Author Archives: Paul Mascetta

A Shortcut to Persuasion: Storytelling, Part 2

May 14, 2012 0 comments

Effective storytelling can spell the difference between a captivating and persuasive dialog and a boring and energy-sapping interaction. As the influencer you are responsible not only for providing hard facts and argument; you are also obliged to be a good storyteller.

Good storytellers rarely fail because they can gain rapport with their subjects more quickly than influencers who rely solely on rational arguments. Good storytellers are much more successful because they can exert some degree of control over the subject’s emotions and imagination.

And as you may already know, it’s actually easier to persuade or influence someone if you have access to the person’s subconscious mind. The subconscious mind actually has some degree of control over the decision-making process.

When the imagination and emotions are fired up strategically, a person is able to say “yes” with little or no hesitation. Below are some more strategic guidelines to make your stories more effective when it comes to persuading and influencing others:

# 1 Create a story that breaks their current mental trances

People spend their days within the influence of mental trances. Each subject has a specific mental trance that you would have to break in order to get your message across. For example, your subject may be preoccupied with work-related problems or family problems.

A person’s trance acts like vale that prevents you from embedding subconscious commands. As a storyteller, one of your biggest goals is to shatter the subject’s current trance (whatever it may be) and transport the subject to another dimension where your words, ideas and internal representations are at the very center.

Spin a yarn so well-made that the subject would willingly get out of his current trance to pay attention to the experiences you are relating through your stories.

# 2 Scary stories can work for you

A lot of influence teachers warn against the use of scary stories. I believe that scary stories can help you persuade someone but you have to keep everything balanced. A scary story should elicit a desired response from the subject or audience but it shouldn’t frighten them so much that they want to make a run for it. A scary story should provide the right amount of details and you must not forget to integrate important points of your main argument to the story.

# 3 Share knowledge as if you were sharing water or food

As an influencer, your job is to create harmony or rapport between you and the subject. You must speak at the subject’s level but at the same time, you shouldn’t appear like you are lowering yourself or raising yourself above the subject. This principle applies to storytelling as well.

When you are sharing knowledge, the subject has to feel that you are sharing something really valuable and you are not telling him something because he needs to be educated.

The subject must feel that he is gaining a valuable resource when he chooses to listen to you. He must not feel stupid while listening to you so be careful of your terms and how you phrase facts and statistics.

Complex facts must be presented in simple terms. Avoid highfaluting jargon and industry-specific terms that your audience may not fully comprehend. Anything that cannot be understood within a second or two should be considered a stumbling block and must be avoided. Remember: the center of the interaction is your audience, not you. Don’t say something because it pleases you. Say something because it helps you influence or persuade the other person.

# 4 Be a humble storyteller

Showing that you are a humble person will naturally lower the subject’s mental defenses. Some people think that in order to be assertive, you need to be pushy and arrogant. You don’t have to go down this path at all because this approach can backfire on you easily.

If you project to your audience that you are arrogant and “high and mighty”, any rapport that you may have created in the beginning will dissolve. Your audience might feel defensive or agitated with the situation. Your audience’s attention will probably waver too.

# 5 Harness the power of visualization

A story can only be truly captivating if you can create exact internal representations in the subject’s imagination. Your words should also trigger the right emotions.

If you are able to trigger the right images and emotions in the subject, you can get him to agree with you almost automatically. For example, if you are offering a new system that streamlines stocking and inventory, you can share a story about how a medium sized enterprise was able to save thousands of dollars every month simply by using the system.

You can paint images or internal representations that focus on being able to relax because the system can literally run itself for you. After painting this picture for your subjects, you can then follow up with a simple question (which is actually a lead-in for the call to action): would you like to enjoy more days off every week because this system actually works for you on autopilot, 24 hours a day, seven days a week?

Any business owner would squeal “yes!” when you ask such a question because no one in their right mind would refuse a few days of rest.

# 6 Always include verifiable facts and statistics

Some people like hard facts while some don’t. To strike a balance between these two groups, I recommend ‘sprinkling’ verifiable facts throughout your story to make it more believable. Examples of verifiable facts are:

Names of people involved
Dates of events
Places where events took place
Time when an event took place
Past statistics research
Current statistics

As long as a detail was taken from somewhere that is credible, it can be used in a story. Avoid adding hearsay and speculations to your story. Such elements might make your story sound interesting but in the end they just make you look bad because they’re still fictional.

