reasons.

First, the mind cannot distinguish the difference between a dream and reality.  This is the reason why oftentimes when we dream, we wake up and feel like the dream is still happening.  Experience in life makes us better at certain things, because it equips us with knowledge and it helps build confidence and experience.  The mind can't really distinguish the difference between events that actually take place in your life versus events that are imagined.

One of the best ways to gain the experience of a real-life situation is by imagining it in your mind.  So if you can effectively visualize yourself becoming an expert at persuasion, and more specifically, clearly envision yourself persuading the person that you're about to begin speaking to, the odds are that you will become that much more effective.

Beginning with the end in mind also allows you to clearly see every step that's about to take place.  Oftentimes when we start from the beginning with no picture of what the end will look like, we can often be going through a sequence of steps that can change direction at various different times, because we think that making that change in direction will help us.  However, in reality, what this does sometimes is take us off the path to where we wind up in a completely different destination than where we started.

This is why it's extremely important to begin with the end in mind.  If you can begin with the end in mind, than you already know where your destination is.  Then it's just a matter of figuring out the steps that you need to take prior to getting there that lead up to where you are right now.  This leaves no room for straying off your path and winding up in unknown territory.

Persuasion begins in the mind.  The only way to better the chances of you getting what you want is to be clear about it. Once you are clear, everything else begins to fall into place.

I ask people all the time about what they want out of life and in most cases, the answers are so ambiguous. "I want more money, a better career, a perfect soul mate, etc."

While these desires are certainly nice and much better than wanting to get high and drunk all day, they are not clearly defined. When you are not clear about the specific outcome that you want (in any given situation) it is very unlikely that you will experience that outcome.

This is especially true of the persuasion process. If you want someone to do something specific, be clear about it and then begin to put a plan in place to make it happen.

As the old saying goes "ask and you shall receive". Believe it or not, you have mental faculties way beyond what you can even imagine. Even if the outcome seems impossible at first, it doesn't matter. Think of the outcome that you desire and keep asking yourself how it can be achieved. Eventually, the mind will start providing you with answers.

At first, those answers may be ridiculous or way off the mark but you have at least begun the process of getting closer to answers you want.

Think of whatever it is that you want from your target and visualize what the process of them complying with you looks like. Then, begin to envision every event that would have to take place prior for that to happen.

Case Study: People Make No Sense

0 comments

Researchers at Princeton University conducted a study on the effects of framing to see how it impacts people’s responses.

They divided students into two groups. Group 1 was asked to imagine scenario in which they were on their way to a show only to realize that they had lost their tickets once they arrived at the theatre.

They were then asked if they would buy another ticket.

Group 2 was asked to imagine a similar scenario only this time the person hadn’t actually purchased a ticket yet but when they arrive at the theatre, they realize they have lost a $10 bill.

They were then asked if they would still buy a ticket.

Here are the results:

The people in Group 1 (who imagined that they lost the tickets that they already paid for) were 46% likely to buy another ticket.

The people in Group 2 (who lost the $10 in cash) were 88% likely to buy another ticket.

Pay close attention here. The people in both groups have lost something valued at $10 but the people in group are almost twice as likely to still make a purchase of something in the same amount.

What does this tell us? Well for starters it proves just how illogical people really are.

We are talking about the same amount of money on both cases but seeing 2 completely different response rates.

There is no logical explanation for this. Even if perhaps you ventured to guess that it has something to do with the associations that people make with losing something once and trying to regain it as opposed to trying to gain something that you didn’t have in the first place, it still doesn’t make sense because both items  have the same value.

The key takeaway here is that nothing about the way people make decisions is logical; it’s all emotional.

Keeping that in mind, you can use the dynamic of anticipated regret to get your target to comply with your requests.

People do not like loss. Loss equals pain and if you can show your target how not complying will eventually result in loss and pain, they will take action to avoid that anticipated regret.

Write down 10 things that your target potentially has to lose by not getting involved in your offer and then tactfully point them out during your presentation.

Case Study: More Choices Equals More Problems

0 comments

Researchers at Stanford University conducted a study at a grocery store where they set up tasting booths that offered selections of jam for people to taste.