A Shortcut to Persuasion: Storytelling, Part 1

May 14, 2012 0 comments

A lot of people ask me: is there a shortcut to hooking people so that they would listen and pay attention to what is actually being offered? There are so many approaches out there and a handful of them might work in some instances.

But what if you need an approach that works in print, in meetings, in seminars or in other situations? What approach do you turn to? In the world of influence, one approach has stood out and has withstood the test of time: storytelling.

Storytelling can actually be so effective that it can be used in any scenario and you can be sure that you can get a good result. However, every technique can fail. That’s just how reality works.

You can’t have a completely waterproof technique because when you are aiming for persuasion and influence, a lot of things can go wrong. So the main goal for every influencer is to get the technique right first before all else.

That way, you can be assured that a good result will emerge from all your efforts. Because you can expend a lot of energy doing something but if the technique itself is flawed, you can’t expect perfect results.

What happens when you tell a story?

Why are stories so effective in the first place? When a person tells a story, the receiver or subject actually enters a trance state. This trance state gives you access to the subject’s subconscious mind.

A trance state is simply a mental state wherein the person experiences heightened focus and awareness of what is happening. It’s a bit like finely tuning the mind to block out everything else.

Distractions and other non-relevant stimuli from the environment are blocked out. Now, providing a story to a subject can produce either a good result or a bad result.

When the subject is captivated by what you are saying and is subconsciously agreeing to everything that you say, then we can say that you are a persuasive storyteller.

You are lending your energy to the subject and his attention doesn’t waver at all while you are relating your story.

A negative result emerges when the subject becomes bored and exhausted with the story that you are relating. So how can you avoid a bad result in the first place? Here are three main points that you always have to keep in mind before even thinking of using a story in a conversation, presentation, meeting, etc.:

# 1 Are you telling a story with an intention in mind?

Too often, people tell stories without thinking of any useful goal. Are you telling a story just because you feel like it or does your story offer deeper insight that will directly contribute to your bigger goal? Why are you telling the story in the first place? What are you trying to show the subject by sharing your story?

If you can’t answer any of the questions here, then it’s possible that your story does not have any significant bearing on your success. Drop the story or better yet, find or create a story that would help you achieve your goals. Don’t tell a story for its own sake.

Relate a story because you want the subject to understand or feel something. Because if your story does not connect to the subject at all, the subject will feel mental exhaustion fairly quickly. And when this happens, you can be sure that they won’t be paying attention to everything that you have to say.

# 2 What kind of effect or impact do you want to create with your story?

Stories have intended effects and unintended effects. A really good storyteller can have an immense impact on his audience without even trying. But for the rest of us, we must make sure that our stories are built around an intended impact or effect.

This will ensure that after telling your story, your subject would have that mindset that will readily accept your main points or arguments. Because in the end, influence is really just getting the other person to agree or say yes to what you’re saying.

That is what makes influence so tricky in the first place because people tend to say no because through disagreement, people are able to protect their resources more easily.

For example, if a salesman was offering an expensive new TV set to a young couple, the couple could just say no to the offer because they have this mindset that focuses on preserving financial resources. When you relate a story to a subject,

# 3 What is your game plan?

If you want to take the storyteller route, there has to be a game plan. What stories will you be relating to your audience to achieve your goal? What points do you want to enforce with your stories?

There has to be continuity and relatedness in your stories. You must not jump from one story to another without any clear plan. Some people make the mistake of shifting from story to story without any clear plans; nothing could be more exhausting.

Tell only the stories that you know will create a great impact on your audience. Tell stories to showcase important points that support your bigger argument. To make brainstorming easier, use this simple formula:

“I am telling ____________ the story about __________ so that he will ___________”

As you can see, the formula is pretty straightforward and you probably won’t have any difficulty creating the stories that will help you achieve very specific goals. It doesn’t matter if you are trying to sell a product or an idea to someone. If you tell the right story, you would be able to influence another person more quickly.

You don’t have to memorize complicated diagrams when you’re planning. You can create a short list of themes and topics as a guide. You just have to remember the main themes from your list so you won’t forget anything.

Three Things You Should Know About The Mind

April 14, 2012 0 comments

No matter how sophisticated and intelligent a person may be, he technically still has a primitive mind. Now don’t get me wrong – I’m not calling anyone a caveman or anything like that. It’s just that every human being has access to a wealth of primitive instinctual tendencies.

These tendencies have been developed and passed down by our ancestors because they simply work in terms of helping a person stay alive. Survival is still a person’s biggest concern – it’s just that things have become more complicated in our era compared to the days when man led a simpler life that we don’t think about it as often.

But if we trace the real reasons behind our desires, aspirations and anxieties, I bet you’ll find survival at the very at the very root of all of those things.

Since man is secretly preoccupied with surviving, here are some things that you must always keep in mind when you are trying to influence someone:

1.) The human mind is wired to think pessimistically. This fact is often surprising to people since people were taught at a very early age that life is generally easier if you were a positive thinker.

I’m not trying to debate cultural norms here – I’m just trying to point out a scientific fact: our species survived this long because our ancestors were pessimists. Pessimists focused on the bad things that could happen, which actually helped family units survive in hostile environments.

Thousands of years ago, positive thinkers might have felt happier and calmer right before they slept, but that doesn’t mean that they have an edge over pessimists who were more alert to strange sounds and even the smallest changes in the environment.

To our ancestors, change is a cause for worrying and anxiety – and negative thinking helped our ancestors survive while other hominid species simply disappeared from the evolutionary map.

2.) To the primitive mind (as represented by the Reptilian Complex), there is no middle classification for a situation or object. If something is in front of you that can only mean that it’s either bad or good. There is no middle ground at all.

If something is not entirely good, then it’s probably bad and people should probably avoid it. That’s how people really perceive their own realities.

A person might justify how he doesn’t like another person on the account that he doesn’t ‘look like he can be trusted’ but in the end, the justification exists because of the primitive mind’s insistence on a fixed good/bad classification of things in general.

3.) When a person is under any kind of stress (and that includes being in the presence of a rather undesirable person), the sympathetic nervous system triggers the fight or flight response. This is still part of the instinctual package that our ancient ancestors have passed down to our current generation of homo sapiens.

Keys To A Persuassive Presentation

April 14, 2012 0 comments

It is very important for you to be able to effectively deliver your message in a variety of ways so that it can become engraved within the minds of your audience. However, at the same time, it is imperative that you find a way to accomplish this without rambling on and talking excessively about your subject.

Rambling on in conversation will have a similar effect as beating a dead horse, it gets you absolutely nowhere. The only thing that excessive rambling will be able to accomplish within your delivery process is taking away from your power instead of adding anything to it.

When you are preparing the overall structure and organization of your information, take the time to truly figure out how the information (regardless of who or what it is about) sets your expertise apart from all of your competitors.

This will allow you to stand out in the minds of your listeners even more so because they will mentally be able to clearly distinguish between you and everyone else that claims to be experts in the same field. If they cannot make this distinction, then there is no way that they would ever be able to follow you.

Effective Repetition Adds Power

Repetition will continuously make your message that much more powerful. Keep in mind that this is primarily focused on repetition of the overall message, but not repetition of the same words. You don’t want to be repeating the same word or phrase that you have already used over and over again, because this will become annoying to your audience and take away some of the power that your information already has instead of adding any more to it.

You should be looking for ways to make the same message sound different each and every time; changing the wording and structure of the message while keeping the core purpose and meaning behind the message the same the entire time.

Repetition will also play in your favor in you use it wisely because you want people to be able to remember the material that you are sharing with them. By effectively repeating it back to them, they will be better able to effectively repeat the same information back to others that they share it with.

In turn, their confidence in you is increased if they are easily able to repeat your message to themselves or use the same information to teach other people. If they can’t quickly recall this information at any given moment, buyer’s remorse will quickly settle in and they will quickyl disconnect and disassociate themselves from you and your information.

Effective “word-of-mouth messaging” will also play in your favor because your reputation will spread faster and further than you would ever be able to reach by yourself.

When To Focus On Features & Benefits

You should always have an interest in finding out how extensive your audience’s knowledge about the benefits of your information is before you even begin speaking to them.

If they already have an abundance of knowledge, as mentioned earlier, you are simply wasting your time, energy and resources by stressing the importance of the benefits to them. Focus more on learning how they were able to gain their knowledge in the first place and then emphasize the features of what you are offering to them.

Discussing the features will allow them to make conenctions to the benefits that they are already knowledgeable of and cause you to effectively be able to get through to them.