One table featured 24 different types of jam while the other only featured 6.

Here are the stats for tasting: 60 percent of people who stopped at the table with 24 jams tasted while only 40 percent of those who stopped at the table with 6 jams tasted. Why? My guess is the larger selection is more appealing and interesting to most people.

Here’s where things get interesting though.

Here are the stats for the PURCHASING (this is what we really care about) - Of the people who stopped at the table with 6 jams, 30 percents actually made a purchase whereas only 3 percent of people who visited the other table (with 24 jams) made a purchase. That means people were 10 times more likely to buy from the table with less choices….ten times!

Imagine if you could increase your amount of sales by that much. Or, even if you’re not selling anything, image if you could just make people ten times more likely to comply with you. It’s a pretty amazing and powerful thing.

So what’s the takeaway?  People like choices and are attracted to them because it gives them a sense of freedom but too many choices will actually cause your target to freeze up and do nothing.

This has to do with cognitive dissonance which is a feeling that surfaces when you are faced with 2 or more choices and don’t know which one is more aligned with your true inner beliefs. You see, people like to act in accordance with their true inner beliefs and values. When they don’t, they experience overwhelm, anxiousness and general feelings of discomfort.

When you start giving people too many options, it becomes harder to decide and this causes the person to want to escape the feeling by not making ANY decision.

Realize this, every time you offer another choice or option, you reduce the odds of your target buying or complying right then and there.

Lack of choices also brings about a sense of scarcity which makes people desire things more. Remember, the less available something appears to be, the more the human mind desires to have it.

Five Ways To Repel People (What To Avoid)

0 comments

Influence is really all about connecting with other people. Many times however, people think they are connecting, engaging, intriguing or entertaining but in reality, they are repelling their target without even realizing it.

Here's the deal, whether you choose to realize it or not, there is a formula for effectively influencing others and it involves some rules that you MUST follow if you want to achieve the desired result.

One very important rule is to not piss people off and have them itching to escape their interaction with you.

"But Paul, I would never do anything to make such a thing happen".

Think again, if you are doing anything even remotely related to what I'm about to mention here, you should begin to rethink your approach when interacting with others.

Here we go:

Wrong Volume Selection - There are 3 levels of volume that you can use when speaking; too low, too loud or just right. Guess which one is correct. Seems like common sense but many people either speak so low that their target gets tired of listening and starts listening to other things like other people's conversations, their thoughts or music in the background or they speak at a volume that others find annoying and irritating. Either one of these will cause you to lose your target so pay attention and make sure you speak loud enough that they can hear you but low enough to not annoy them.

Improper Attire - Let's face it; looks may not be everything but they sure as hell matter. Within the first 4 seconds of meeting you, your target is making rapid unconscious decisions about what they think of you. Much of this dates back to the primate days where we would have to figure out if someone else posed a threat to us or could help us. The result is that people try to figure out what status you have in society when they first meet you. Therefore, it's extremely important to dress accordingly. If you're at a business meeting with professionals that will be in suits and ties, do the same. If you're closing a deal with a tattoo artist at a rock concert, it's a different story. My point is that there is no set right and wrong on attire but it should be predicated on the occasion and environment.

Talking Too Much - Yes, the ability to open up and talk to others is a favorable trait to have as a persuader but remember, if you're doing all the talking; you're not learning about your target. That will make it hard to influence them. Aside from that, people love to hear themselves talk (about stuff they are educated about or find interesting). Giving them the opportunity to do so, will make them feel more comfortable around you. Comfort leads to compliance.

Invading Personal Space - Again, this goes back to the primate instinct of self protection and defense. People do not their personal space invaded so be sure to maintain at least a foot of distance between your toes and theirs if you're facing one another.

Poor Use Of Body Language - This one is a whole product itself (one which I am working on right now actually). Non-verbal communication accounts for more than 55% of the communication between human beings yet most people think what they say has more power than what they do. And in most cases, what they do is done unconsciously. This means that what you think you're doing right with your mouth can be ruined but what you don't even know you're doing with your body. Pay attention to both your body language as well as your targets.

Again, this is by no means the complete list of things to avoid but it should give you a basic idea of what you may be doing wrong.