On the other hand, when your audience has no idea about what you are talking about, you are going to have to start from the beginning and truly take the time necessary to educate them on the benefits of what you are bringing to the table.

As mentioned earlier, however, you only want to do this in moderation. Too much information at once fed to someone that had no knowledge to begin with is ineffective and does not allow them to process and fully understand anything that you are saying to them in the first place. Therefore, once again, you would just be wasting your time, energy and resources.

You’re Only An Expert If Other Think So

Another important part to be successful at becoming an expert of influence and persuasion deals directly with whether or not people view you as an authoritative figure and expert of the information being delivered.

Your audience has to be able to trust that your expertise, education, experience and knowledge are enough to qualify you as being the person that they should go to for expert information and guidance.

You have to be able to engrave a vision into their minds that clearly shows them what your products or services can do for them in their own lives. If they can achieve this and visualize the results for themselves, the odds of them desiring to learn more and remember your message more will be in your favor.

On the other hand, if you are working on someone that already feels that they are an expert and knows all that there is to know about the information that you are presenting, you will be wasting your time by trying to create any sort of vision for them. They more than likely already have their own vision that was first implanted in their minds when they first started to learn about the information. Trying to put a new vision where an existing and still effective vision already dwells is absolutely pointless.

The Power Of Surprise

April 12, 2012 0 comments

Only a handful of people know how truly powerful personal communication is, even on the level of mere text messages. In our technology-imbued age, using devices to communicate with others is unavoidable. The circumstances that drive our personal realities often keep us far from some of our acquaintances (and even sometimes, our families).

While many would view this is as a hindrance, I personally view this situation as merely another opportunity to practice covert influence.

The challenge now is to pack as much power into one’s words so that the same influential effect would be achieved. In today’s discussion I am going to share with you two strategies that might come in handy when you need to persuade or influence someone – with just a text message. Doubtful? Welcome to the world of real covert influence.

The power of unexpected gifts

A recent study by a group of behavioral scientists (headed by David Strohmetz) revealed just how powerful unexpected gifts can be if given at the right time and to the right people. In the first trial (and other succeeding trials), the researchers asked the servers to abandon the idea of presenting mint baskets to restaurant patrons.

Instead, candies will be given away to the patrons directly right before they left the table. The goal was to increase the tips being given to the servers. In the first attempt, the servers gave one piece of candy to each restaurant patron.

A single candy (for each diner) yielded in a 3.3% increase in tips. In the second attempt, the servers gave away two candies instead of one. The tips increased from 3.3% to 14.1%. Sounds good, right? It gets better!

In the third attempt, servers were asked to give just one candy to each diner - but right before they leave, they would turn back and give each diner an additional candy for no reason at all. No words or niceties were needed and yet, the simple modification in the process of giving away the candies resulted in 23% more tips for the servers.

Amazing, isn’t it? The third approach really boosted the tips for the simple reason that the diners felt compelled to reciprocate the nice gesture of the servers. It’s still reciprocation, but it’s done in such a way that the reciprocation feels very natural and the ones reciprocating would feel happy that they have reciprocated what was done to them.

How can you apply this when you are texting someone? Easy – when you need to ask someone a favor or if you need something done, don’t start the interaction with the request or task. Instead, start by saying something that is completely unrelated to your request (make sure that it will benefit the other party) and let the other party enjoy your gift before you make a request.

Of course, you would need to back up your text messages with a real, unexpected gift (like a spa day for your wife or a new video game for your boyfriend). But you can relay your influential message through a simple text message and the effect would be nothing short of amazing. I’m not promising anything here since a lot of things can act as obstacles to any influential message, but I can assure you that unexpected gifts can ignite a sense of reciprocity so strong that the other party would offer to do a favor for you in no time.

However, I do have to warn you that this strategy works well if you don’t do it very often and you also have to limit the people that receive unexpected gifts from you so the technique doesn’t lose its power.

If you do it to everyone, word will eventually get out and people will stop responding favorably to your requests. So do this only if other techniques are no longer working. Because if you overuse this technique, chances are, it will soon backfire on you and you will lose your hold on your audience.

A note of warning about favors

Let’s admit it – we love favors. Favors are often lifesavers and in the long term, favors can often help us when we are out of options. When you are asking favors through text messages or even on the phone, be very careful as to how you frame your request. Recent studies show that the favor-doer and the favor-receiver often have very contrasting views regarding favors.

When Person A does Person B a favor, Person B often views the favor in high regard at first. Person A on the other hand, doesn’t view the act (the favor) in high regard (at first). What happens is as time passes, Person B’s view of the favor diminishes while Person A (the original favor-doer) begins to view his favor highly.

So in the end, Person A might ask Person B for a reciprocal favor and Person B might not look favorably at the request if it has been done a very long time ago. So if you are in the habit of seeking favors for past favors, I suggest that you don’t let months or years pass. If you need something from someone because that person owes you a favor, do it as soon as possible so you can increase the chances of receiving positive feedback from the other person.

Because if you wait too long, the other person might ignore your request because his view of the past favor has already been diminished by time. So when you need to ask for a favor through a text message, just send a quick and polite request – there’s no need to mention the past favor.

If your request is timely and has some connection to a past favor, the other party will understand and will probably comply with your request. If the other party declines for some reason, it is possible that the favor he owes has already ‘expired’ in his mind. I wouldn’t recommend pushing your case any further because that would only result in more negative feedback from the other party.

Using Personal Commitment and Self-Image to Encourage Compliance

April 12, 2012 0 comments

Covert influence works extremely well in many situations because it doesn’t force anything on the other party. This type of influence often leads people to personal conclusions that benefit both parties at once.

Unlike more blatant persuasive tactics, people rarely feel pressured to do something for the influencer because the other party doesn’t realize that he is being persuaded or influenced already. This is one of the reasons why I advocate ethic application of covert influence techniques because every human transaction should always benefit both parties (as much as possible, that is).

Personal commitment = influence

A study spearheaded by Freedman and Fraser shows us exactly how personal commitment can help an influencer accomplish his goals in a short period of time. In this unique study, the researchers sought to find out just what it is that encourages compliance in the least amount of time even if the influencer has no deeply rooted bonds with the other party.

In the study, the researchers headed to a wealthy neighborhood to discover exactly what it is that makes people say “yes!” to a request from someone who is a complete stranger. In the first round of testing, they asked members of the wealthy community if they would be interested in volunteering their frontage for a six foot sign that said “Drive Carefully”.

Of course, all the work needed to put up the gigantic sign would be handled by the Road Traffic Safety Committee. In their first attempt, as surprising 17% of all the respondents said yes to the request. The researchers were close to the answer they were looking for, so they dug deeper. This time, they change their tactics a little.

In the next round of attempts, they asked respondents if they would like to support the traffic safety campaign by hosting a small sign that said “Be a Safe Driver”. Because the sign that was being offered was tiny compared to the six foot sign before, almost all of the respondents said yes. But that’s not the end of the experiment – yet.

Two weeks later, another set of people were assigned to knock on the doors of those who have said yes to the small “Be a Safe Driver” sign and the respondents were asked again if they would like to help out by hosting a much larger sign. A staggering 76% of the respondents said yes to the request – a massive contrast to the 17% in the first attempt.

I know what you’re thinking – yes, there is something in the second approach that radically changed the situation. And this is the secret ingredient: personal commitment. The respondents in the second attempt were able to personally commit to the campaign and therefore, they felt that it was their responsibility to follow through with their personal commitments.

It was that simple. There was no force or coercion of any sort – people committed to the campaign even if the “shoe on the door” tactic was used in a small way. They could have said no, but something more important came to the fore – commitment and responsibility. You can sue the same strategy when you want to influence someone through a simple text message.

Before asking for a big favor (that would likely be met with a bigger NO), I want you to focus on having that person commit to something really small. Give the person time to develop the personal commitment within himself before asking for a bigger favor.

The other party needs a little time to add that new personal commitment to his image of himself before he/she can agree to bigger requests. Text messages that bolster the other party’s feeling of personal commitment to what you want to do (eventually) will also help you influence the other party when you need to request for something significant.

Remember: commitment almost always results in full compliance. If there is no commitment, there won’t be any pressing motivation to do something for someone else. But if there is personal commitment involved, the other party will see to it that he is able to follow through with his commitment.

Labeling, self-image and quick action

A person’s self-image is something that you can really tap into when you need to influence someone. You can do this by suggesting a particular self-image (a positive one, of course) that would later become a self-fulfilling prophecy for the other party. The effectiveness of this approach is illustrated clearly in a study headed by Tybout and Yalch. This particular study focused on voters right before Election Day.

The researchers told 50% of the respondents that (based on their answers to the questionnaires) they are above-average individuals with a high likelihood of participating in events in like elections. The other 50% of the respondents were told that they were average when it came to matters related to those mentioned earlier.

Sure enough, the respondents who were told they were above average when it came to participating in events like voting were 15% more likely to fulfill the categorization given to them by the researchers. How can you apply this technique when you want to influence someone through a simple text message?

Easy: create a positive self-image and tie this with what you need at the moment. For instance, if you really need a friend to finish a favor for you but he is having a hard time, simply tell him that he has worked exceptionally well in similar situations in the past and he possess specific traits that make him more than capable of handling the present task.

This is just one example of how you can tap into a person’s self-image to influence him covertly. This technique works well also because you are raising the other person’s status and that deepens trust even more. If the other party feels that you are raising his status, he would be more than willing to comply with what you need to reciprocate your own positive words and actions.

The Biospsychosocial Model In Psychology

February 5, 2012 0 comments

Ever wonder what really drives people’s thoughts and behaviors? Cool, then join the thousands of psychologists who’ve been trying to crack this code since the beginning of time.

As of today, the most widely accepted theory is something called the biospsychosocial model. I know it sounds all scientific and complicated but all it really means is that the driving forces behind people’s thoughts and actions are the biological, psychological and social influences and how they all interact with one another.

We begin with the biological or the body and more specifically the brain and nervous system. The body plays the role of housing the components that not only keep us alive but enable us to think.

Next is the mind or the place where all of our feelings, desires, emotions and beliefs come from. Understanding how the mind works is essential to understanding behavior and mental processes but some psychologists such as behaviorists actually completely ignore the mind while others like biological psychologists call the mind the brain.

The the component i the biospsychosocial model - which is studied at length by social psychologists - is the role that others play in our lives or social influence. These influences aren’t only specific to other people either. They can include things like technology and nature as well.

The social influence part of the model is what interests me the most because this is where you can really begin to utilize the power of persuasion and influence.

After all, you can really change a person’s body parts or organs but you can affect the way that they think about things and make decisions.

When it comes to this part of the model it’s important to always remember that cultural differences have a huge impact on the way people perceive the world.

Cultural differences have become a popular area of study in psychology in the last 30 years and it’s not hard to understand why.

From a scientific perspective, it’s important to understand why certain cultures hold the beliefs that they do because all people are vulnerable to cultural bias. When you understand the mechanics behind this, it gives you an objective picture of reality as opposed to psychologies that differ from region to region and aren’t accepted outside of the cultures they were developed in.

From a humanistic perspective, it’s important to understand cultural belief differences so you gain the awareness needed to approach every situation as diplomatically and open minded as possible.

How To Disable Power Players Without Saying A Word

February 3, 2012 0 comments

The Challenge

Let's face it, power players exist in every sector of society. No matter what country you're in, what culture surrounds you or what kind of people you are dealing with, you're going to run into a power player at some point. And if you plan on influencing them, you better be ready because they can be a tough breed.

The good news is there are plenty of ways to subdue them without saying one single word.

It begins with their body language. You see, the one thing about power players is they are extremely easy to read because they're very predictable.

The Solutions

1.) The easiest way to disarm a power player is by countering each offending gesture/expression or movement with your own equalizing body language. Equalizing body language is actually more powerful than a power player’s choice of weapons because equalizing gestures and movements can actually help you gain other peoples’ trust and vote of confidence. Power players are universally disliked and rejected by other people.

2.) Power players usually reveal themselves through the handshake so be observant when a new person shakes your hand. You will be able to see and feel if a person is trying to dominate you because he has a habit of doing so.

3.) Learn to recognize the dominating handshake. A power player always shakes first. That doesn’t mean that every person who shakes first is a power player. It just means that there’s a possibility of detecting a power player when the other person shakes first. A power player will try his best to get your hand under his hand during the handshake. You can counter this easily by changing the angle of your hand so your hands would be more parallel (instead of having your hand under the other person’s hand). You can also use your other hand to slightly change the position of the power player’s hand (so your hands would be more equal) and then shake with both hands. Don’t try to outdo the other person by squeezing his hand too hard or shaking too hard. Equalizing gestures are always better and are best for disarming power players.

4.) Some people would also try to pull you in during a handshake. Don’t let the power player pull you in. If he tries to pull you in, try to extend your arm so that your personal space is preserved.

5.) Energy is important in social interactions. Power players usually try to take control of the whole floor by controlling the energy of the conversation or dialog. Counter this by regulating the energy of the conversation. If the power player is dragging down the energy, make gestures near the chest level to raise the energy strategically. If the power player is raising his energy to intimidate people, counter with gestures near the navel area to tone down the energy. It takes practice, but it works.

Benefits of the solution:

1.) You don’t to directly deal with the power player; the disarming process is indirect and through body language.

2.) You can easily change your tactics if the power player continues his power play.

3.) You won’t feel intimidated anymore when you are in the presence of known power players.

The Bottom Line:Power players will always be there to dominate people. We can’t do anything about that – but we can protect ourselves by playing the power player’s game. Power players can easily dominate people because their body language is aggressive and very straightforward. Knowing how to spot aggressive body language can help you spot a power player and this in turn will help you counter them at their own game.

Seven Ways To Make A Killer First Impression With Body Language

February 3, 2012 0 comments

When it comes to body language, I still can't believe how many people are not actively trying to master this topic. I guess they still fail to realize that no matter which way you slice it, non verbal communication accounts for over 70% of the way we "talk" to each other.

Now tying directly into that is the importance of a good impression. The ironic part is that most people screw up the first impression because they're always thinking of the "right" thing to say when in reality they should be thinking about the right thing to DO.

So in this post, I'm going to show you exactly how to make a killer first impression with body language.

And just in case you forgot, here are a few reasons why first impressions are important:

1.) First impressions last

2.) People can base their permanent impression of you in three to six minutes

3.) People rarely find reasons to change their first impression of someone

4.) People respond to other people based on their first impressions of others.

5.) Nine times out of ten, people don’t know that they are unconsciously projecting an image of themselves to people that they are talking to for the first time. It is important to control this public image because this will be used by people to make a first impression of you. You have to be aware, not guarded, because you would also want to facilitate communication in the process of controlling your projection.

The solutions

1.) Be extra careful when you are around women because women are more perceptive than men. Men can learn to be more perceptive, but that takes practice.

2.) When you want to appear honest and sincere with what you are saying, keep your hands near the navel and keep your palms open and loose. The palms should be facing the other person; this shows that you are not trying to hide anything and you are truly laying down the cards. You will discover that as you do this, your emotions and thoughts will follow suit. Everything will feel easier and more comfortable. The mind responds to body language and vice versa.

3.) Avoid putting your hands in your pants’ pockets when talking to people because this sends a signal that you are not confident or comfortable being in that situation. Keep your hands near the front of your body.

4.) Don’t put your hands at your sides because this will send an instant signal to the other person that you have already been disabled even before you’ve started. Putting your hands at the sides sends an unconscious message that you are a sitting duck, vulnerable and ready for attack.

5.) If you want to come across as energetic, make gestures near the chest area and keep the energy high by using this horizontal plane. If you want to tone down the energy, simply lower your hands near the navel level. Adjust the energy of the dialog by moving your hands up and down. Remember to use open gestures to keep the interaction smooth.

6.) When you are trying to give instructions to someone, keep your palms open. This signals that you are open to interaction and you are not dictating to others.

7.) Facial expressions are just as important when you’re trying to talk to someone. When you choose to smile at people, remember to feel good when you’re smiling so that a more natural smile will emerge. The brain can detect a fake smile a mile away. Scientists believe that the brain actually scans key areas on the other person’s face to check if the smile is genuine or not. If you don’t feel good when you’re smiling, you will notice that your smile will end up strained and the smile will be limited to your mouth region. Your eyes will not ‘smile’ along with your mouth.

8.) When you shake hands with people, don’t try to dominate them. Match the other person’s shaking power. This takes practice but it can be done.

Benefits of the solution

It’s easier to create a good first impression with body language.

Using body language will feel natural because non-verbal language is instinctual.

You can build your own repertoire of gestures and actions later on as you learn more about how you can create a good first impression on people.

The Bottom Line:

Creating a killer first impression is important in every social situation. We want to create a positive image in the minds of people that you interact with because this will also help you persuade and influence people more easily.

Ifyou like what you read here, check out my digital book on body language called Unspoken Power.